Most Men Over 40 Are Deeply Unattracted To These 10 Things Gen Z Finds ‘Hot’ About Women
Koldunov / ShutterstockMuch like social norms change over the years, so too do dating expectations and perceptions of what is attractive across generations. While we often think of attraction as tied to some empirical standard of beauty, the truth is that it’s typically far more subjective. What any one man or woman finds attractive depends on factors like their age, familiarity, interests, and values.
And while everyone has their own personal preferences, generational differences, shaped by varied experiences and social environments, also play a big role in what draws people to others. Because of this, most men over 40 are actually deeply unattracted to many of the things Gen Z finds "hot” about women, and vice versa.
Most men over 40 are deeply unattracted to these 10 things Gen Z finds ‘hot’ about women
1. Nonchalance
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Being nonchalant has become a dating trend for Gen Z people across the board. Many of them have a misguided notion that people who pretend not to be interested in someone, or play hard to get, are more attractive and admirable than someone who wears their emotions on their sleeve.
Even if their nonchalance is simply a way to act casual and engage in situationships without any real commitment, most men over 40 aren’t interested in the mind games. They’re attracted to effort and emotional maturity more than they are to someone who is trying to seem cool and important.
2. A hyper-curated aesthetic
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Driven by status and a desire for external validation from others or on social media, it’s not surprising that a hyper-curated, trendy aesthetic is something many young people find attractive today. From seeking large followings on social media to trying every trending style, young people want to be associated with people who have a curated vibe or aesthetic that improves their own self-image.
However, to older men, this kind of lifestyle and consumerism often comes across as fake. They didn’t grow up in the same kind of online culture or with the pressures of a cell phone impacting their connections all the time, so they prefer to live in the present. They prefer experiences and genuineness.
3. Playing hard to get
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Many young people are enthralled by the chase of dating, especially when they’re also facing burnout from choice overload from dating apps. Of course, they fear commitment and don’t want to settle down, because they’re chasing the high of chasing someone who’s playing hard to get, while still making space for a million other flirty conversations on dating apps.
However, for men over 40 who grew up in a much different, more traditional dating space, their attraction is much different. Whether it’s seeing one person at a time or appreciating an old-fashioned courting process, they don’t find emotional unavailability hot.
4. Overusing therapy speak
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According to a study published in the Theoretical Medicine and Bioethics journal, therapy speak, such as “you’re gaslighting me” or “I’m protecting my peace,” is sometimes used to discredit people, evade personal accountability, and seek status amongst young people today.
They have access to mental health resources and information online that other generations did not, and while it may help a lot of people, it’s also providing tools for some to be more avoidant and dismissive.
Most men over 40 may not even be aware of this modern therapy language, but especially when it’s used in a passive-aggressive or dismissive manner, they’re not interested in playing into the game of clinical, emotional maturity.
5. Inconsistent texts and calls
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While dating apps have made finding a partner easier for many people, regardless of their age, older men may be tired of inconsistent texting and calls. For younger generations seeking comfort a lot of the time, the chase of someone playing hard to get over text, whether it’s conscious or not, might be thrilling.
However, for older men who are often more interested in easy connections and in-person conversations, it’s draining and unattractive, regardless of who they’re speaking with. In general, many older men who are used to traditional dating timelines and in-person connections are tired of the online dating scene. Especially when dealing with someone who struggles to respond to texts and prefers to get to know someone online, it can be draining and lead to disinterest when they have to fight for someone’s attention while also boosting their own screen time.
6. Posting a curated lifestyle
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Living in our status-driven society and struggling to find their place within a landscape of deteriorating third spaces, it’s not surprising that posting images of a curated lifestyle and following every trend is desirable for young people. They want to feel seen, valued, and important, and without the tools to always create that emotional stability internally, they look to validation and external things for support.
Especially when they rely on screen time, social media, and overspending to achieve, this kind of behavior isn't something older men are interested in. Having to keep up with a certain lifestyle or seeing every aspect of their life posted on social media isn’t something they’re willing to make space for. They value honest, intentional experiences where both people stay fully present.
7. Following every trend
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Many young people today, facing loneliness and a lack of community, follow trends on social media for a sense of belonging. When they can’t connect with anyone in their typical lives, gaining what they see as status and being a part of something bigger than themselves can make them feel more important.
While having the “next best thing” and following trends to seem cool might be attractive to younger people, the need to follow trends is often deeply unattractive to older men. Especially when they lead to overspending and impulsive behavior typically tied to immaturity, their efforts to gain status are red flags.
8. A lack of resilience
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While there’s a resurgence of traditional gender views that some younger men are adopting, encouraging young women to take on more passive, inferior roles, more mature men who have a strong sense of self and belonging aren’t interested in this kind of persona. They don’t need to find their importance in being a protector for women, and even if they are somewhat traditional, a lack of resilience isn’t attractive.
These men don't need to find belonging in a community that hyper-emphasizes restrictive masculinity in relationships, but instead seek partners who have a similar level of resilience and emotional maturity.
9. Overusing phones and technology
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Many younger people, who’ve grown up with technology and the comfort of mindless entertainment, look to their phones as a distraction from discomfort. Whether it’s social anxiety or a sense of loneliness, their phones have become tools for emotional regulation, even if they disconnect them from the people and presence in their routines.
Especially when a person’s dependence on their phone for comfort negatively impacts conversations in person and a woman’s ability to connect by distracting herself from social anxiety, it’s no surprise that men over 40 are deeply unattracted to this kind of behavior. Even when they are dating women from their own generation, having to battle with a phone for their partner’s attention can feel disappointing, to say the least.
10. Impractical expectations
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While optimistic people who create lofty goals and visions for themselves are often more productive than rigid realists, older men with life experience and the hardening that typically comes from hardship, it’s not surprising that they find impractical expectations unattractive.
Especially because they didn’t grow up with social media suggesting a million potential outcomes and goals to chase after in their lives, it can be a point of disconnection between them and their ambitious, sometimes delusional, younger counterparts.
11. Being mysterious
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While playing games and trying to be mysterious might be a fun way to chase excitement for young people, most men over 40 aren’t interested in playing any type of game while dating. They’re looking for a mature connection, not someone who picks and chooses when they want to be open and share.
However, considering attraction and connections are often based on shared experiences, openness, and a willingness to share with others, it’s not surprising that people trying to be mysterious are less attractive and more lonely in the end. It might seem like an allure to a younger person seeking a partner, especially when status symbols are constantly shifting, but in reality, it’s a barrier to an honest, real connection.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
