Smart Happy Couples Still Practice 8 Old-Fashioned Habits They Learned From Grandma
Suzy Hazelwood | CanvaYou may have heard that all marriages eventually become flat and boring. That, with time, it's normal for the passion and intimacy in marriage to fade and for husbands and wives to stop doing romantic things together as a couple.
Unfortunately, far too many married couples believe this myth and act accordingly. Of course, the honeymoon period doesn't last forever, but it doesn't have to be all work, no fun — that certainly makes Jack a dull boy, or in this case, spouse.
The secret to staying smart and happy in a long-term marriage is to infuse your life with more fun and pleasure by planning romantic things to do as a couple regularly. If you notice that intimacy is lacking in your marriage — or you simply want to give it a boost — there are myriad old-fashioned ways to bring a more romantic spirit into your relationship, all from Grandma and Granda's 50-year-plus marriage playbook.
Here are old-fashioned habits happy couples are bringing back from Grandma's era:
1. They keep dating each other
Date nights aren’t just for young lovers; they work magic for those of you who have been together for a while because going away from home provides a change of scenery and enlivens things for both partners.
Planning a date night at home can be fun, too. You can have a romantic dinner by candlelight or pull out a blanket and eat by the fire. (If it's summer, try a backyard picnic under a shady tree.)
Dates don’t have to be limited to a few hours together on an occasional evening, either. They can be an entire day, a weekend, or even longer, depending on the agreement you and your partner make with each other. Some delightful ways of spending an evening together don't have to cost an arm and a leg, as Grandpa would say: Taking a bath, going for a long evening walk, browsing a farmer's market: all sure-fire ways to enhance the spirit of romance.
Another old-fashioned tip: Honeymoons (without the kids, of course) aren’t just for the newly married. Taking one every year, even if it's just a weekend staycation, is a great way to stay connected and remember why you actually like each other. There are lots of people (including us) who have made a tradition of this practice.
2. They designate sacred time
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Create a tech-free zone that will ensure that there are no interruptions. Then, embrace the silence of zero notifications and just ... enjoy. It seems like we always have to have our phones with us, but for our mental health, we should go tech-free more often, look each other in the eyes, and actually talk to each other. Don't fall into phubbing — it's hard to pull yourself out.
3. Smart, happy couples take turns being in service to each other
Take out the trash even though it's not your designated chore. Turn the coffee maker on in the morning. If you want to be even more intimate, you can bathe each other and wash each other's hair. You could shave his face, and he could shave your legs (or vice versa — just kidding!)
Massages are another great way to keep romance alive. You don’t need a massage table or fancy scented massage oil, and you don't have to be a professionally trained masseuse or masseur to bring a loving touch to a much-appreciated post-work backrub.
4. They connect through their eyes only
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This means without the need to exchange words. While this may seem a bit awkward at first, after a few minutes you’ll begin to settle into the experience, and you may begin to experience some surprisingly delightful feelings.
5. They dance together
You might even want to sign up for a ballroom dancing class. If you’d prefer privacy, try dancing with your partner in your own living room or bedroom. Another big advantage of dancing in your own home is that you can dance in your underwear — hey, why not? You only live once.
6. Smart, happy couples recite poetry
Reading love poems to each other brings sweetness. If you enjoy the exotic, consider romantic poetry from Rumi, Hafiz, or Kabir.
7. They leave tokens of affection
Leave love notes stuck in books, under plates, pillows, and in the underwear drawer. They're sure to draw smiles of appreciation when they're found.
8. They speak from the heart
Last, but not least, is the kind, loving way partners speak to each other. It needs to be sincere, intimate, and full of feeling from the heart. These emotional interchanges are the main meal. Intimacy is the dessert ... and it’s non-fattening.
Taking time out of your busy life to make sure the intimate aspects of your relationship are thriving is important for both the partnership and your life as a whole. Trying something new together — or something new that's old — can promote thrills and excitement to a relationship that needs an old-fashioned boost of burning love.
Linda Bloom, LCSW, and Charlie Bloom, MSW, are psychotherapists and relationship counselors who have worked with individuals, couples, groups, and organizations since 1975.
