‘Am I Allowed To Be Mad At My Mom Friends?’ Asks Childfree Woman Worried That Her Feelings Are ‘Ignorant’
Inside Creative House | ShutterstockA childfree woman posed a question many women in her shoes have wondered about. She's wondering if it's OK to get mad at her mom friends who aren't always as present in their friendship because of all they have going on at home.
Society has always placed a high premium on parenthood. It makes sense, because we need more people to keep functioning as, well, society. Some people really don’t feel like being a parent is the right path for them, though. This leaves people like Moret wondering if they can maintain friendships with those who are on a different journey when their lives look so different.
Moret has complicated feelings for the mom friends she loves but doesn’t really know how to be close to anymore.
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In a TikTok post, writer and content creator Breanna Moret got real about how it feels to be childfree when so many of her friends are moms. She said she was fully aware some might think she sounded “selfish,” but “sometimes your friends having babies really sucks.”
“It starts in your twenties, a friend here and there announces they’re having a baby. It’s so exciting!” she said. “Your thirties bring an earthquake … Now it’s not the occasional pregnancy, now it feels like your friends are crossing the divide, one by one. An inescapable march towards motherhood.”
Moret went on to say that her experience with her friends has been “bittersweet” because they are living such different lives now that it feels like “they’re speaking a language you’re not fluent in.” She’s not spending as much time with them because they simply don’t have the time to spare, and they’re also forming new friendships with other moms who better understand what they’re going through. ”You empathize, but it always stings,” she added.
It’s hard to maintain any friendships when your life is turned upside down by parenthood.
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So many people truly love being a parent, and they can’t imagine their life any other way. Even they would admit that it’s a huge transition, though. The charity Action for Children surveyed 2,000 parents and found that 52% suffered from loneliness.
It’s very easy to feel like you can’t focus on anything other than your children, who are your biggest responsibility. It’s also easy to feel disconnected from people you can’t automatically relate to. Culture writer Anne Helen Petersen explained that you have to try, though.
“We are not meant to only be friends with people exactly like us,” she told NPR. “It doesn’t make us more interesting or curious. We need people who are living life differently.”
Friendship seems to be a bigger burden for moms, and it shouldn’t be.
Mom and content creator Paige Turner shared her own thoughts on this topic, and she pointed out that it’s typically moms who have to give up friendships, but not dads. “I think the underlying message to this is that women should be spending their precious time on their family, the most important thing in their life, and yet we don’t give this same advice or pressure to men,” she said.
She argued that even after men become fathers, they still often have time for everything from hanging out with friends to furthering their careers to going to the gym, and it’s because the responsibilities of taking care of children and domestic duties usually fall on the shoulders of women.
According to data from the Gender Equity Policy Institute, women spend twice as much time caring for their kids and their home as men do. Women feel the responsibility of parenthood in a very heavy way, so they naturally lose friends. They just can’t keep up with them on top of everything else.
Friendship is incredibly important, and it doesn’t just give you a way to have fun. It’s actually really good for your health, too. We all need solid relationships in our lives, no matter what stage we’re in. It’s understandable that someone childfree like Moret would have a hard time connecting with her mom friends when their priorities are elsewhere, though, and she’s not a bad person for admitting she feels that way.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
