Bride Asks If Fiancés Reaction To Her Unconventional Wedding Requests Is A ‘Red Flag’ Or If She's In The Wrong
Bjorn Pierre | UnsplashWeddings are meant to be a joyous and raucous occasion, surrounded by your close family and friends as you begin a new chapter of your life. However, one woman wanted the complete opposite for her big day, and her fiancé isn't exactly on board.
According to The Washington Post's "Ask Amy" advice column, the bride-to-be shared that she wants to implement a rather strange rule for her wedding day. She wants a "silent wedding," and much like a library, will ask all guests not to speak above a whisper during the reception. When she got pushback from her husband-to-be, she turned to "Ask Amy," worried that his reaction might be a red flag.
The bride wants a 'silent wedding' where the guests must 'whisper' during the reception, and her fiancé has refused.
"My fiancé and I are planning our wedding. As the bride, I’m planning on making certain requests of my guests, to make sure that my special day is as perfect as possible," she began.
One of the "requests" the bride-to-be wants her guests to follow is to "wear exclusively yellow" at her ceremony. Okay, that's not so bad. Lots of weddings have themed attire.
However, she also wants to jump on the "silent wedding" trend, but her interpretation of it is a little extreme. The silent wedding trend is all about a pared-down experience. No phones, cameras, or social media posts from guests. Additionally, many couples are choosing to exchange vows privately while their guests sit in silence during the ceremony as a way to make the moment more intimate.
shulers | Shutterstock
This bride, however, wants all guests attending her wedding to remain silent during the entire event. The reception is no exception. Guests will be required to keep their talking to a minimum and only whisper if they need to speak.
While the woman's fiancé has been supportive of all her other requests, he put his foot down on having a silent wedding.
La Famiglia | Shutterstock
"He angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain silent throughout both the ceremony and reception (to ensure that the focus remains on us)," she explained. "My fiancé said that this is irrational. He does not want to have a silent wedding."
While the bride-to-be acknowledged that such a thing is pretty "uncommon," she pointed out that silent weddings have happened in her family before. She described what goes into planning and executing a silent wedding, with guests not permitted to speak and toasts given only by the mothers of the bride and groom.
"Instrumental music will be playing silently," she said. "During the reception, the guests may whisper among one another, but may not speak aloud." The bride-to-be pointed out that, as "the newly married couple," all the attention should be on them and them only. "I know it’s a lot to ask, but I feel I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together will be perfect. I want him to support me, even if we disagree on something."
Perhaps instead of hosting a wedding celebration, this couple should simply elope.
In response to the future bride's advice question on whether her fiancé's "lack of understanding and support is a red flag," the "Ask Amy" columnist, Amy Robinson, condemned the idea of a silent wedding. "I hope your fiancé is paying attention, because if you are this self-centered now, I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later, for instance, if you choose to have children," Robinson harshly pointed out.
She explained that weddings aren't just for the bride, but are public events meant to bring family and friends together. Robinson added that the bride's fiancé doesn't have to support her, regardless of how good or bad her ideas are.
"If you don’t want rowdy guests, then limit (or don’t serve) alcohol," she concluded. "If you want the focus solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing before a mirror."
And while Robinson's advice was a bit harsh, truth can be gleaned from the dose of reality she imparted. If the purpose of the silent wedding is to keep the attention solely on the bride and groom, perhaps elopement, where there is only the bride and groom or a very small select group of guests, is the better solution.
Elopement planner Janessa White explained, "Choosing elopement can often take some of the pressure off of your big day. It typically means a smaller budget, a more intimate crowd, and the ability to customize your ceremony and reception to your heart’s content. Without the need to check traditional boxes, you can center your love and your closest loved ones."
However, you can't have your cake and eat it too in this instance. If you want a big wedding, you have to be thoughtful of your guests. The same, and more importantly, must be said of your husband-to-be. It's his wedding too, and that means he should have a say in what the celebration looks like. A healthy relationship requires compromise, and if this couple can't pass this test during the planning stage, it might be a good idea to delay the wedding and work on their communication.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
