If You Tend To Say These 13 Things About Your Boyfriend, You Should Probably Just Break Up With Him Now
A.J.StockPhotos | ShutterstockSometimes relationships look fine on the surface, but still aren't right for the people in them. You might get along well enough, treat each other kindly, and avoid major drama, yet something still feels off. When that happens, it's easy to convince yourself to stay, even when the relationship clearly isn't working the way it should.
One of the biggest clues that a relationship isn't right is the way you talk about your partner. If you catch yourself saying certain things about your boyfriend, it may reveal serious doubts about attraction, compatibility, or long-term happiness. If these things sound familiar, it might be a sign it's time to seriously rethink the relationship.
If you tend to say these 13 things about your boyfriend, you should probably just break up with him now:
1. 'I'm not really attracted to him, but he treats me well'
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Kindness matters, but attraction is still a huge part of a romantic relationship. If you already know you're not physically attracted to your boyfriend, that issue usually gets harder to ignore over time. Eventually, it can create distance, resentment, and hurt feelings for both of you.
This is a bad, bad sign. While you might not think that this is such a big deal now, it will get harder and harder to be intimate with him. Eventually, you will not be able to do it, your partner will be seriously hurt, and things will come to an awful head. Do your partner a favor and dump him now, so that you don’t end up breaking his soul later.
2. 'I'm dating him because I feel like I'm supposed to'
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Dating someone out of obligation rarely ends well. If the only reason you're with him is that it feels like the "right" thing to do, that's a strong sign the relationship isn't based on honest feelings.
I honestly believe "supposed to" is one of the most dangerous phrases in the English language. Nothing is ever "supposed to" happen to people because people are humans, not robots. If you're not enjoying him, don't date him.
3. 'We want completely different things in life'
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Maybe he dreams of a quiet life in the country, while you want to chase big career goals in the city. He wants a housewife; you want to be the CEO of a Fortune 500. In the short run, things might work out as long as you have a compromise, but in the long run, one of you will likely resent the other over these decisions.
Research from The Journal of Happiness found that compromises are important in a relationship, but not when you start to lose yourself. Differences aren't always deal-breakers, but when your long-term goals are completely at odds, they often lead to resentment down the road.
4. 'He doesn't really seem attracted to me'
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Feeling desired matters just as much as feeling respected. If your boyfriend rarely shows attraction or intimacy toward you, it can slowly erode your confidence and emotional connection to each other.
Much like if you weren't attracted to him, his attraction to you is a non-negotiable. If he doesn't want to sleep with you or doesn't satisfy you in the ways that matter, it will end up hurting you in the long run. It's better to cut things off now than to wait until your self-esteem breaks.
5. 'I know I don't want to end up with him long-term'
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If you already know you can't picture a future together, staying in the relationship usually just delays the inevitable. It's often kinder to be honest with yourself and with him rather than continuing something you know won't last.
I may be different in this way, but most people aren't. You can't just get yourself attracted to a person, nor is it always possible to adapt to life with a person you aren't totally head-over-heels for. If you're holding out for someone "so much better" or if you know you'd go nuts being with him forever, don't do it.
6. 'I'd be embarrassed to introduce him to my friends or family'
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If the idea of bringing your boyfriend around the people closest to you makes you uncomfortable, that's worth paying attention to. Feeling proud of your partner is an important part of a healthy relationship.
One thing I've noticed is that this is often one of the biggest signs your relationship is doomed, even if it's okay. If you feel ashamed of dating someone, you're not going to end up feeling happy with them in the long run, regardless of how well they treat you.
7. 'He's nice'
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Being nice is great, but if that's the only thing you can say about your partner, something may be missing. Most people want to feel excited about their relationship, not just politely satisfied with it.
Psychologist Robert Sternberg’s well-known Triangular Theory of Love explains that strong romantic relationships typically include intimacy, passion, and commitment; when passion is missing, the relationship can begin to feel more like friendship than romantic love.
Look, there are a lot of things that should be nice: ice cream, summer visits to family, and drinking, to name a few. But your partner? Your partner should be handsome. Your partner should be incredible. If this is your go-to phrase for your partner, you might not actually be in love with them.
8. 'I just don't feel happy with him'
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Sometimes two people simply aren't right for each other. Even if everything looks good on paper, a relationship that consistently leaves you unhappy is usually not one worth forcing.
If you're not happy, you're not happy. Sometimes, you're just not right for one another, even if you should work well on paper. It's okay to be honest with yourself about this and say it's time to move on.
9. 'I keep wondering if I'd be happier single'
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If you constantly debate whether you'd rather be alone than in a relationship, that inner conflict is telling you something important. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people who regularly experience relationship doubts are significantly more likely to break up later, even if the relationship initially seems stable.
Be objective here: Do you get treated well? Do you feel comfortable with your partner? If either of these questions isn't quite on point, you need to reevaluate things. Doubt like that usually doesn't disappear on its own.
10. 'My friends think I should break up with him'
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Friends often notice things we try to ignore. If the people who care about you are seriously worried about your relationship, it may be worth listening to their perspective.
There are many times in your life when you will not realize how bad things really are. Most of the time, this happens with dating, and it's often your friends who will be the ones to try to talk to you and convince you to do something for your own good.
If your friends sit you down and tell you that they're worried about you because of who you're dating, listen to them. They may be onto something.
11. 'I'm trying to avoid spending time with him'
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Making excuses to cancel plans or avoiding intimacy can be a sign that your feelings have already changed. When being around your partner starts to feel like a chore, the relationship may already be withering. Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family found that emotional withdrawal and avoidance behaviors are some of the strongest predictors of eventual breakups, often showing up long before couples officially end things.
These are serious signs that you should end your relationship. It's painful for the person you're bailing on to realize you don't prioritize them or like them. It's even more painful to drag a relationship on when you both know that this is the case.
Don't do this to your partner. Show some respect and drop them so they can find someone right for them.
12. 'I like the idea of him more than who he actually is'
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It's easy to fall for someone's potential or the image of the relationship you wish you had. But loving the idea of someone is very different from loving the real person standing in front of you.
It's like seeing a costumed character IRL versus seeing one in cartoons. If you like the concept of them on paper, more than who they are in real life, you need to break up. You can't fall in love with something that isn't there and expect a good relationship to come from it.
13. 'I feel like I settled'
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That gut feeling is hard to ignore. If you constantly feel like you accepted less than what you truly wanted, resentment can grow over time and make the relationship unhealthy for both of you.
This is a bad feeling, so if you feel like you're settling or just getting a "raw deal," just break it off.
One study reports that 73% of married people feel they have settled into their relationships. Your partner will be more hurt by realizing that you think of them that way than you'd ever know.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others.
