Life Coach Recommends Doing 5 Essential Things If You're Truly Serious About Finding Someone
Pooria Shahriari | UnsplashThere is plenty of advice out there about how to find someone, but if you want to get serious and learn how to attract a potential relationship into your life, you need to know if you're doing the right thing. Ask yourself: Are your actions attracting love or blocking it from your life?
Anyone can use their ability to focus specifically on what they want to attract love into their life. So, if you're attracted to a person and want them to feel the same way, you can make some adjustments in your life. Finding love requires some inner work.
A life coach recommends doing these 5 essential things if you're truly serious about finding someone:
1. It's cliché, but love yourself first
This may seem cliche but it is so important when you're dating and looking for love. If you don't love yourself or are always putting yourself down, you will only attract those who won't truly love you and who will also put you down. How you treat yourself will be directly reflected in who you attract to you.
Learn to admire yourself and be confident! Be in love with yourself! Don't compare yourself to others — love your amazing qualities! Confidence attracts love. Think about it, do you want someone insecure and down on themselves all the time? No, you want someone confident! If you aren't confident in yourself, no one else can be either!
Work through any insecurities you have and know you are exactly who you should be. Love is attracted to fun and confidence. Let down the walls you have built up, love yourself, and have some fun!
Research on self-defeating behaviors showed how feeling distressed, like when you are pushing yourself to find love, aggravates anxious and avoidant attachment styles, which can block you from expressing emotion. To get unblocked, the study found that building healthy self-esteem and believing in yourself helps to reduce the anxiety and avoidance that drives relationship self-sabotage.
2. Don't be singularly focused on finding love
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Unfortunately, love only comes when you least expect it and aren't looking for it. When you are desperately looking for love, an energy of desperation comes through, and you can never attract love. Focus on finding happiness within yourself first, and put your energy into that. Happiness can only be found within yourself first.
"Imagine what it would be like if you met someone wonderful and were told that their happiness was entirely dependent on you," asked dating coach Iona Yeung. "How would that feel? It's a huge amount of pressure to put on anyone. Humans aren't perfect. We all say and do the wrong things at times. If you expect [someone] to keep you happy and treat you according to a standard of perfection 100 percent of the time, [they're] going to see you as desperate and needy, and it won't bode well for either of you."
3. Let go of the past
You cannot be holding on to an ex or be stuck in the past and expect to move forward with love. So, look back and be sure you have fully moved forward. Work through and close any past chapters so you can be free of the past.
Look into all areas of your past, not just relationships. Are there emotions you haven't dealt with and things you haven't faced yet? Focus on settling those things so you can free yourself for love! Holding onto the past only takes up the space where love goes. Empty that space so you are ready for love!
Co-creator of Imago Family Therapy, Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., explained how “We develop defenses against the inadequacies of our childhoods, over which we have no control, and we drag them along with us wherever we go, whomever we’re with. These are coping mechanisms, which, through repetition, harden into character defenses that continue through life to obey the original mandate to ensure our survival. They are the only way we know to protect us in what we perceive as threatening situations.”
4. Express your true self
Be yourself. Let your true self be free. Hiding or being secretive can never attract true love. That only creates more secretiveness and attracts those who can't accept your true self, which always ends badly. Research showed how self-compassion helps cultivate true authenticity. So, always speak up and say how you feel, never push anything under the rug, or ignore red flags. You must be your authentic self to attract authentic love.
5. Don't ever look for someone to save you
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Don't ever go into a relationship thinking you need to be saved. To find love, you need to be whole in yourself first, then love is the cherry on top. A 2007 study supported that looking for someone to save you will only turn into an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship, since all interactions in relationships are regulated by our sense of self. Remember, only you can save yourself; no one else can do it for you. These dating tips may sound simple, but they require your full attention and effort. And when you've implemented them, you will finally be ready to love and attract the right person into your life.
Kristine Carlson is a psychic medium, advanced soul realignment practitioner, life coach, and author.
