Socially Intelligent People Bond Almost Instantly With Others By Saying These 11 Things
Rommel Canlas | Shutterstock We can all benefit from building stronger relationships, and that is something socially intelligent people know innately. After all, our ability to bond and form connections benefits people enormously, in so many ways.
But reaching that level of comfort isn’t always easy for everyone. Some people aren't gifted with innate social intelligence and need to work harder to build bonds with others. Luckily, there are certain phrases you can use to form deep, lasting connections with everyone you meet.
Socially intelligent people bond almost instantly with others by saying these 11 things
1. 'I can totally relate'
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Socially intelligent people know that being relatable and reflecting someone else's experiences or feelings helps people bond. We are drawn to familiar people, with one study finding that people prefer familiar faces over unfamiliar ones.
Meeting a stranger is already uncomfortable, but when we have a sense of familiarity, it can make forming a bond a whole lot easier. Now, that doesn't mean we should change who we are or falsely say we can relate. But saying it out loud when you can relate helps establish a commonality with the other person, making it a lot easier to form an instant connection.
2. 'What are your thoughts on this?'
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People love to talk about themselves, but more than that, people love feeling as if their opinions and ideas matter. That's why socially intelligent people bond with others by asking their thoughts and feelings on a regular basis, and then take their insights to heart.
While it makes others happy to get their perspective, it's good for you, too. Research suggests that social interactions with others boosts our mood. And a boost in mood can be the difference between forming an instantaneous bond or not forming one at all.
3. 'I see where you're coming from'
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It's frustrating when you feel like your opinions or ideas aren't being understood or heard. After all, we all want to feel important. So, when you go out of your way to validate someone else, this can help form a bond.
Socially intelligent people relate by saying things like, "I can see where you're coming from" when someone is expressing an opinion or talking about a conflict or difference in opinion. They know that saying they understand doesn't mean they agree, it simply shows they are not just listening, they want to understand.
Validating someone else's emotions helps them to better regulate their own emotions. Multiple studies have collectively found that "invalidation escalates emotion, whereas validation may decrease emotion or not impact emotion at all." This small act of kindness can turn into gratefulness, making it much easier to form a bond with someone.
4. 'Can you help me better understand?'
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It's okay to admit when you don't know everything, and nobody understands this better than someone who's socially intelligent. People with social intelligence help build bonds with others by asking them to explain something so they can understand.
Less confident people might be afraid to admit they might be wrong or even that they don't fully get it. But one study determined that people who admitted to making a mistake on Facebook were more likely to be viewed as competent and admirable. So, if you don't know something, be honest.
Say, "Can you help me better understand this?" Most likely, doing this will earn you extra brownie points and help you form a possible new relationship.
5. 'Let's solve this problem together'
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As the old adage goes, teamwork makes the dream work, and socially intelligent people understand this. They know that working as a team is the best way to bond by improving connection and communication.
But that's not all. Research shows that working together as a team boosts problem-solving skills as a whole, making the problem-solving process easier, smoother, and more efficient. And when you prove to someone that you have these abilities, it makes it more likely to form a connection.
6. 'I really admire how you...'
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Did you know that helping others can help increase your happiness? According to one study, happiness increased when people performed random acts of kindness for seven days straight. And when people are happier around you, it's much easier to form a relationship.
That's why socially intelligent people love sharing genuine compliments. It helps them bond with others and makes people feel good, which benefits them, too!
The next time you're talking to someone, don't be afraid to do what socially intelligent people do and say, "I really admire this about you." Chances are they'll appreciate your compliment and feel a closer connection to you because of it.
7. 'Thanks for the help on this'
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There are people who are afraid to ask for help, and when they receive it, they may even pretend they didn't need it. This can be frustrating for socially intelligent people who don't mind asking for help and will be grateful when someone offers assistance.
See, socially intelligent people are appreciative of others, and there's a good reason for it. Not only is it the polite thing to do, but expressing gratitude helps improve mental health and has a lasting change in perspective. Expressing gratitude to someone else also shows appreciation, which makes them feel good.
This combined benefit makes it easier for socially intelligent people to easily form relationships with others. And even if you don't consider yourself to be especially socially intelligent, practicing gratitude, particularly with people you've just met, can make it easier to make a lasting impression.
8. 'I feel this way'
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They say that honesty is the best policy and, in most cases, they'd be right. Being able to be honest with someone makes it a lot easier for them to trust you. It's something those with social intelligence fully understand.
If you're better able to trust someone, it makes it less complicated to bond on a deeper level. After all, people usually don't open up and become vulnerable with someone they don't completely trust. So share your opinion, respectfully, and respect other people's. That's the way socially intelligent do it.
9. 'Sorry you have to go through this'
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Socially intelligent people are not afraid to be empathetic or compassionate to other people's struggles. As a matter of fact, they know others tend to appreciate you more for it. This helps you form true, lasting bonds with others.
Researchers viewed the relationships between compassion and empathy, finding that cancer patients "Reported both empathy and compassion as having a positive effect on their care experiences, allowing them to feel heard, understood, and validated."
By offering someone empathy, you're showing that you understand what they are going through, and can lend a helping hand or listening ear when necessary.
10. 'I'm sorry, you're absolutely right'
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Being able to admit that someone else is right is hard. It's doubly hard when you were wrong. Still, socially intelligent people know that these skills are key in order to bond with others.
People view those who honestly admit to their mistakes as competent and admirable. And when you're perceived this way, it makes it more likely that people will confide in you. This is truly the foundation of strong friendship and romantic relationship bonds.
11. 'That's a great point'
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Admitting and even admiring someone else is making a great point is one powerful way socially intelligent people validate someone else's experiences or ideas. This also opens up the door for them to further express or explain themselves.
If they're comfortable with this, they unconsciously begin to feel more connected to you, as you continuously show that you're actively listening and genuinely interested in what they're saying.
While research shows we don't always know when someone is highly intelligent (despite trying to guess), everyone likes to be admired, especially for their intelligence. That's why socially intelligent people will admit someone is right, and say it right out loud.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
