Highly Intelligent People Often Experience An Uncomfortable Emotion When Starting A New Job
Krakenimages.com | ShutterstockWhile the average employee appreciates making a good impression when they’re starting a new job, sometimes highly intelligent new hires struggle with being the new kid on the block, so to speak.
It's completely normal for anyone starting a new job to feel a mix of different emotions, including anxiety. This can be even more pronounced for workers with a high level of intelligence, though. They are known to feel an additional emotion that makes everything feel even more uncomfortable.
Highly intelligent new hires often feel shame when starting a new job, and it can be difficult to overcome.
According to nervous system coach Dana Doswell, the dysregulation caused by starting a new job can manifest in highly intelligent people as shame, and that can impact their health, wellness, and even their new job in a multitude of ways.
Instead of feeling secure in the learning process of being a new employee, many highly intelligent people starting new jobs feel pressured to prove their worth, both to other colleagues and managers. This stems from the fact that many highly intelligent people are also what Doswell called "high-functioning dysregulated" people.
As both a highly intelligent and dysregulated person, it can feel destabilizing to be a beginner at something new. As Doswell stated, highly intelligent people find comfort in, and are quite honestly used to, being the best at things. The process of re-learning something or making mistakes as they learn leads to shame, and it makes managing a new workplace culture and connecting with co-workers incredibly uncomfortable.
Highly intelligent new employees usually feel the need to be on at all times, which just makes their feelings of shame worse.
Doswell went on to explain, “Being a beginner can actually be really stressful for your nervous system and can actually create ... this environment where you need to be on at all times in order to feel safe.”
Whether it's a conscious feeling from team members or not, many people's stress and productivity levels could be riding on the competency of this newcomer, which will add to the burden they feel. Research from 2022 published in the Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health suggested that this is one reason aligning the competency levels of colleagues can create a less stressful environment where it's easier to work together.
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Of course, this isn't always possible in the workplace, which leaves new employees feeling like they need to meet the expectations of their veteran co-workers. That's where the shame comes into play.
“Shame comes into the equation eventually,” Doswell explained, suggesting that there’s a multifaceted experience for highly intelligent people in new jobs. “It’s essentially the pressure that’s keeping you 'on,'" she added. "It’s like … unless these people can see that I can perform at this level all the time, I’m not worthy of having access to safety, love, and connection.”
Highly intelligent people get stuck in a cycle of needing to prove themselves, which can be exacerbated by a big leap like a new job.
Therapist John Kim, LMFT, said, "We want to prove we're worth something. And proving it once isn't enough. We need constant validation." He added that this can turn into an obstacle in and of itself, though, because it keeps people from operating at their highest potential.
Highly intelligent people experience this a bit differently. While it’s a relatively stressful environment for the average employee to be “on” all the time to appease their bosses and colleagues, the highly intelligent consider it a safe space. Their safety and stability in the workplace are fueled by the pressure of shame and the validation of others.
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In this shame-ridden cycle, it’s inevitable that their self-esteem is negatively affected. In another video, Doswell said, "It means that your nervous system is dysregulated. Shame sits at this level of your identity and negatively impacts the relationship you have with yourself.”
Just doing a good job and getting your work done can be fulfilling on its own, but it's not enough for these folks who are constantly seeking validation.
Doswell explained that healing this cycle of shame isn't as simple as incorporating some kind of mindset shift. She said, “This means fundamentally addressing the role that shame has previously played in being a coping mechanism for you ... You need to be able to move towards compassionate self-correction.” That's a good reminder for everyone, regardless of their employment status.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
