Men Who Only Care About Themselves Often Share These 11 Hurtful Habits
mimagephotography / ShutterstockWhen dating, finding a good man can feel impossible. It’s like everyone has found all of the good men, and there is none left for you. We know this isn’t the case, but it can still feel overwhelming. Often, we meet men who are clearly more obsessed with themselves than they are with their relationships.
Some men are not relationship material. They’re more focused on getting what they want than on fostering a strong relationship. Often, they’ll do little things that show they’re interested in you. Then, their behavior will look completely different. Instead of focusing on you, they are more interested in getting what they want. They’ll show their true intentions in the hurtful habits they keep.
Men who only care about themselves often share these 11 hurtful habits
1. They control the conversation
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When talking to someone, there needs to be an equal flow to the conversation. Both people should have the chance to say what they want. If one person is taking control, it can be a red flag. Sometimes, people get excited and start gushing about their favorite things. However, if a man refuses to let you get a word in, he likely only cares about himself.
By focusing on his own wants and needs, he’s telling you he doesn’t care about yours. Likely, he wants to keep all eyes on himself. He’s not looking to share the conversation with you; he wants you to hear all about him.
2. They lack empathy
Showing empathy is crucial in a relationship. You need to feel like you’re connected to your partner. By putting yourself in their shoes, you can better understand them. A man who lacks this ability will likely make a bad partner. They may not actually care about what you’re going through. It may be a sign that he only cares about himself.
Someone who refuses to show empathy may be self-centered. Instead of focusing on how they can help you, they may be too caught up in their own world.
3. They never apologize
We are all going to hurt people in our lives. Whether we mean to or not, it’s part of life. What matters is that we take accountability. If a man hurts you but refuses to apologize, he likely thinks he can do no wrong. This may be a sign that he only cares about himself and protecting his own ego. Someone like this does not make a good partner, as their priority seems to be only themselves.
Growing up, he may have been taught that showing emotion is a weakness. When taking accountability, he is acknowledging his behavior was wrong. It may be an uncomfortable feeling for him. Regardless, it is not an excuse for poor behavior. A man needs to own up to his shortcomings, and an apology is the bare minimum.
4. They need constant validation
It’s normal to seek validation from others. It feels good to hear how people feel about us. It can help our self-esteem. However, relying on constant validation can be problematic. They may lack confidence and be dependent on others to fill that void. If a man acts this way but fails to give you that same attention, it’s a red flag.
Seeking constant validation from someone else while failing to make them feel good in return is a sign that he may only care about himself. He may have high expectations for you, but fails to meet you the same way.
5. They withhold compliments
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If someone only cares about themselves, they may withhold certain things from their partner. They may be intimidated when you succeed. If they’re not complimenting you or celebrating your wins, they’re not a good partner. A person like this may have narcissistic tendencies that make them demand a lot from you, while giving nothing in return.
“Malignant narcissists do not like giving healthy praise to others, even when it is warranted, unless it caters to their agenda. They may engage in excessively praising you at the onset when they are love bombing you to get you to invest in them, but once they feel you’re ‘hooked,’ they will begin withholding interest in your life entirely,” says Shahida Arabi, MA. "They will fail to acknowledge what makes you happy, refuse to recognize events that are worthy of celebration, and withdraw from complimenting you altogether. Meanwhile, they will sadistically give praise to someone else to further demean you – an act of triangulation meant to unsettle you into feeling undeserving and less than.”
6. They dismiss your feelings
All feelings are valid. Sometimes, we may take things differently than someone else does, but we still need them to acknowledge our feelings. If a man only cares about their own feelings and never gives you that same attention, he may be selfish. Dismissing your feelings invalidates you. It makes you wonder if what you’re feeling is accurate.
This could be a form of gaslighting. A man may dismiss your feelings so much that you no longer remember if what you’re upset about actually happened. This can be toxic in a relationship, and it is a hurtful habit that can be a major red flag. It’s emotional invalidation.
7. They always put themselves first
We all need to make ourselves a priority in our relationships. If we are giving too much to our partner, we may be draining ourselves. However, there is a balance between self-care and selfishness. If a man is constantly putting himself first, he may not be a good partner. He could be caught up in his own world without any regard for others.
In relationships, each person needs to make the other a priority. To have a successful partnership, work needs to be done. If a man is only interested in himself, he may never make you a true priority. He may be too self-centered for a healthy relationship.
8. They never listen
Talking to someone who never listens is like speaking with a brick wall. Both things will give you the same amount of attention. A man who only cares about himself cares less about what you have to say, and more about what you can do for him. When you’re going through something or confronting him about something that hurts your feelings, and he scrolls on his phone or looks the other way, it’s a red flag. You deserve a partner who actively listens. If this isn’t happening, he may be too self-absorbed.
Even if he doesn’t want to engage in the conversation, the least he can do is listen to you. While you’re sharing something important, he might be thinking about himself. It’s clear he doesn’t value the relationship if he can’t actively listen to his partner speak.
9. They can’t handle feedback
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No one is perfect, especially in relationships. Things are going to unfold that one partner may not be comfortable with. Whether it’s how arguments unfold or a lack of emotional intimacy, each person needs to be able to give feedback. A relationship will stay stagnant if nothing ever changes. When change needs to happen, and a man isn’t willing to hear the feedback, he likely only cares about himself.
Someone like this might have a hard time seeing their faults. If you tell them something is bothering you and they refuse to take a hard look at their behavior to make things better, they are likely someone who shouldn’t be in a long-term relationship.
10. They never show appreciation
Women do a lot for their partners. Each person takes on certain roles in a relationship. Whether they provide emotional support or keep their apartment tidy, some women do a lot for the man in their lives. Hopefully, the man will step up in return. At the very least, he should show appreciation. If a man doesn’t, he may think he is entitled to what his partner does for him.
This is a sign that he only cares about himself. He may expect things without giving in return. If he refuses to show appreciation, he is likely very selfish.
11. They take you for granted
It’s not uncommon for certain things to become expected in relationships. If you’ve been together for a long time, you may get caught up in a routine. One person does the dishes, and the other does the cooking. Division of tasks is one thing, but providing support for each other is a different thing entirely. If one partner is doing all of the heavy lifting, both with chores and emotions, they may be getting taken for granted by their partner. They likely believe you will always be available for them and don’t need to show you the appreciation you deserve.
“Keep in mind that being underappreciated and undervalued in one relationship can be a big drain on your other relationships. After all, one minute spent on a person who is taking you for granted and doesn't deserve your time is one less minute for someone who does deserve your time. Don't take for granted what being taken for granted by someone can do to other people in your life,” says Bruce Y. Lee, M.D., M.B.A.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
