The Best Parents Make Sure Their Kids Learn These 5 Hard Truths About Friendship Before Life Teaches Them
francescoridolfi.com | CanvaFriendship is one of the most important parts of childhood, but it's also one of the least openly discussed. We tell kids to be kind, to share, and to include everyone, but we rarely prepare them for how complicated friendship can actually feel.
The best parents teach the reality of friendship. When kids understand the hard truths about having friends early, they're far less likely to take rejection personally or stay stuck in unhealthy dynamics. These are the lessons that help them build stronger, more secure relationships as they grow.
The best parents make sure their kids learn these 5 hard truths about friendship before life teaches them:
1. Not every friendship is meant to last forever
When you are young, you think you will have the same friends forever. This makes any argument or disagreement feel 10 times worse than they really are. Let your teenager know that some friends will be forever, while some are just for now.
An 18-year study found that having even one good friend in childhood was enough to reduce the odds of difficulties in adulthood, and what mattered wasn't the number of friends but the quality of at least one close connection. The study also showed that two-thirds of sixth graders change friends between September and June alone, which means friendship turnover is developmentally normal and not a sign that something has gone wrong.
2. Different friends meet different needs
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The concept of "best friend" can be very daunting for young people. They feel they must have one, and there is something wrong with them if they don't. Let your child know that there are different kinds of friends.
Friends that make you laugh and cheer up, and friends that will give you advice. This way, they can start to make sense of the different kinds of friendships out there.
Family therapist Dr. Laura Froyen explains that when we teach girls to "just be nice," we're telling them to put their own feelings, wants, and needs last. This early messaging can make it harder for them to recognize what they actually need from the people in their lives.
3. Real friends respect you, even when they disagree
When we are young, it is so easy to be swayed by bad advice from well-meaning friends. Real friends will tell you their opinion, which may differ from yours. But they will never put you down or make you feel bad.
They will support you no matter what. A study of 700 adolescents found that influence between friends runs in both directions, and that the more satisfied partner in a friendship tends to have more sway over the other's behavior. This means a positive, supportive friend is actually one of the most powerful protective factors a kid can have.
4. Finding a true friend can take time
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When I was young, I always felt bad that I didn't have a best friend. I always thought so differently from others that it was difficult to be around other girls. It was only when I was in my 20s that I clicked with another girl and made a friend for life. Sometimes, finding true friends takes a while.
Research shows that kids don't develop the mental and emotional ability for truly mutual friendship until adolescence or even early adulthood. Having one high-quality friendship, even if it comes later in life, matters far more than having many surface-level ones, and research consistently backs that up.
5. Conflict is part of every real friendship
It doesn't mean you are not friends if you fall out of contact or if your pal gets on your nerves. It means you are just normal. Conflict and arguments happen, but nothing is worth keeping an argument going. Learn how to move through it and repair the friendship.
When kids learn to work through conflict, they pick up one of the most valuable lessons relationships have to offer: that a friendship can survive a disagreement and come out stronger on the other side, according to psychotherapist Atara Malach. And once they understand that, they stop seeing conflict as the end of a friendship and start seeing it as something they can move through, with honesty, respect, and a little bit of effort.
Sarah Newton, creator of teenology, has shared her wisdom with millions who’ve tuned into her TV and radio shows. A highly respected and effective parent and youth coach, Sarah’s been hailed as “The Supernanny for Teens” by TV Times.
