Smart Parents Who Raise Compassionate Kids That Aren't Cruel Do 3 Things Repeatedly
Tiger Lily | PexelsOne thing all parents have in common is that they want their kids to grow up to be kind and compassionate, and for good reason: Researchers at Berkley’s Greater Good Science Centre have highlighted kindness as one of the foundations for a happy life.
Kindness makes us happier, regardless of whether we are on the giving or receiving end. At a societal level, teaching kids kindness and not to be cruel to others prevents bullying and mean-girl behavior in schools and builds a sense of support in our communities. Parents who have the best luck in raising compassionate kids focus on a few key habits.
Smart parents who raise compassionate kids that aren't cruel do 3 things repeatedly:
1. They call out kindness
Kids naturally have a huge capacity for kindness. As adults, we become so busy and stressed, living in such a competitive world, we often lose this innate ability to support and connect with others. So make a conscious effort to notice kind behavior in your kids.
And when you catch them being kind, point it out. “Wow! Look how you shared your favorite crayons with your friend, how kind you are!” or “You were so kind checking on that boy who no one was playing with on the playground.”
Psychotherapist Christina Steinort-Powell referenced a study that found, "When young children are happy when they help or share with others, even from a young age, they will want to be kind again, which creates a cycle of kindness."
2. Smart parents challenge their kids to do small acts of kindness for others
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Have them keep track of their acts of kindness on a poster or a calendar. Just avoid giving a reward; only help them to keep track, so that the kindness itself is the reward, not something external. Some examples of random acts of kindness could be helping a senior with yard work or helping a new kid over to clean up their toys.
Structured acts of kindness — find a list of more age-appropriate ideas — aimed at certain people, do a lot more of the heavy lifting in developmental work than lecturing a child about being nice could ever hope to accomplish.
3. They model kindness in their everyday lives
Your kids are always watching you. When they observe you being kind, they learn to be kind. This one is great because kids will not only learn about kindness, but they will get the added benefit of experiencing a happier parent, too.
"Empathy is learned through empathy," therapist Eli Harwood explained. "When our children connect to our emotional state, it teaches them to do the same for others. I want my kids to know the power of receiving empathy so they can feel the gift of it, and then want to give it as a result."
We all want our kids to be nice. It's the Golden Rule, for goodness sake: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Teaching and practicing kindness and compassion (and not to be cruel) ensures happier young people and safer, bully-free communities.
Samin Razzaghi is an ICF-accredited Life Coach with over 10 years of experience facilitating personal and social change.
