5 Habits Women Brush Off As Normal But Actually Mean They're Living Under Chronic Stress
LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR | UnsplashHaving emotions is part of being human, yet some women brush things off as normal that are a sign of chronic stress. Pushing the stress further inside can end up causing emotional dysregulation.
The American Psychological Association said emotional dysregulation is “an excessive or otherwise poorly managed mechanism or response” to feeling any given emotion. People with emotional dysregulation tend to see their responses as normal because they don’t know any other ways to react to a difficult situation.
However, a key part of emotional regulation is accepting our emotions for what they are, instead of trying to force ourselves to feel differently. Then you need to stay rooted in the knowledge that we all hold worth and value, no matter how much stress we might be feeling. Recognizing these patterns is the first step because what feels normal isn't always healthy, and these small changes can make a big difference in restoring balance.
Here are 5 habits women brush off as normal, but actually mean they're living under chronic stress:
1. They rely on certain objects for comfort
Logan Cohen is an author, therapist, and coach. In a TikTok post, he introduced himself as a licensed therapist and certified trauma professional who also has lived experience with fight or flight dysregulation. Cohen shared various aspects of people’s behavior patterns that are emblematic of being in a state of chronic nervous system dysregulation, including the feeling that they need to have a specific object with them at all times in order to feel calm and in control.
He listed off various items that people might rely on, such as a security blanket, headphones, or a water bottle. He noted that people living with emotional dysregulation will feel very uneasy if they leave their home and forget one of their touchpoint items.
2. They feel stressed out by not being in control
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Cohen spoke directly to people who get stressed when they’re not in control, saying, “You often overthink and over-prepare for upcoming events, to convince yourself that you can prevent any negative possible outcomes that you’ve considered.”
The fight or flight response is also known as the acute stress response. It’s a physiological reaction to dangerous situations, relating to perceived or actual risk. Research has shown how our fight or flight response is linked to our early human ancestors’ reflexes in unsafe environments, when they had the choice to run away or stay and fight. No matter which decision they made, their bodies’ response to stress was the same, and that reaction triggered a sudden release of hormones, which created an increased heart rate and breathing rate, and higher blood pressure.
People who are emotionally dysregulated may go through the fight or flight response when they’re in situations they can’t control. They believe that keeping a running list of everything that might go wrong is a normal reaction, when really, it’s an acute stress response.
3. They are emotionally guarded
People who worry about a lack of control in their lives and relationships tend to keep their emotions at a distance as a way to maintain a sense of control. Repressing emotions might make it seem like you’re in control of how you feel, yet keeping your feelings tamped down does more harm than good.
Cohen revealed the downside to putting up an emotional blockade, explaining, “You’re so used to hiding your emotions that it becomes hard to express yourself, and/or advocate for your needs to be met.” Holding back emotions affects social life. Researchers found that whether people consistently hide their feelings or only do it in new situations, they often end up with less social support and hamper building meaningful connections.
4. They have a hard time trusting their own opinions
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Doubting yourself and the choices you make is a sign of being stuck in fight or flight mode. Trusting your intuition takes practice; if you constantly feel on edge, you’re less likely to believe in yourself.
Cohen noted that people in a dysregulated emotional state are fully capable of making their own decisions, yet they often don’t feel comfortable with the choices they make. “You feel a constant need for validation about your choices,” he stated.
While wanting validation is a normal part of living as social creatures in interdependent communities, putting too much emphasis on what other people think of you can be harmful. Placing other people’s approval on a pedestal creates a level of self-doubt.
As noted in Psychology Today, self-validation relies on recognizing and acknowledging your own internal experience as something that holds inherent worth. Cultivating self-validation is a valuable technique in learning how to trust and accept yourself and your choices.
5. They're always bracing for something to go wrong
According to Cohen, people with emotional dysregulation are more concerned when they’re not feeling anxious than when they are. He said, “It’s so rare that you tend to question, ‘Why am I feeling so chill today?’ while you actively look for the other boot to drop.”
The first step toward emotional regulation is recognizing when we’re feeling dysregulated. In a TikTok post about navigating mental health, psychotherapist Kristina Virro offers followers a simple and effective technique to “interrupt worry, dysregulation, escalation, and argument.”
Virro’s tips for emotional regulation are to “relabel, refocus, and revalue.” “Relabel is about just naming what’s going on in the moment,” she said. “So you might say, ‘Okay, this is just the anxiety talking, this is just me in a fight or flight response.”
To refocus, you turn your attention away from your worries and toward something else. “That can be your breath, that can be an activity, that can be going for a walk, changing your location,” Virro says.
She explains that reevaluating relies on “focusing on what’s important to you.” To revalue, you can tell yourself, “I’m committed to being the healthiest version of myself,” then locate the values that are important to you and do something that aligns with those values.
Experiencing a wide range of emotions is a normal part of being human, yet responding to and regulating our emotions is challenging. Having emotions is a neutral experience; there’s no such thing as “good” or “bad” emotions, despite the ways your mind might frame them.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers mental health, pop culture analysis, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
