If A Man Shows These 11 Signs Early On, He May Not Be Particularly Stable
Lopolo / ShutterstockWhen you first get involved with a man, he may show the best side of himself. Instead of being honest, he might attempt to win you over by hiding the ways he is emotionally unstable.
It can be hard to get a genuine read on a man early on. This can be a difficult task to navigate. There are subtle signs you may start to notice. If he does certain things that have you wondering about his true intentions, you may want to trust your gut. If he’s doing certain things, he may not be particularly stable.
If a man shows these 11 signs early on, he may not be particularly stable:
1. He comes on too strong
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At first, having someone who gives you the world early on can feel flattering. When a man comes on strong, you may think he knows what he wants. It can seem like he is willing to do everything he can to make you feel special. However, it may be a sign that he isn’t exactly stable.
By coming on too strong, a man may be trying to take dominance over you. He may reveal too much to reel you in, but it can feel overwhelming. If he comes on too strong, it may be a sign that he might not be particularly stable.
2. He love bombs you
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Love bombing can feel good in the moment. When a relationship is new, it feels special to be showered with kindness. If someone shows extreme flattery, pressures you to commit, and becomes clingy early on, it can be a sign that he is not particularly stable. Instead, he’s doing his best to reel you in and get you stuck in his web. He wants to woo you early on so you become captivated by him.
It can be hard to tell the difference between someone love bombing you and a man giving you genuine affection. If he comes on too strong and it feels like he is trying to manipulate you with kindness, it can be an early sign that he is not the most stable partner you can have.
3. He is possessive
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Have you been in a relationship with someone who wanted to control you? Instead of supporting you, they told you how to live your life. He played a role in every aspect of your life, whether you wanted him to or not. This is a sign of possessiveness. A controlling relationship is toxic, and it can be difficult to escape from.
Possessiveness in a relationship can be subtle. Sometimes, it may not be obvious that they are trying to take control over you. They may try to convince you that they have your best interests at heart. However, it’s important to look for subtle signs of control and realize that the person may not be stable.
4. He’s hot and cold
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A man who isn’t particularly stable may be a doting partner one day, then ice-cold the next. Initially, his attraction to you may have him do anything he can to please you. Once he wins you over, he may grow cold. When he wants you back in his life, he brings the heat again. This cycle can be frustrating.
It can be hard to navigate this type of relationship. You can see how kind and loving he can be. You know his potential, and you may think there is a chance he will be like that at all times. Unfortunately, the chance of that happening is likely slim. Instead, it’s a sign that he may not be completely stable.
5. He has mood swings
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Going along with hot and cold behavior can be mood swings. Something that made him happy one day can set off his anger the next. It can be hard to get a read on a man like this. He may have random outbursts of anger. Emotions tend to run high when someone is experiencing mood swings often.
"Moodiness stems from an unwillingness to confront and work through deeper issues. Brooding and blaming others is a way to avoid digging deeper into the inner source of anger and resentment," says Amy Lewis Bear, MS, LPC. "Moody people avoid facing and resolving their personal conflicts when others accept the blame and cater to them. They get stuck in narcissistic tendencies, immaturity, and controlling behavior toward others."
6. He never takes accountability
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Taking accountability for our actions is one of the most important things we can do. It shows that we acknowledge when we mess up. Let’s face it, no one is perfect. If a man isn’t willing to apologize for behavior that causes you harm, it’s a sign that he may not be particularly stable. It will appear he has no understanding of his behavior at all.
This can be especially harmful in a relationship. Instead of taking accountability for his actions, he may try to play the blame game. Everything will be anyone else’s fault but his. This isn’t a person you likely want to get into a relationship with.
7. His anger gets the best of him
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Anger is something we all experience. It’s how we manage those feelings that matters most. If a man lets his anger get the best of him, he may not be particularly stable. This can lead to scary altercations and arguments that can put you at risk. If a man isn’t willing to work on managing his anger, he is likely not going to be a good partner.
Experiencing anger in life is natural. However, by choosing to ignore this emotion, he is creating more problems. Someone who doesn’t have their anger controlled may not be particularly stable.
8. He is emotionally unavailable
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It’s not always easy for men to share their emotions. Growing up, they were likely taught that showing how they feel meant they were weak. This upbringing can cause them to become emotionally unavailable adults. Instead of being open and honest with their emotions, they may keep them bottled up. This can cause issues to arise and resentment to grow.
Emotionally unavailable men may love you, but knowing them at a deep level is hard. They may hide their feelings from you or send mixed signals. You may have to read between the lines to understand how he really feels, which can be difficult to navigate.
9. He ignores your feelings
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It can be difficult to share how we feel with someone else. It’s especially daunting if you need to confront them about how their behavior impacts you. If you tell a man how his actions make you feel, and he blows it off as if it is nothing, it can be a sign that he is not particularly stable. Taking a look at his behavior may be something he isn’t interested in doing.
Sometimes, a man like this will not only ignore your feelings but turn them back on you. He may convince you that your feelings are wrong and that you are misremembering something. This is a form of gaslighting, which is not healthy in a relationship. A man who tries to tell you that your feelings are invalid is not someone worth your time and energy.
10. He puts himself first
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Being in a relationship with someone self-centered is difficult. It will seem like they only care about themselves, and that might be true. Sometimes, people are in relationships for themselves. They want another person to take care of their needs. If this is happening in your relationship, your partner may not be particularly stable. Instead, he is looking for you to pick up the slack for him. It’s unlikely he’ll do much for you in return.
"Selfishness can be subtly manifested in many ways. For example, your partner may be overly controlling, expecting you, at least sometimes, to carry out the other's wishes," says Robert Enright, Ph.D. "Your partner may be overly angry at times, displacing anger onto you so that you are scratching your head and wondering, 'Now what? I really have done nothing to deserve wrath.' Your partner may be giving off occasional signals that you are a bit inferior in the relationship, and the subtle message is that this is how it is supposed to be."
11. He disrespects boundaries
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Every relationship needs a healthy foundation. By setting boundaries, you are making it clear where you stand. While you want to be there for your partner, you know you can’t sacrifice every aspect of your life for them. By forming boundaries, you are protecting your own peace. If a man constantly tries to cross them, he may not be completely stable. He is likely trying to take advantage of you.
Some men believe they deserve everything they want in a relationship. When this is the case, a man might cross the line with you over and over again. This is not only disrespectful but also an obvious sign that he cares more about himself than he does about you.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
