7 Old-Fashioned Ideas About Marriage That Millennials & Gen-Z No Longer Believe In
fotoak | ShutterstockTime flies, people change, and generations establish new norms. Millennials and Gen-Z looking to marry or start a long-term relationship have looked at the past and found some old-fashioned ideas. Previous generations developed and perpetuated these relationship ideals based on issues being faced in those times. Yet, times change, people change, and the way we build relationships adapts to those changes.
Millennials and Gen-Z are redefining what a healthy marriage looks like, leaving behind many old-fashioned beliefs about gender roles and relationship expectations that previous generations simply accepted as fact.
Here are old-fashioned ideas about marriage that Millennials and Gen-Z no longer believe in:
1. Putting duty above personal freedom
Millennials and Gen-Z generally don't get tied down in the existing legal structure of the way marriages and common law work by limiting their sense of individuality, freedom, and financial independence. Commitment has become more about keeping your power and having trust, respect, freedom to be yourself, and personal responsibility rather than duty or loyalty."
— Carolyn Hidalgo, Executive Soul Coach
2. Accepting an unequal marriage
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Gen-Z and Millennials' embrace of equality and emotional well-being is changing conventional marriage patterns. They reject the idea of a single breadwinner, advocate shared financial obligations, and want to divide housework according to mutual convenience instead of following conventional gender norms. They support personal development and freedom in relationships, therefore resisting society's demands to fit out-of-date expectations, including marriage by a certain age or completing prescribed spousal responsibilities.
— Sidhharrth S. Kumaar, Life & Relationship Coach
3. Expecting women to carry the mental load
"In addition to being emotional caretakers, women are also relied upon to keep their households running and ensure that their families have everything they need. Carrying the mental load is work that never ends since it's directly connected to the lives and well-being of loved ones. While husbands might offer to pick up groceries on the way home, it's wives who are responsible for noticing what's needed. They're the ones writing out the grocery list and fielding questions about which brand of yogurt to buy. Most likely, they're the ones performing the practical labor that accompanies the mental load, as well. They cook dinner and make sure the kids eat their vegetables and clean the kitchen.
Most often, women who carry the mental load hit a breaking point because they're so depleted. Yet they still have to ask for their husband's help and outline what he needs to do to be helpful, which means they're still carrying the mental load, even when they reach out for support. Millennial and Gen-Z wives want their husbands to help out without being asked, which is something previous generations didn't get in their marriages."
— Alexandra Blogier, Author
4. Assuming traditional gender roles
"Millennials and Gen-Z tend to reject assumed roles, like cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the kids, vs. yard and car maintenance, that previous generations embraced. Part of the shift came with a much-needed end to specific gender roles."
— Larry Michel, Founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics
5. Indulging in mean spouse humor
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"Millennials and Gen-Z rarely make mean jokes about their spouses or their in-laws. The old "Take my wife ... please" joke was once popular, as were savage jokes about mothers-in-law. Such mockery of women is no longer acceptable. Indeed, younger generations often view them as crass and thoughtless, and they're more mindful to avoid hurtful jokes, particularly when it comes to family members."
— Gloria Brame, Ph.D., Therapist
6. Putting loyalty above happiness
"Millennials & Gen-Z will not stick around in an unhappy relationship just because that's what everyone expects them to do. If they're miserable in the relationship, they'll end it, whether that means filing for divorce or separating. Older generations had a much higher threshold for suffering. And millennials don't see the point of staying in a painful relationship."
— Jennifer S. Hargrave, Divorce Attorney, Hargrave Family Law
7. Getting married by a certain age
"In a culture that puts a high price tag on youth, we've forgotten that the best time of our lives starts later. Just as a fine wine ages over time, we become more interesting, self-aware, and secure in who we are as we age. We also become better lovers. Finding love and marriage when we're older means we're more likely to find a partner who's truly the right fit for us. Gen-Z and Millennials have figured this out."
— Lauren Brim, Life Coach
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.
