You Probably Shouldn't Marry A Woman If She Has These 12 Troubling Traits
GalacticDreamer | ShutterstockWhen trying to find someone you can spend your life with, it's important to know which women you probably shouldn't marry. There are women who are exciting and compelling, but that charm fades and you're left with the woman she is at her core.
You may think you've found a woman who has it all: she's intelligent, well-rounded, beautiful, and complements your personality. But her true personality is not what it seems. There are also certain types of women make very bad wives and there are specific ways to weed them out.
You probably shouldn't marry a woman if she has these 12 troubling traits
1. She sees herself as the victim of every situation
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When looking for a woman to marry, the ability to be realistic, honest and emotionally expressive are fantastic traits. Some people, however, take this too far and cannot help but see themselves as victims in every situation. This is a very troubling trait, as it often goes along with a level of manipulation and lack of accountability.
As described by WebMD, "Someone who acts from a place of victimhood claims things that happen to them are the fault of someone or something other than themselves." Manipulative people do this through attention-seeking and inflicting guilt, which is wrong for a plethora of reasons and creates a very unhealthy relationship.
2. She refuses to compromise
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According to Dr. John Gottman, most couples argue. But how they argue makes a world of difference. That's why you probably shouldn't marry a woman if she cannot seem to compromise.
The Gottman Institute explains that things like compromise are crucial to managing conflict in a relationship, making this an essential part of a healthy relationship. Even if their partner doesn't agree with their solution, at the very least, men can get some of their emotional needs met.
One important note: some people misunderstand what it means to compromise. A woman who can compromise doesn't always agree with you. She will have her own opinions, and she won't always change her mind when you want her to. Instead, she will be willing to discuss issues, meet in the middle, or go along with what you want sometimes (but not always).
So make sure you're not condemning her for not compromising when what you mean is, "She doesn't always go along with what I want." Because that is actually a normal, healthy part of adult relationships!
3. She struggles to communicate
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Communication is key to any successful relationship, and research agrees. As one study found, things like communication are the backbone of any romantic partnership. Relationship experts like the Gottmans, Dr. Stan Tatkin and Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly-Hunt agree. Each of these experts have developed tools to help couples improve communication so they can stay married.
But tools only work if people want to use them. While not everyone is born a good communicator, you probably shouldn't marry a woman who won't do the work and try the tools to communicate better. Nobody needs to be perfect to be loved, but marriage requires equal effort by both partners in order to succeed.
4. She is emotionally manipulative
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Gaslighting and emotional manipulation are things everyone should avoid in a relationship. While we traditionally may think of men manipulating women, anyone can become a victim, regardless of gender. That's why you probably shouldn't marry a woman if she is emotionally manipulative.
Gaslighting in relationships has been shown to negatively impact a person's mental health, leading to a diminished sense of self, defensiveness, and a general mistrust of others. This type of cruelty can change people, making it harder to grow in relationships, both as individuals or as a couple.
5. She is obsessed with being the center of attention
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There's nothing wrong with wanting to be in the spotlight from time to time, in fact, it can be a very healthy and fun trait in a partner. However, constantly feeling the need to be the center of attention can be a warning sign of insecurity and you should probably not marry her.
While most people who crave attention are not narcissists, demanding attention is a component of narcissism. Narcissists will generally do anything in their power to draw attention back to themselves, even if it means making unhealthy choices or hurting those around them.
6. She's jealous and possessive
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It's human nature to be jealous at times, and experts say this trait likely played an evolutionary role throughout human history. But women who are consistently jealous are probably not ones you should marry, at least not until she's recognized the problem and done some work on it.
Research has found that people are jealous for a couple of different reasons, some of which include neuroticism, anger or impulsivity issues, low agreeableness, and low openness to experiences. None of these traits are bad in small doses, but obsessive jealousy can be a major warning sign of problematic and even dangerous relationships in the future.
7. She chronically bad-mouths others
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There's nothing wrong with a little gossip, but just like anything in life, too much can be a bad thing. If she seems to only see the bad in others, you probably shouldn't marry that woman.
Research has shown that most people gossip as a way to gather information, not necessarily to harm others. Yet, the same research also determined that people with dark personalities were more likely to use gossip to their advantage, adjusting their image and the images of those they're spreading lies about for their own benefit.
You should need to think twice before beginning a relationship with a woman who loves to gossip, even when it clearly is harmful to others (or herself). While it may be harmless fun to her, it can also be a sign that she has a twisted personality.
8. She's hung up on her ex
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If a woman can't stop talking about her ex, you probably shouldn't marry her. This either indicates that she's still not over her ex and/or that she will spend the whole relationship unconsciously comparing her new partner to her old partner.
Breakups are hard, but moving on before entering a new relationship is essential. Otherwise, she will spend her time with her new partner chasing after something that doesn't exist, possibly destroying an otherwise healthy relationship in the process.
As a final note on this topic, research has shown that people less accepting of separation have worse psychological adjustment. And even if it doesn't both you when it comes to her ex, it might become a problem when applied to other problems down the line.
9. She's financially irresponsible
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Nobody is born with perfect financial habits. However, if a woman is chronically financially irresponsible and not working on improving her money skills, you probably shouldn't marry her.
Why? Because money issues come up in almost every marriage, and financial strain is one of the main causes of fighting and divorce. After all, studies have shown that money issues tend to be ranked as more stressful and intense by couples than many other issues.
You need to be able to discuss money and compromise in order to meet shared goals, and if she cannot do that, you're likely to end up in trouble down the line, either with money or in your relationship (or both).
10. She won't work on emotional issues
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People with unresolved trauma can heal. Some people heal with therapy or counseling while others do work on their own or via spiritual practices. There are many options for people to find their own path to healing.
Sometimes, however, they don't seek out the help they need. Sometimes they reject the idea that they have emotional issues to work on in the first place. If you feel she does, and it's getting in the way of your relationships, then you probably shouldn't marry that woman.
While people with mental illnesses can certainly lead normal lives with good relationships, a woman who won't seek help for her trauma will not be a good partner. Over time, she'll be expending so much energy in trying to control her mental health issues in ineffective ways.
11. She lacks empathy
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If a woman seems to lack empathy, she probably is not the woman to marry. After all, empathy is key in so many essential areas of relationships.
According to a report published in the Journal of Patient Experience, empathy plays a huge role in human connections, expression of needs and feelings, and the sharing of experiences. Empathy, which is the ability to imagine other people's experiences, even when they're different, is key to humans treating each other well.
While some of the troubling traits on this list are things that make it harder to have a relationship, a lack of empathy is one that will make it nearly impossible.
12. She is overly controlling
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While we often hear about avoiding men who are overly controlling, you probably shouldn't marry a woman if she's controlling, either. Often, it's a sign of a very unhealthy or even dangerous relationship ahead.
Professor of sociology Deborah J. Cohan Ph.D. adds that constant criticism, silent treatments, threatening to end the relationship, emotional stinginess, and withholding care are all signs of manipulation and controlling behavior. While some of these behaviors can be corrected with therapy and a commitment to change, oftentimes it's better to just end the relationship and move on.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
