7 Brutal Struggles Of Moms So Exhausted They’ve Forgotten What Sleep Even Is
Africa images | CanvaThere's exhaustion, and then there's mom exhaustion. Oftentimes, you may not believe you will live through another day in this debilitating state. This type of weariness can, in extreme cases, result in a form of delirium.
For instance, you may have trouble remembering your own name. As I continue to suffer from this ailment, I have come to realize that there are quite a few struggles involved. Each is as hard as the next and experienced by all those who have decided to bear children.
Here are 7 brutal struggles of moms so exhausted they’ve forgotten what sleep even is:
1. The 'toss and turn, up all night' struggle
This is the struggle that occurs when one is just too tired to sleep. You spend the night and early morning hours mentally going over the laundry list of what's needed the next day. You try relaxing music. You try a glass of wine. You even count sheep. Nothing works.
You regret that you called your friend a fool for suggesting to keep a written list on your night table, and just "let it go" and close your eyes. You're now jealous of said friend. The dumbass is probably getting her sleep, while you lie there in agony.
Psychologist Nick Wignall explained that one of the biggest mistakes exhausted people make is worrying in bed, and that the anxiety of not sleeping is often what keeps the sleep from actually arriving. The mental to-do list running at midnight is a symptom of a brain that has not been permitted to power down.
2. The 'should I just lie here until my bladder explodes?' struggle
You seriously need to use the facilities, but there are problems involved with doing so. The kid currently lying right on top of your head will chase you down the hall. While she's at it, she will request a cup of water, a ham sandwich, and an ice cream sundae.
She may or may not decide to use the bathroom herself — just for fun, of course. Because of the numerous issues that may occur with getting up, you decide to stay in bed. You continue not sleeping.
A 2024 study on parental burnout found that the chronic stress of caregiving, especially for mothers managing multiple children and daily tasks, is strongly linked to anxiety and diminished personal functioning over time. The fact that getting up to use the bathroom feels like a logistical nightmare at 2 am is not dramatic; it is what deep exhaustion looks like in real life.
3. The 'how am I supposed to get through the day?' struggle
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This begins as soon as the alarm goes off. You lay there, mad at yourself for once again not taking advantage of this thing called sleep. Your heart starts racing. Of course, the exhaustion is really strong on the busy and full days. You have an important meeting in an hour. You can't seem to get the kids up. You don't remember what time Ben has karate and Harper has soccer. Or is it the other way around?
And are you even getting the kids' names right? They could very well be called Bobby and Harlow for all you know. You want to cry. You plead with coffee to save you, but you aren't sure it will this time. You aren't certain that you will make it through the day without falling on the floor.
Sleep deprivation impairs memory, attention, alertness, and decision-making, meaning the genuine inability to remember which kid has karate is not a personal failing but a predictable neurological outcome of not getting enough rest. A 2023 study explained that when your brain has not slept, it literally cannot access information the way it normally would.
4. The 'inclement weather' struggle
At some point, you may decide to turn the television on to see what's going on in the world. In times like these, the weather generally varies from two extremes: unbearingly hot and unbearingly cold. You're so far gone at this point that you curse the weatherman for not giving everybody the day off.
In your fantasy, the president would call it a "just get your ass back into bed day." He would understand. When you're forced to face reality, you wonder if you will make it to the school yard without passing out from dehydration. In case of frigid weather, you imagine yourself falling into a snowdrift and not being found for days.
Dr. Majid Fotuhi, a memory and brain health expert at Johns Hopkins University, has explained that chronic sleep deprivation causes the hippocampus to become inflamed and shrink. So the surreal feeling that a cold forecast is personally offensive is a sleep-deprived brain struggling to process anything that requires effort.
5. The 'I should have listened to my mom' struggle
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Hey, she did warn you. However, you chose to ignore all her nap requests because playing with Barbie and her dream house was much more important. She then proceeded to yell at you during your college years while you stayed up all night watching Grey's Anatomy marathons. Why didn't you listen? How could you not realize just how precious sleep was?
Sleep researchers have consistently documented that insufficient sleep accumulates over time as a kind of cognitive debt, and that the deficit from years of chronic partial sleep restriction is not easily reversed. Your mom's nap advice was, it turns out, neurologically sound.
6. The 'mid-day crash' struggle
You thought it wasn't even remotely possible that you would make it through the morning. Well, you did. But the morning struggle is nothing compared to the one that you face mid-day. It's that period in late morning/early afternoon when you need to crash. You long for a bed just to lie in. You envy all the babies taking their naps. You cry a bit... or a lot.
Clinical psychologist Erica Wollerman explains that sleep disturbances are one of the biggest signals that someone has pushed past their limit, and that the cycle is hard to break because stress and exhaustion keep feeding each other. The afternoon crash is your body sending a very clear memo that it is no longer optional to rest.
7. The 'should I savor time alone or fall face-first?' struggle
You finally made it. The kids are fed, bathed, and starting to doze off. At this point, you realize that an important decision needs to be made. Before motherhood, there was this thing that you used to enjoy: "me" time. Sometimes you catch up on your favorite shows. Sometimes you read a book. Sometimes you may have even had a glass of wine, or ten.
You yearn for the time when you were able to enjoy this precious nightly ritual. While you're mulling this over, a kid suddenly asks for milk while the other one needs to go to the bathroom for the tenth time. No rest for the weary.
Making time for oneself in motherhood, even in small amounts, is considered a proactive strategy for preventing postnatal illness and protecting mental health over time, a 2023 study explained. The cruel irony is that the moment you finally get a window for it, the children reappear like they have been waiting specifically for that exact second.
Kathleen Sullivan is a freelance writer and contributor to YourTango who writes about the typical everyday challenges in raising a family, personality, and relationships.
