3 Friendship Truths Most Of Us Learn The Hard Way After High School
Beatriz Braga | PexelsWatching someone you love go through friendship drama in high school is tough, especially when you know how those patterns can follow you into adulthood.
Most of us don't actually understand friendship until after high school, when relationships start shifting in ways we didn't expect. That's when the real lessons hit. These friendship truths are the ones people usually learn the hard way, after years of wondering why friendships fade, change, or don't turn out the way we thought they would.
Here are the three friendship truths most of us learn the hard way after high school:
1. Your closest friendships won't follow a straight path
I met my oldest bestie when I was a pre-teen. To be my friend, she needed to perform the perfect cartwheel. Happily, she passed, but we didn't become best friends until years later as adult women.
The Lifetime movie idea that you meet your best friend at age two and remain that way for the rest of your life seems to be unlikely at best, and a bit nerve-wracking for the average three-year-old who still hasn't found her soul-sister.
Research shows that friendships shift in priority and intensity across every major life transition, which means the person who becomes your closest friend at 30 or 40 may be someone you haven't even met yet.
2. You're not meant to have just one best friend
Getty Images / Unsplash+
We seek out and enjoy the company of friends at different stages of the life cycle. Had I assumed that I would have only one main female friend, I would have shut the door on some serious soul sisters who have come my way at different times in my life.
Motherhood brought different friends; my work puts me in contact with a whole different group; and, as my girlfriends know, I like to save room for the stranger I might meet who could be a new soul sister.
Oxford psychologist Robin Dunbar found that humans are actually wired for up to five truly intimate friendships at once. No matter your age, having friends of different types was consistently linked to higher life satisfaction.
3. You don't have to like everyone, but holding grudges will cost you
Teenaged girls can be brutal gossipers, self-centered, and unreliable friends. Yet they are just children trying to learn their way in the world, sometimes learning it through mistakes.
Adult women can be the same way. No need to spend a lot of time with people like this, but maybe it's okay to know that they, like you, are flawed and trying to find the best way to live their lives.
Forgiveness and friendship quality are directly connected, research on teen friendships has found. When young people work through conflict instead of holding onto it, the friendship actually comes out stronger on the other side.
At one time or another, I've been all of these things, and I'm blessed beyond belief that most of my friends held on for the ride and forgave me for my mistakes. Your bestie might just be the girl who seems the most unlikely right now.
So my beautiful girl, be patient, be kind, stay strong, and know that girlfriends are simply girls like you learning how to be friends. If I had known at 15 years old that I would have these spectacular women in my life, I wouldn't have believed it. So for now, try to enjoy the ride and keep the faith; the wonder of female friendship awaits you in all its twisted, blissful glory.
Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist, certified professional life and executive coach, and a highly experienced corporate speaker. She helps people overcome stress and overwhelm to find joy in their personal lives and success and meaning in their professional lives.
