Smart Women Who Rarely Get Their Hearts Broken Notice 10 Subtle Red Flags Early On
Dodokat / ShutterstockThis spring, I had a friend go on a date that she claimed was the best date she'd ever been on. She couldn't wait for him to take her out again.
When she discussed the date with me, she said he'd researched the best lookout spot near them and took her there. Luckily, she told me, his apartment was right next to the place. They went there afterward and were able to get some personal time alone.
As she told me this, alarm bells went off in my head. It felt way too coincidental that his apartment happened to be right next to the place he supposedly researched. She didn't notice the red flags from the date. Some women struggle to find a good relationshipbecause they do the same thing. However, women who notice particular red flagstend to have a better chance at avoiding heartbreak.
Smart women who rarely get their hearts broken notice 10 subtle red flags early on
1. Poor communication
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Smart women know that if someone can't commit to frequent communication, they might not be able to commit to a full relationship.
Building a relationship usually requires strong communication so you can get to know a person better. This helps someone decide whether to continue the relationship. Communication issues can create serious problems, so If a man doesn't make an effort to reach out to you or see you, it could mean he's not interested in a relationship.
Communication also helps people learn what their partner needs. Having a partner satisfy your needs can take some of the stress off you to fulfill them yourself. If a partner can't communicate their needs, it might prevent you from creating a mutually satisfying relationship.
2. Avoiding conversations about past partners
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Many types of serious conversations can come up in a relationship. If your significant other tries to avoid theseconversations, there is a possibility that he may be a bad partner.
One example of a serious conversation in relationships is discussing past partners. You might ask them how many serious relationships they have been in. Maybe you are curious about why the relationship ended with a particular partner. If your significant other avoids discussing this, it could mean they are trying to cover up past mistakes. Maybe they even have a pattern with these mistakes in relationships.
They might be worried that these mistakes will drive you away, but it's important to hear about someone's past to know what kind of relationship you are getting into.
3. Excessive flattery
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Smart women know excessive flattery isn't always sincere. On the date that my friend went on, the man told her she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. Later, she found out he said this to every girl he went on a date with. When a man says this, it can sometimes mean that he's trying to seduce you with compliments.
Smart women look out for the excessive flattery a man displays in the early stages of their relationship. They know if a man shows genuine appreciation, it means he's noticed qualities within you that he connects with. Taking note of your actions could mean he really wants to get to know you and create a deeper connection.
4. Not taking accountability
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No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. However, when someone can't acknowledge their own flaws, it can be a red flag. This might signal narcissistic tendencies. It could show they don't see themselves as wrong.
This could harm a relationship because if they don't think they are wrong, they might not feel a need to change. Sometimes, this can cause the same issue to pop up again. However, this can make you feel like your partner doesn't hear you or care about what you are saying.
Smart women know that acknowledging mistakes can help people grow. Accountability can help you become a better partner in the future.
5. Being disrespectful to others
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My mom's biggest rule of thumb in dating is to look at how someone treats a waiter. It's great for a partner to treat you with respect in the beginning stages of a relationship. However, this doesn't mean they will always treat you with respect. Smart women learn to examine how the person treats others to know their true behavior.
With a waiter, a customer doesn't necessarily need to be respectful. However, it's common courtesy to treat people with respect. If your partner treats people with respect even when they don't have to, it shows they are probably a respectful person. This could show that they will continue to act respectfully towards you in the later stages of the relationship.
6. Emphasizing physical attraction
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It feels nice to be told you are pretty, but if this is all your partner compliments you on, it can be harmful for the relationship.
People who place too much emphasis on attraction can begin to prescribe other qualities to their partner. It can mean they make assumptions about your personality that aren't true. Sometimes this can lead to dissatisfaction if the person finds out their partner isn't who they assumed them to be. This can be hurtful to someone who feels like their partner doesn't see them for who they truly are.
This is a red flag because it could mean they might not be looking for a serious relationship with you. It could also mean they aren't interested in getting to know you, but are more concerned with having an attractive partner.
7. Inability to handle conflict
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No one can read minds. Sometimes, in the early stages of a relationship, people haven't discussed boundaries. When a partner crosses one of these boundaries, it can lead to conflict. This could result in a productive conversation that provides each person with guidelines for what their partner needs.
Conflict is inevitable in relationships. However, when someone handles their partner's discussion of a boundary poorly, it can lead to a large fight rather than a constructive discussion. You should be able to communicate what is hurting you in a relationship. Having a partner blow up when you try to have these hard conversations can lead you to avoid discussing those issues altogether.
Smart women know their partner should be able to calmly handle the conversation and make changes to make her comfortable.
8. Constantly needing validation
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Maybe a partner feels insecure about your affection for them. Maybe they are insecure in other areas of their life. Whatever the case, this can lead to their significant other constantly having to tell them they are enough. It can sometimes feel like your partner needs you to provide them with self-confidence. Giving your partner validation can help them feel more secure in the relationship and in themselves.
However, if a partner needs this in excess, it can strain the relationship. You might even feel stressed about having to give your partner compliments and reassurance, rather than just saying those things when they come up naturally.
It isn't a partner's responsibility to instill internal confidence in their significant other. In fact, a partner can't do this all on their own. Validation comes from within, not from a relationship.
9. Secretive behavior
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Partners should be able to have their own lives. It can help them retain their individuality within a partnership. But if your partner isn't willing to discuss what they do without you, it could be a bad sign.
Someone who doesn't like to show you their phone or doesn't want you to meet their friends could be hiding something. Smart women know that secretive behavior prevents them from trusting their relationships. They cut off these relationships to avoid being lied to or hurt by their partners' secrets.
10. Unbalanced effort
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Most relationships take effort. Forming a new romantic relationship can require a lot of effort to strengthen the tie you have to your partner.
If someone is putting limited effort into a relationship, it can be hard to make it work. Relationships that require one person to do all the work can feel draining. It can make someone feel like they are going the extra mile to sustain a relationship that their partner isn't working for.
Smart women know that effort shows that their partner is trying. Smart women know that partners who put in effort are committed to making a relationship work. It also tells them they won't have to do all the work to make the relationship last.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
