5 Reasons Later-In-Life Love Is Way More Fun Than It Has Any Right To Be
Curated Lifestyle | UnsplashSo often we fear growing old, or think of it as a time when life's possibilities will be closed to us. But an article in the New York Times reminds us that later life can be a time of discovery and joy. All too often, we imagine that life seems to end at the nursing home door, that it is loveless and lonely, with death hovering close by. We make this mistake when we refuse to see the need for love, even in the most debilitated elderly.
Research has explored how our youth-centered culture equates love with being young through body image. In contrast, later-in-life love can be an endlessly blossoming flower, felt and expressed in hundreds of ways: A friend's mother, who suffers from Alzheimer's disease, has fallen in love with another patient. They walk around holding hands and snuggling with a newfound innocence that perhaps only their memory loss restored. Here's why growing old together and later-in-life love is something to look forward to.
Here are five reasons later-in-life love is way more fun than it has any right to be:
1. Later-in-life love means retirement travel
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You finally get to spend all that money in your 401k, and you can do whatever you want, including traveling with your spouse to all those places you dreamed about when you were juggling two kids and two careers.
"Even when you've saved enough and have kids and grandkids you love, you still need a sense of purpose in life," advised therapist Dr. Gloria Brame, Ph.D. "A road trip? A new job? Volunteer work? Building that thing you always wanted to build? You don't have to leave home, either. You can join a walking or dining club in your local area. Start a book or movie club online, or invite family and friends to weekly gaming events. It's never too soon or too late to be happier."
2. Later-in-life love means meeting someone new
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We've heard tons of stories of elderly folks meeting new people. Love doesn't really doesn't have an age limit. You could even rekindle a romance from fifty years ago!
Psychologist Phyllis Koch-Sheras said, "The most important thing you can do in retirement is to sustain and create quality relationships. Loneliness is the strongest predictor of early death. Maintaining close relationships can prevent this. Research shows that married couples tend to live longer than unmarried ones. Even without marriage, connection with others in intimate ways can prolong life and happiness as well."
3. Later-in-life love means summer camp crushes
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There is nothing more fun than sleepaway camp romance, and a good retirement community is kind of like an extended summer camp stay. According to one woman, "Unlike the friendship you make as an adult, slowly nurtured over dinners and drinks, bonds in a nursing home, where there is nothing to do but talk, are forged quickly and deeply."
Dr. Michael Hunter, M.D., has observed, "Loneliness acts as a fertilizer for other diseases. I’ve learned that even a short, real conversation — a hallway hello, a check-in text, a shared laugh in clinic — buffers stress and strengthens mental resilience. Connection doesn’t have to be deep, but it has to be real."
4. Later-in-life love means knowing what you want
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By the time you hit 70, you probably know what you like. You have grown comfortable enough with yourself that you're not afraid to ask for it. "Our life is meant to feel happy and fulfilled now until our last dying breath," reminded wellness coach Carolyn Hidalgo. "Follow what brings you joy and fulfillment now, in the present. And let go of what does not serve you in your career, relationships, and health so that when your retirement arrives, you already know how to continue to be."
5. Later-in-life love means getting beyond the vanity of youth
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Health coach Kay Hutchinson suggested, "When you silence self-critical thoughts about your body, you will feel an immediate shift from a more anxious, dissatisfied state that comes when you expect perfection from yourself to one of calm acceptance. This wave of acceptance will flow over to other areas of your life to reduce stress and build confidence."
Speaking of being comfortable with yourself, as women, we tend to worry so much about aging and losing our looks. But hopefully, by the time you reach old age, you've reached some kind of peace with your imperfect body. It's not a given, but we'd like to think that the wisdom of age includes self-acceptance.
Sarah Harrison is an editor and content strategist whose work has appeared in The Guardian, Vice, The New York Times, The Independent, and Psychology Today.
