A Baby Boomer Had Conversation With A Couple In Their 60s That Changed How He Saw The 'Perfect Life'
Vlada Karpovich | CanvaDo you have the perfect picture in your head of how life should be? A beautiful home in the suburbs, a loving husband, 2.3 children, and a nice car, perhaps? We all have an idea of what our perfect life would be.
I know many women in their 30s and 40s who worry they may not achieve their idea of the perfect life. But sometimes, the perfect picture we have in our heads isn't how our life ends up. Even research agrees that life doesn't always deliver our idea of perfection.
I’m a baby boomer, and one conversation with a couple in their 60s changed how I see the 'perfect life'.
My perfect picture was travelling the world, being independent, not answering to anybody, and living out of hotels.
I wanted the fast cars and the rock star lifestyle. The universe took me in a very different direction. It gave me a daughter. Now, my perfect picture is how life is today.
I get to spend beautiful moments with my daughter. I get to see her grow up. I get to learn about her. Seeing this beautiful soul evolving is the most amazing experience.
I want to talk to you about your perfect picture.
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I want you to understand that life doesn't always turn out the way you think it will. Life may not be 2.3 children, a house, and a husband for you. I certainly didn't think I was going to become a dating expert. It was never even in the realm of possibility for me.
But here I am, living that life right now, and enjoying my life as a dating expert. I'm somebody who gets to impact people's lives in a positive way. I have the chance to change the way people think every day.
When I started in this business, I thought the whole thing was crazy. Who was going to pay for dating advice? Who was going to pay for coaching?
So what does this mean for you?
When you're dating, and you're out there meeting men, you might have an idea of what your perfect man should be like. But very few men will ever fit your description of perfection. No man will be able to live up to your perfect picture. And that's fine, because our perfect picture changes every day.
A study explored how, as we grow and move through life, the universe changes our perspective. The universe changes the direction we move in, and we have to embrace and go with it. So look at your life right now.
Look at the way things have happened in your life. It's a cliché, but it's true. Everything in life happens for a reason. You have to be open to whatever life presents to you.
I'm going to share a story with you today, which demonstrates what I mean.
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Years ago, I was going to buy a house. I didn't buy it, but I wish I had because it was beautiful. I sat down with the owners of the house one night to talk to them. I wanted to find out what they were all about. For me, buying a house is such a life-changing decision that I wanted to get a feel for the people who live there. They were in their 60s, and I asked them how long they’d been together.
The woman looked at me and said, "Todd and I have been together 20 years now, haven’t we, babe?" He looked at her and said, "Yeah. It’s amazing. I didn’t think it would last more than a few months." I asked him why he didn’t think it would last, and he said, "I’ll let her tell you."
She looked at me and said, "David. I was 39 years old. I'd never found love. I hadn't met the right man. I'd been with plenty of men over the years, but I hadn't found true love. I desperately wanted children, and at 39, it didn't look like it would happen. Then I met Todd. When I met him, everything was perfect.
The first few months were great. At the start of the relationship, he told me he didn't want children. Being a typical woman, I thought I could change him. He'll want kids eventually. A few months into it, we fell in love.
One night he looked at me and said he loved me. He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, but he couldn't give me children. He didn't want to be the one to ruin my dreams, but he just couldn't have children. Then do you remember what you said to me, Todd? You told me to think about whether I wanted to stay with you."
I sat there completely compelled by this story.
I asked her what happened next. She was still with Todd all these years later, but how did they get to this point? She looked at me and continued, "I thought about my life. I thought about my dreams, and the things I'd always wanted, and I asked myself some difficult questions.
"I asked myself whether I'd ever meet a man like Todd if I left him now. I'd never connected with a man in the way I did with him, and I'd never loved anyone as I loved him. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I then made the hardest decision of my life.
"I didn't walk out on Todd. I walked away from my perfect picture. I could enjoy loving Todd, I could enjoy traveling, and I could enjoy freedom. I chose a life with him."
I asked her if she had any regrets.
And she said, "To this day, I still think it would have been amazing to have been a Mother. But I've experienced so many other things. I've experienced true love. I've experienced our love grow and develop. I've experienced things I didn’t think were possible in a relationship. So to answer your question, David, no, I don’t have a single regret."
They looked at each other, held hands, and smiled. It was an amazing moment, and the perfect end to their story. You see, in life, we don’t know what the universe is going to offer us. Just like in my life, I wanted one thing, and ended up with the greatest gift a man could have — my daughter.
So look at where you're at and be open to whatever opportunities life throws your way. It may not fit into your perfect picture of how life should be, but it could end up being far greater than you’d ever imagined.
David Wygant was an author, dating coach, and lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post. His advice was featured on television, in newspapers, and in magazines worldwide. His coaching career was rumored to have inspired the movie, Hitch.
