If Someone Constantly Tells You These 11 Things, They Probably Really Want You To Like Them
Halay Alex | ShutterstockAlmost everyone craves human connection. Some researchers even believe we're hard-wired for it. But it's not always easy to tell who is interested in connecting with us, and who wants us to like them back.
There are certain words and phrases that can help you determine whether someone wants you to like them, and while they can feel cloying or disingenuous when someone is being insincere or has bad intentions, it's pretty easy to tell the difference. So pay attention for phrases like these, because when someone says them genuinely, they probably would love for you to like them.
If someone constantly tells you these 11 things, they probably really want you to like them
1. 'I appreciate you'
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Someone might say they appreciate you in response to you helping them out with a task, and that's always nice to hear. But they might also say it just because they're happy to know you.
When used consistently, this phrase also shows that someone recognizes you for you, along with whatever contributions you offer to the relationship. It means they like you, and they probably really want you to like them, too.
If this seems like a little too much effort, or like something people shouldn't have to say, you should know that there are direct connections between feeling appreciated and a person's level of self-esteem.
A research study published by the American Psychological Association in 2020 looked at the effects of social relationships and self-esteem. It posited that relationships are an essential part of how someone's self-esteem is shaped, and how they evaluate their worthiness as a person. Ultimately, the study found evidence that high self-esteem leads to improvements in people's social relationships, and quality relationships lead to higher self-esteem.
People who make us feel good quickly become the ones we like the most, as long as it's genuine.
2. 'I like you as you are'
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It's part of human nature to want to fit in, whether it's being accepted in a social situation or a professional environment. If a person tells you that they like you as you are, it means exactly that: They don't expect you to change any aspect of your personality for them or anyone else.
When someone radically accepts you, they care about you for who you are, including your flaws and incongruities. The beautiful thing about radical acceptance is that it benefits both parties in that nobody is trying to change anyone, and nobody is feeling a pressure to change.
Of course, that doesn't mean tolerating bad behavior or unhealthy choices. It means choosing friends and trusted others based on who you like now, with no contingencies. Then, you can grow and change and challenge each other in healthy ways. That's why someone telling you, "I like you as you are" is a sign they also want you to like them back.
3. 'How can I support you?'
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The phrase "How can I support you?" showcases a person's willingness to be a supportive presence in your life. It's hard to ask for help, but once we do, we often find that people really want to offer their care and assistance when they can.
If someone asks how they can support you, it means they want to show up for you and will go out of their way to be of service. People may use this phrase when they're emotionally available and can hold space for whatever conflict you're going through, which is a wonderful way for someone to show that they really want you to like them, in the purest way possible.
4. 'I believe in you'
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When someone tells you they believe in you, it means they have faith in you as a person. It's a simple and direct compliment, but it's also very powerful. They probably really want you to like them.
Having someone on our side boosts our confidence and makes us feel seen, held, and appreciated. Believing in someone may also increase their sense of self-efficacy, which can be defined as a person's belief in their own ability to accomplish a task.
Psychologist Albert Bandura explained that that people who have little belief in their ability to do a particular task will likely avoid it, whereas people who have high self-efficacy are more able to tackle the challenges that come their way. Someone who boosts your self-efficacy wants you to be brave, and believes you can be.
5. 'I love your energy'
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It's hard not to like someone who appreciates the vibes that you give off. A person who says they like your energy witnesses how you interact with the world around you and sees the positive effect you have on others.
Vibes are more than just a cute way to say someone has good energy. People really do give off "vibrations", pheromones or other chemical signals, or some combination of factors that others can sense. These "vibes" transmit so much more infor than we realize right now.
We can't control what other people think of us, and trying to do so can bring a fair amount of personal conflict and suffering. But when we're told that we have good energy, it often means that someone senses the truest parts of who we are.
6. 'I'm inspired by you'
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Telling a person they inspire you is another simple and direct way to give them a compliment and a boost of confidence. When said earnestly, this is one of the most beautiful things someone can tell you. They clearly want you to like them because they admire you so much.
Maybe they're inspired by your commitment to your work or the care you put into your friendships. When someone tells you that you inspire them, they see you for who you really are and they like what they see.
It could also mean that they want to emulate the aspects of your personality they're inspired by. We often mirror the behavior of people who we admire. As they say, mimicry is the highest form of flattery.
7. 'Please' and 'thank you'
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Whether it's saying "please" and "thank you" as two separate phrases, or just "please and thank you" as one, when someone says this to you, it's more than just indicators of politeness and good manners. When someone consistently uses polite phrases like this, they probably want you to like them.
They respect you and your time, whether they're asking you for a big favor or something less significant. They recognize that you're going out of your way for them, and they appreciate you for doing so.
Researchers at UCLA found that people often don't say "please" enough, and they often do it when they fear they'll be hearing a "no" as a strategy. But consistent polite words backed up by kind behavior can be a magic combination for friendship and connection.
8. 'You're such a good listener'
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When someone says you're a great listener, it's one of the kindest compliments they can offer. After all, being a fantastic listener makes you a great friend. This person not only really wants you to like them, they see one of your greatest traits and appreciate you for that skill.
According to psychologists Carl R. Rogers and Richard E. Farson, active listening has three main components: Listening for the full meaning of what someone is saying, responding to their feelings, and noticing their nonverbal cues.
Active listening employs the need for high emotional intelligence and a strong sense of empathy. When someone tells you that you're a good listener, it signifies that they feel truly heard by you. It also means they trust you, in that they're willing to tell you things they might not tell others.
9. 'I can imagine that would be hard on you'
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This phrase highlights the importance of validation in relationships. When someone says they understand how you feel or tries to imagine how you might be feeling, it shows that they're truly listening. They want to be able to imagine your lived experience and they find value in it, even if that experience is different from their own.
Validating someone, even when you don't necessarily agree with them, can strengthen the bond that you have with them. It increases our sense of connection, which is the essence of the human experience. Being validated makes us feel like we're valued and important, and it signifies that we're worthy.
In addition, validation can help a person who is struggling to feel more positive, according to research conducted out of Ohio State University. Just another reason someone's emotional validation and empathy is proof they really want you to like them. This is probably because they like you so much.
10. I'm so happy to see you
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When said genuinely, the phrase "I'm so happy to see you" after a long day or when meeting up for the first time in a while is a big sign someone likes spending time with you and wants you to like them, too. It also means they appreciate your presence and that they don't need more from you than your company.
Sometimes this is said when you can help them. If you're the one who is always getting them out of a funk or helping them carry heavy things, it's probably less meaningful (unless, of course, they say it at other times, too!). Relationships and friendships should be mutual and reciprocal, where you each help one another from time to time.
Someone who is happy to see you, just to spend time with you, wants you to like them. And you probably do, as this is a very kind thing to say to a loved one.
11. 'I love you!'
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Everyone knows that the first time you say, "I love you" in a romantic relationship, it's a big deal. But what about in other relationships, and not just with your mom? If someone casually says, "I love you" when laughing at your joke or saying goodbye, they probably like you a whole lot, and want you to like them, too.
For some people, saying, "love you!" rolls off the tongue and they'll even say it to the neighborhood barista. But if someone casually tells you this who doesn't constantly drop it on everyone, this is probably a special person. They're showing their adoration, making themselves vulnerable, and would probably like you to reciprocate if you feel the same.
Expressions of affection aren't easy for everyone, but researchers have determined that people who express love more tend to feel more loved, too. So, if you feel it, saying it will also benefit you.
Yes, guys, experts say growing your connections and showing love for your loved ones is good for men, too!
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
