People With Great Parents Usually Grew Up Learning These 3 Old-Fashioned Life Lessons
Kiselev Andrey Valerevich | ShutterstockBefore I was a life coach in private practice, I had the chance to work with teenagers as a school counselor. I was privileged to have them share with me their struggles with bullying, feelings of low self-esteem, and the daily challenges most parents are either unaware of or feel powerless to do anything about.
I've seen teenagers be plain mean to one another, but what I found the hardest to witness were the messages they received from adults, whether it was the teachers or the parents, who drummed up how "all kids get bullied," or "kids are somean". These are damaging messages, so how can a parent raise a compassionate kid so they don't bully others? By teaching them these old-fashioned lessons that quite frankly shouldn't be old-fashioned at all.
Great parents model what it means to be compassionate through their daily actions, and if you were taught these lessons along the way, your parents should be applauded.
Here are the old-fashioned life lessons people with great parents were taught:
1. 'Have empathy for others'
The first and most important thing to know is that kids learn to behave by what they observe. Bullies often treat their victims in a way that they were treated themselves. If a child is a bully, there's a good chance that they've been bullied themselves at some point, often by their parents or siblings.
The best way to prevent bullying is to show them empathy. When parents, teachers, and friends are empathetic to a child’s feelings and needs, the child, in turn, learns to be empathic to others. When children learn to look beyond themselves and feel what someone else might be feeling, they are less likely to bully that other person.
"Teach your kids that conflict is inevitable and anger is normal," advised personal development coach Jan Bowen. "We all experience it. Learning to deal with uncomfortable feelings constructively is what's important. Children are inherently creative and imaginative, so make a game to help them understand and manage their emotions healthily."
2. 'Consider other people'
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Consider your own feelings — and other people's, too. All too often, as a culture, we treat bullying as a normal part of growing up. It's not, and it shouldn't be. When we don't express that, our kids get the message that this painful experience is a normal part of life, and that their self-worth isn't important. Don't brush your child's feelings under the rug.
If you're a parent, teacher, or another role model, call bullying out for what it is: relationship violence. Acknowledge your child's feelings. It's normal to feel sad when someone has bullied you. Avoid telling them they will grow out of it or that it's a normal part of life; this way, you can prevent them from suppressing their legitimate feelings.
3. 'Be the kind of friend you'd like to have'
Even one good friend is enough to help, and even save, your child. Ask your child which of their friends always supports and cares for them. Ask them, “Who is someone who you know has your back?”
If your child struggles with this and is isolated at school, encourage them to try out activities in the community and build social connections there.
"The most important thing is to keep communication flowing between you and your child without taking an authoritarian approach," suggested parenting coach Carolyn Maguire. "Raising kids isn’t easy, and even the healthiest parents struggle from time to time. But when your child is struggling to make or keep friendships, it’s important to support your child with kindness, skills, direction, and, of course, love."
Great parents remind their kids that they are their support system 24/7, and the love they have for them is unconditional. Once you develop a base value system for your child through these old-fashioned lessons — which, once again, shouldn't be old-fashioned — you'll see changes for the better, today and well into adulthood.
Samin Razzaghi is an ICF-accredited Life Coach with over 10 years of experience facilitating personal and social change.
