15 Quick Ways To Reignite The Love In Your Marriage (No Therapy Required)
Lauren Radar | UnsplashWhen my wife Meygan and I got married, I honestly thought our love would never fade. There was so much passion in our relationship that we must have been on some kind of love high.
Remember how sweet and passionate things were when you were first dating? I'm sure those days included a lot of handholding, kissing, cuddling, date nights, surprises, gifts, and dreaming together. Those were the days when you couldn't get enough of each other and wanted to spend every waking moment in their arms.
Fast forward past our wedding day, the honeymoon, and years of marriage. There are kids, bills, piles of laundry, meetings at work, and a never-ending to-do list. We're exhausted. Maybe you can see yourself in our love story.
Has handholding been replaced with pointing fingers? Has conversation been replaced with silence? Has a connection been replaced with loneliness?
We like to geek out about marriage, so we put together some powerful yet simple marriage tips to renew that passion you had in the beginning, all of which will help you learn how to fall back in love ... again. But first, let me explain why this is important.
Dr. John Gottman, the nation's leading marriage researcher, suggests that couples hoping to spark romance need to turn toward each other even when they don't feel like it. Yes, even when you're exhausted or irritated.
Friendship is essential to thriving marriages. In relationships that thrive, partners consistently make and receive bids for positive connections. It does take work, but it is so worth it.
Here are 15 quick ways to reignite the love in your marriage, no therapy required:
1. Schedule a next date night and keep the plans a surprise
The anticipation will spark a renewed sense of fun. When your partner knows something special is coming but doesn't know what, it creates that giddy excitement you used to feel in the early days of dating. Plus, taking full responsibility for planning shows effort and thoughtfulness, which never goes unnoticed.
2. Practice a daily 60-second blessing
This is a daily habit of affirming the positive qualities you see in each other. Begin by speaking for 60 seconds of encouragement to your spouse. Once you’re finished, your spouse spends the next 60 seconds sharing what they love about you. It’s that simple!
A University of Georgia study discovered that couples who regularly express gratitude and appreciation report significantly higher levels of marital satisfaction and commitment. When you make it a daily habit to affirm what you love about each other, you actively build the foundation that keeps your relationship strong.
3. Send flirty texts to each other throughout the day
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Trust me, your partner will appreciate it. A random "thinking about you" or something a little spicier in the middle of a boring Tuesday reminds them they're desired, not just needed. It takes two seconds to send, but it can shift the entire energy of your day and make coming home to each other feel more exciting.
Make more room in your calendar to make out before jumping into the hot and heavy stuff. When you've been together for years, it's easy to skip straight to the main event and miss all the buildup that makes intimacy actually intimate. Slowing down and spending real time on foreplay brings back that tension and connection that might have gotten lost in the routine.
4. Be affectionate and playful with each other in front of others
It's not enough to just brag to each other in private; it's significant to compliment your spouse in public — and do the little things that remind one another of your bond. When you show affection in front of friends or family, you're telling your partner they're worth showing off and that you're proud to be with them.
5. Start a new hobby together
Brainstorm some ideas and create a list of shared interests. When you learn something new together, you're both beginners, which levels the playing field and gives you something to laugh about when you inevitably mess up. Plus, having a regular activity you do as a couple creates built-in quality time that doesn't feel forced or like just another obligation on your calendar.
6. Show appreciation for one another
This goes a long way in showing respect for each other. It's so easy to fall into the trap of only pointing out what your partner does wrong or forgets to do, but taking a moment to actually say "thank you" or "I appreciate you" can completely shift the energy in your relationship. Even small acknowledgments like noticing they unloaded the dishwasher or picked up your favorite snack at the store remind both of you that you're on the same team.
In Dr. Gottman's research, he found that couples who maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions are more likely to have lasting, satisfying relationships. That means for every criticism or complaint, you need five positive moments to balance things out.
7. Take a walk hand in hand
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Nothing gets the blood moving and the connection juices flowing like taking a walk around the block. Holding hands has been shown to reduce stress, so there's a bonus. There's something about moving your bodies together in the same rhythm that naturally opens up conversation without the pressure of sitting across from each other, making intense eye contact.
8. Focus on, and write down, your partner's positive qualities
Better yet, write it on Post-it notes and stick them up around the house where your spouse will find the spontaneous expressions of love and appreciation. When you've been together for years, it's easy to focus on the annoying habits and forget all the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Taking time to actually list out what you love about them shifts your perspective and reminds you why you chose this person, and when they stumble across your notes unexpectedly, it hits differently than a planned compliment.
9. Plan a vacation together without the kids
It doesn't even have to be extravagant, but time alone is so important. When you're always in parent mode, you forget how to just be a couple, and a trip forces you to focus on each other without the constant interruptions of daily life. Even planning the vacation together can be fun because you're daydreaming about possibilities and remembering that you're more than just co-parents managing a household.
In a 2024 study, researchers concluded that couples who engaged in self-expanding vacation experiences reported higher post-vacation romantic passion. Getting away together gives you the space to reconnect without the daily grind pulling your attention in a million different directions.
10. Dream together
This helps build security. Have you created a dream board where you jot down your goals or things you want to do together? Might be a good way to start. When you plan a future together, whether it's a trip you want to take or renovations you want to make to the house, you're reminding each other that you're a team. Plus, having something to look forward to together gives you both something exciting to talk about beyond the daily grind of work and bills.
11. Pay attention to your spouse more than you pay attention to your phone
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Less screen time, more face time. It's wild how easy it is to spend an entire evening sitting next to each other while you're both scrolling through completely different worlds on your phones. Try putting the devices away for at least an hour each night and actually talking to each other. You might be surprised how much more connected you feel when you're not competing with notifications for attention.
12. Reminisce about your favorite moments together by pulling out old photos
Nothing like honeymoon pictures to remind you of why you fell in love in the first place! Scroll through your camera roll together or dig out actual printed photos if you're old school like that. Laughing about that terrible haircut you had, or that disastrous camping trip where everything went wrong, can bring back the warmth you felt in those early days. Sometimes you just need to remember who you were before life got so busy and complicated.
13. Learn something new about your spouse
Play a game of 20 questions, or Never Have I Ever. Make it a fun journey into the past or delve into one another's deepest aspirations for the future. Create a lifetime "bucket list" together and surprise one another with your list of items.
Psychology professor Dr. Arthur Aron's research revealed that most relationships don't end because of conflict or money problems but because of boredom. Staying curious about each other through playful questions and new conversations reminds you there's always more to discover.
14. Have a game night together
Scrabble is fun. So is Trivial Pursuit. Want to change it up? Go for Cards Against Humanity or two-handed poker. The point is to spend time together, spread out on the floor or at the kitchen table, playing a 2-player game, just enjoying each other's company.
When the University of Oxford studied 2,500 couples, they found that those who actively participate in activities and games together are about 67 percent more likely to stay together. Something as simple as breaking out a deck of cards or a board game creates shared experiences that strengthen your bond.
15. Learn something new about your relationship
Ask one another to tell a secret that no one else would know. Then reverse it — what do you wish your partner knew about you? Even after years together, there's probably stuff you've never talked about because it never came up or you assumed they already knew.
Maybe it's something small, like how much it means to you when they text you during the day, or something deeper about a fear or dream you've been holding onto. The point is to keep discovering each other instead of assuming you already know everything.
Casey and Meygan Caston are the founders of Marriage365, a nonprofit dedicated to helping couples connect on a deeper level. They reach two million couples around the world each month with their resources.
