Gen Z, Millennial, Gen X & Boomer Men Have Completely Different Ideas Of What It Means To Be A Provider
GaudiLab | ShutterstockSocietal expectations about what it means for a man to be a provider have changed drastically over the years. This has created differences in how each generation of men views their role in a family and partnership.
Most people focus heavily on the constraints of traditional gender roles on women (since, let's face it, there are many); they are absolutely limiting towards men as well. Having said that, there is still constant pressure on men to be providers for their families. Each generation of men has fashioned its own definition of what it means to fulfill the role well.
Each generation of men, from Gen Z to boomers, has completely different ideas about what it means to be a provider.
In general, men of all generations are witnessing the effects of what happens when a man's provider role in a family involves more than just bringing in money and simply being the head of the household based solely on being a man.
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Boomer fathers in particular hold tightly to tradition, commanding respect from their families through financial support and maybe even fear and intimidation as a parenting tactic.
According to therapist and social scientist Scott Carter, "They believed they were entitled to respect without having to earn it. They expected us kids to just respect them because of the position they were in, and they were [annoyed] when they didn’t get it when, again, they did almost nothing to earn it."
For many boomer men, being a provider means simply being the one in the family who goes out into the world, makes enough money to support them, and then returns to a household where he holds power because he's a man AND has all the money. Though this mindset isn't without its issues, boomer men excel more than younger generations in resilience and follow-through.
Gen X men hold similar views as boomer men but behave differently.
Despite being raised during sweeping advancements of the feminist movement in the '60s and '70s, many Gen X men were still raised by domineering boomer fathers. This led them to internalize problematic behaviors and attitudes towards women while also defining the provider role in the family as being the breadwinner.
Despite these expectations, Gen X as a whole is characterized as hyper-independent compared to other generations. Further, while the helicopter stereotype for Gen X is true, Gen X men are more concerned with giving their female counterparts space than they are in dominating the household. There's sort of this attitude of letting the women do the caregiving in their own way, rather than rigidly adhering to traditional roles.
According to writers from the magazine Bolde, "Psychologists who study evolving gender norms note that transitional generations often feel caught between scripts — loyal to the old one, curious about the new one, uncertain how to integrate both."
As they enter into midlife, Gen X men are dealing with this exact phenomenon. Defining what it means to be a provider for them is still in the works, but they're trying to do better now than before.
Millennial men are the first to define provider on their own terms.
Boomer men were strict with tradition. Gen X followed suit but a little more loosely, but millennials? They're on an entirely different wavelength. This is because, as more and more women pursue higher education and carve out time for their careers, having a partner to balance all the plates is absolutely crucial if she chooses to start a family.
As a result, millennial men define being a provider as shouldering the financial AND caregiving responsibilities that come with raising a family. This makes them the first generation of men to really try to be there, both physically and emotionally, for their children and their partners.
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Because of that, older generations, especially women, are mystified when they find out their younger male counterparts are changing diapers, consoling wails, watching the kids without mom in the room, all while balancing their own career as well. Ironically, research suggests that this approach in co-parenting, viewing partners as equals and in a positive light, deeply impacts a child's well-being.
It's refreshing to see fathers of this generation not only view their wives as equals in parenthood, but also share the mental, physical, and emotional labor that comes with maintaining a household. It's only a matter of time before we witness the aforementioned positive effects of this mentality when the young ones come of age.
Gen Z men have mixed feelings on what it means to be a provider.
Gen Z men are currently in their late teens to their 20s, and so many of them are still figuring out what family and partnership are all about rather than drawing on experience. Beyond that, with the current state of the world, a volatile economy, and a rise in extremist perspectives, Gen Z men are struggling to provide for themselves, let alone provide for others.
However, this doesn't mean that Gen Z men don't feel a deep desire to provide for their partners and future families in any possible way they can. As a Gen Z man myself, my male friends and I are always discussing how we'd like to make enough money to provide our families with stability and opportunity. We want to be loving and devoted partners and fathers, and we want to ensure that we learn from our own fathers' missteps.
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Men of my generation are actually discussing how we'd like to be as providers, something previous generations never really did. This is making it much easier to not let ourselves be burdened by societal expectations. It's also effective at building solidarity with women who push for gender equality across the board, knowing that fellow men want to see them thrive too.
Though each generation of men has different definitions of what it means to be a provider, each one tries their best to do the best they can with what they've got, and at least all of them bring something to the table. While being a provider puts a lot of pressure on us, we men have to try not to let it get in the way of what we truly value: the happiness and well-being of our families. As long as you keep that in mind, the rest will fall into place.
Luke Aliga is a writer with a degree in Technical Writing and Communication who covers relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
