Women Raised By Hyper-Controlling Fathers Often Treat Their Husbands In These 11 Specifically Painful Ways
Ekateryna Zubal / ShutterstockThe environment we were raised in shapes who we become as adults. Our family dynamics are our introduction to healthy or unhealthy relationships. If a woman is raised in a home with a hyper-controlling father, the effects of this relationship may seep into her romantic relationships.
If a woman’s father was hyper-controlling, she may treat her husband in specific ways. Some of these may be harmful, but other times, the behavior is more painful for her. She may try too hard to win people over. A woman like this may be afraid of how her husband will react to certain things. Whether she’s treating him poorly or struggling to find her confidence in the relationship, women who grew up under these conditions will do specific, painful things.
Women raised by hyper-controlling fathers often treat their husbands in these 11 specifically painful ways
1. They lash out
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Growing up in a home with a hyper-controlling father may have been volatile. There may have been constant arguments or raised voices. She may have a short fuse. When her emotions feel big, she may lash out at her husband. She may have been used to communicating this way since her childhood.
Lashing out at her partner may look like constant irritability. She may not have the patience to deal with the little things. While this isn’t her fault, it is painful for her husband. Anger and frustration can feel overwhelming, and she may have learned her coping skills (or lack thereof) from her hyper-controlling father.
2. They struggle with trust issues
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Sadly, trust issues can occur when we are young. If a woman grew up with a hyper-controlling dad, she may not have felt comfortable around him. It may have been like walking on eggshells. She may have never known what to expect from him. Now, although she’s married and living her own life, she may still carry that fear with her.
In her marriage, she may struggle to trust. If she didn’t have a great role model growing up, she may become weary of men in general. Although her partner likely does everything he can to make her trust him, it’s a deeper issue.
3. They are hyper-sensitive to criticism
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Even if we’re not being directly criticized, it can still feel like we are being attacked. If someone grew up in a hostile household, this can be especially true. A woman who had a hyper-controlling father likely felt like she was under a microscope. It was like everything she did was wrong. Now, she carries that fear of being criticized into her marriage.
A woman like this may be constantly on edge. She may feel like she can’t let her guard down around him. As a result, she may be snappy or always ready for a fight because of this fear from her childhood.
4. They are controlling
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It’s not surprising that someone who grew up with a hyper-controlling parent may model that behavior in her marriage. It’s difficult for her husband to be on the receiving end. Even if he understands this behavior stems from her past, it’s still painful. She may take control of everything from what they eat for dinner each night to which friends they’re allowed to keep. Control is not healthy in a relationship.
She may become controlling to feel like she finally has some say in her life. If her father was controlling her at all times, she may need to take back that power. Now, her husband may be on the receiving end of this behavior.
5. They try too hard to please
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People-pleasing sounds like a positive trait. However, it can be painful for both people involved. For women who grew up with hyper-controlling fathers, she may be used to doing whatever she can to make the man in her life happy. Sometimes, she may be overextending herself until she is completely drained. If she maintains this behavior in her marriage, it can cause issues.
We’ve all heard the saying that you can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s true. If a woman is doing too much for everyone else, she may be neglecting herself. As a result, her relationship may suffer. She may grow resentful. Resentment is painful for her husband to face.
6. They have a hard time being vulnerable and open
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Being vulnerable is scary, no matter how comfortable we are with someone. It’s not easy to let our emotions be heard. Growing up in an unhealthy home environment may leave women unable to open up to the people in their lives, even their husbands. She may never have felt comfortable sharing her feelings with her father, and she doesn’t know if sharing them with her husband is safe, either.
Even if her husband does everything he can to provide her with a safe space to open up and she doesn’t, it’s painful. He likely wants to be a safe space for her, but she doesn’t let him be. It’s important to be vulnerable with your partner, even when it’s difficult.
7. They escalate arguments
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If you grew up in a controlling home environment, you probably know that things get heated quickly. When a parent wants to be both judge and jury over everything their child does, it can be frustrating. Tensions may be high, and each person may fight back. If that were the case, a woman may struggle to keep her cool when arguments arise. Her husband may be on the receiving end of her frustrations.
Even if the argument is over something silly like who forgot to take the trash out, a woman who has trauma from her childhood may escalate things, whether she realizes it or not. She might snap back and turn a small argument into something major. It can be painful for her husband to deal with this.
8. Or they avoid conflict entirely
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We may think that avoiding arguments is better than escalating them, but that’s far from true. If arguments arise, it’s important to address them. We can’t solve problems if we don’t acknowledge them. Growing up in a complicated home may have made it difficult for a woman to address her feelings. Likely, she was told to keep her feelings to herself rather than starting problems. If this is the case, she may shut down entirely when tensions get high.
Arguments are natural. No matter how great our relationships are, we still face situations that lead to arguments. Talking through them is important. If a husband can’t work through problems with his wife due to her past, it can be painful.
9. They ask for validation almost daily
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It’s not uncommon to seek validation. Let’s face it, it feels good when someone is treating us with kindness. If our partners reassure us that they’re happy with and admire us, it can boost our self-esteem. However, it can become an issue when someone relies on validation to feel good about themselves.
If a woman grew up in an unstable home, she may have never known where she stood with her father. She may have sought out his validation to make herself feel better. He may not have given her what she needed naturally. This can cause her to look for the same from her husband, which can be frustrating for him.
10. They let their fear of abandonment torment them both
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Sadly, a fear of abandonment is common when someone has gone through childhood trauma. If a woman grew up with a hyper-controlling father, she may have had a complicated relationship. Maybe he would leave her for long periods of time, or come in and out of her life. This may cause her to treat her romantic relationships differently. The fear that her husband will abandon her may live in the back of her head.
“Abandonment trauma can make it incredibly challenging for individuals to form close, intimate relationships. The fear of being hurt or left again can cause them to avoid deep emotional connections altogether,” says Kaytee Gillis, LCSW.
11. They assume he is trying to control her
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If a woman grew up with a controlling parent, she may fear that every man will treat her that way. Even if her husband has never done anything controlling, she may have a hard time trusting his treatment of her. All she knew growing up was control, so it might be difficult for her to see the good in men. Even the one she loves most. This can be painful for her husband.
This may cause her to fear intimacy. She might not be comfortable being open and vulnerable with her partner. She may always be looking over her shoulder, fearful that he will control her as her father did.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
