Adults Who Still Live With Their Parents Were Usually Raised Differently In 9 Distinct Ways
Studio Romantic / ShutterstockMany young people are financially dependent on their parents. Because of this, they find themselves living at home, even if it feels disastrous to their social life.
Adults who still live with their parents were often raised differently in certain ways, though not all of them are necessarily bad. From growing up with strong family ties to being encouraged to ask for help when needed, people who still live at home with their parents aren’t necessarily immature or financially irresponsible. For many, it’s actually quite the opposite.
If an adult still lives at home with their parents, they were usually raised differently in 9 distinct ways
1. They were encouraged to ask for help
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Adult kids who move home when they need help or are going through a hard time were raised to ask for help when they need it. They were offered help and support by their parents as kids, but they were also taught to embrace mistakes and struggles as opportunities to learn and grow.
They weren’t made to feel like they couldn’t admit to mistakes or ask for help without feeling like they were flawed, and as adults, they’re better for it.
2. They were taught to be frugal
Comparison culture often makes people feel ashamed for doing anything outside of the norm. Whether that’s changing careers or moving in with parents, it’s not uncommon for young adults to feel ashamed or alienated about living with parents, even if it’s for several nuanced, supportive reasons.
It’s not always easy or comfortable to be frugal for the same reasons. We’re pressured into following trends to belong, investing in status symbols before we can afford them, and buying things to cope with our emotions.
Of course, making frugal decisions feels like going against the grain. But kids who were raised differently, taught to meet their own needs and go against the grain for their own benefit, move home to be smart with money. They may have the money to make it work or pay for rent, but moving in at home is a luxury, in their minds.
3. They had strong family ties
Our relationships and connections are what create health and longevity in our lives, at least according to a study from the Harvard School of Public Health. When we have strong family ties that aren’t shaken by uncertainty, aging, change, or natural disconnection, we have a foundation to live life in beautiful, healthy ways.
Many people with the strongest bonds often live better lives when they spend time at home. The family traditions, quality time, and support they get to experience from living at home truly make their lives better. Whether they’re home to save money or to help with caregiving for a parent, these strong family ties mean the most as they get older.
4. They were encouraged to practice humility
Kids who learn humility early in life don’t just make better connections and take accountability. They also understand where they came from and often hold a lot of respect for their parents, including the way they were raised.
Even when success comes in adulthood, or they’re well off, they don’t turn their backs on their parents. When their families need help, financially or otherwise, they don’t mind coming home. They don’t mind moving in to help out. They’re willing to put parts of their lives on hold, much like their parents did, to lend a helping hand and show up for them when they need it most.
5. They actually spent time together
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There’s a huge difference between a living-room family, where kids and parents spend quality time together in communal spaces by choice, and a bedroom family where everyone does their own thing and spends time in their own rooms.
Not only do adult kids from“living room families learn to appreciate quality time with their loved ones, but they also know how to show up. They’ve formed their identity and sense of self with family, rather than in solitude.
They value family bonds as a kind of community that’s difficult to replace, which is why living at home feels like a perfect fit. Whether or not they're coping with financial struggles, these adult children gain a strong sense of belonging and connection from spending their free time with parents and loved ones.
6. Their home was a safe place
For some adult children with childhood trauma or toxic relationships with their parents, home isn’t a pillar of safety but instead is riddled with all kinds of complicated emotions like fear, shame, and anger. As a 2022 study explains, parents who are emotionally present and active make a significant difference in shaping a child’s perception of their living space.
However, kids who were raised differently, with affectionate and trustworthy parents, often felt safe and secure at home. Even in adulthood, if they’re still living at home, it’s likely because they feel safest in that space and with those people, even when everything else in their lives feels chaotic and uncertain.
7. Independence didn’t come at the expense of family
While our culture often teaches young adults and kids that independence and self-reliance mean going out on your own, dwindling down communication with parents, and being completely financially independent, that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, it’s often adult children with close, healthy relationships to their parents and families who are the most successful.
Even if they’re living at home, it doesn’t mean these adult children aren’t independent. They were taught to show up for loved ones and live connected lives, whether they lived at home or not, to be successful, not the other way around.
8. They felt seen and heard by their parents
So many adults find themselves running from home and their parents at the first chance they can. Whether it was being held to unrealistic expectations of success or feeling generally overlooked for who they truly were, these adult children feel more at peace when they’re away from home.
However, adult kids who still live at home were often raised by parents who let them be their most authentic selves. They showed up for them emotionally, actively listening when their kids were expressing emotions and accepting them for being their authentic selves. They made them feel seen and heard, which is why home and family time feels safe instead of frustrating.
9. They saw healthy long-term relationships
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The health and quality of relationships young people see growing up often shape the kinds of people and connections they seek out later in life, according to a study published in the Journal of Family Psychology. That’s why adult children with great, emotionally available, healthy parents often maintain long-term relationships with their parents.
They were modeled healthy relationships by a parent’s marriage or friends, and now, they’re much more well-versed in how to show up and be present in return, even if that means living together. There’s no insecurity or shame about their living situation because they are grounded by the well-being and health of the family dynamic and long-term relationship.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
