Immature People Can't Handle 11 Basic Life Skills Everyone Else Masters With Their Eyes Closed
sutulastock | Shutterstock Maturity develops over the course of time, as people learn to regulate their emotions and consider the needs of others. But getting older doesn't always make people more mature.
Regardless of age, immature people stay stuck in patterns they picked up in adolescence. They still think they're the center of the universe. So, instead of looking at someone's age or title as indication of maturity, watch out for these 11 signs that they can't handle some of the most important basic life skills.
Immature people can't handle 11 basic life skills everyone else masters with their eyes closed
1. Staying emotionally balanced
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Immature people approach life with one of two approaches: "good vibes only" mentality or a "woe is me" mindset. While one is very happy and the other is almost perpetually sad, they originate from the same place: passivity.
Immature people resist sitting in the full spectrum of their feelings, which amplifies discomfort they're trying so hard to ignore. The resist agency by seeing life through just one lens rather than embracing reality and taking control of their outcomes.
When mature people are confronted by complicated emotions, they let those emotions in. Sometimes they're surprising or contradictory to what they'd expect.
They may even feel two or more things at once about the same situation, which can be confusing and frustrating. But being emotionally balanced means accepting those feelings, processing them and then figuring out the most empowered next step.
2. Accepting that nothing is guaranteed
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If you're mature, it's easy to understand that you're not owed success, happiness, or romance, no matter how much you want them. But immature people can't handle not getting what they want. They think life should line up perfectly with their expectations.
Immature people measure their lives according to what everyone else has. Their scarcity mindset runs deep, justifying their bitter attitude and lack of empathy when someone else is doing well. Even when they work hard, they see it almost as if it's payment for a perfect outcome.
If you're mature, you know that being human means learning to manage disappointment, which lets you see everything you do have as a gift. You accept the hard truth that we're not owed anything and choose compassion anyway. Immature people simply can't handle that (yet!).
3. Saying 'no' without making excuses
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For mature people, it's easy to say "no" gracefully, without making excuses, but immature people can't handle setting boundaries. They overextend themselves to the point of resenting anyone who makes a request of them. Immature people believe that saying "no" is a selfish response, rather than an act of self-care.
Being mature means you don't define your worth by what other people need from you, especially when it means you're not caring for yourself. You honor your own needs, because you believe that showing up for yourself is essential to having a nourishing life.
Immature people can't handle the feeling that someone might not like them, and that will deplete them until they're ready to grow into their healthiest selves.
4. Accepting feedback
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Immature people often interpret feedback as an attack on their character, as opposed to being information that might help them succeed.
When you base your self-esteem on external factors, like how many people like you or external measures of success, your happiness feels fragile and insecure. If you're mature, it's easy to acknowledge areas of improvement, because you aim for growth over grasping for short-term security.
When mature people hear feedback, they're also able to parse what is relevant and what's not. Oftentimes, feedback has an element of truth and also an element of something the other person is projecting, but it takes a level of maturity to be able to take the lessons and leave the criticism.
5. Considering consequences
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If you're mature, it's easy to think about the consequences of your decisions before you make them. You have learned the value of pausing and zooming out on situations so you can see the bigger picture.
Immature people don't see the value of this pause. They prioritize instant gratification, which means they often take action without thinking about how that action will actually unfold.
Maturity makes it easy to develop coping skills that keep impulsivity in check, but immature people struggle with impulse control and regulating their emotions. Even though it's hard for them, immature people can learn techniques to help them weigh the consequences of their decisions.
Hitting pause is hard for immature people. They often jump into action without considering what comes next. The S.T.O.P. method teaches them to Stop, Take a breath, Observe, and Proceed mindfully. Practicing mindfulness teaches immature people how to slow down and stay grounded, and think about what they really want.
6. Acknowledging their own agency
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For people who are immature, they view life as something that happens to them, as though their own choices are forced upon them. They don't accept responsibility for charting their own course, which causes them to fall into a victim mentality.
Immature people take their relationships for granted, then wonder why they fall apart. They don't claim control over their own behavior, seeing the dissolution of their relationships as the other person's fault.
If you're mature, however, it's easy to acknowledge that relationships are only successful when people continue to show up for each other. They realize that their career will only take off when they stop seeing challenges as obstacles, and start seeing them as steps toward a goal.
7. Being alone
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Being on your own is easy if you're mature, but immature people can't handle it. They see solitude as something to fear, instead of embracing it as a pathway for reconnecting with themselves. They're scared to sit in the empty space of being alone, because it might lead them to uncover who they really are.
Immature people rely on others to keep them entertained and distracted. Their endless search for external validation is a distraction technique. If they're always surrounded by people, there's no need for self-reflection. Immature people don't see the difference between solitude and loneliness.
If you're mature, it's easy to understand that you are a person worth tending to. You know that, in order to see the world's true beauty, you have to accept being alone with yourself where you can become the best version of yourself and find real peace.
8. Having gratitude for simple things
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Being grateful for simple things is easy if you're mature. Immature people, those who haven't learned the power of gratitude, are too hung up on what's going wrong (in their perception) than what is going right.
They don't understand that the real wonders of the world will reveal themselves when they release the idea that a bigger, better version of life exists somewhere else.
Author and public speaker David Ahearn points out that the power of gratitude lets us see life in a new light. "If we only shift our perception away from worrying about the 'big' things with which we have little to no control, we make space to celebrate the 'small' things that we most certainly have some impact to enjoy," he writes.
Ahearn advises people to give thanks for the little things, like a cup of tea on a snowy day, the feeling you get when you hear your favorite song, a perfectly ripe peach.
Appreciating the little things lets you see how full your life is. Having gratitude is a choice you actively make. Maturity opens the door to living in the present, instead of waiting for the future to arrive.
9. Redefining success
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Rethinking what it means to be successful is easy if you're mature. Immature people, on the other hand, can't zoom out far enough to see that change can be in their best interest. They cling tightly to their narrow idea of success, refusing to adapt even when it's clearly for the best.
Being mature allows you to accept that multiple possibilities can exist at once, and none are inherently wrong. The traditional meaning of success centers around the job someone has and how big their paycheck is, but if you're mature, you know that you can't reduce real success to fit into such a small box.
Immature people can't handle the idea that real success doesn't actually come from wealth or power. They're caught up in the misguided belief that success depends on optics. In contrast, if you're mature, it becomes easier to reframe real success according to the friendships you have, the memories you've made, and the love you give.
10. Accepting imperfections
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Maturity allows you see that being flawed is part of being human, and it doesn't negate your innate worth. According to licensed clinical psychologist Jessica Del Pozo, PhD, maturity exists along a continuum.
Our patterns of behavior, thought processes, and emotional reactions are influenced by where we fall on the maturity spectrum. Being mature gives people the perspective to understand nuance.
Maturity lets people "hold awareness [that] they are imperfect and loveable." It means being able to "own mistakes and make sincere repair attempts for healing and growth." Mature people have adequate tools to mine the depths of their emotions without fear.
Immature people can't handle the responsibility of owning their own emotional work. That makes it awfully hard to accept their own imperfections, keeping them on a hamster wheel, chasing perfection instead of true happiness.
11. Taking responsibility for their emotions
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Being responsible for their own emotions is something immature people can't handle. When you're mature, it's relatively easy to deep-dive into your feelings to gain a better understanding of the "why" underneath your actions. But if you're not, the entire idea of digging in like that is terrifying.
Once you've done the work to grow into your most mature potential, you don't feel like it's degrading to take responsibility for your feelings or your behavior. In fact, you find it empowering. It's always going to be a little painful to admit you made a mistake or overreacted, but life no longer feels chaotic when you stop blaming outside forces for things you created and that you can manage yourself.
Holding ourselves responsible guides us to live our best lives. When we release past versions of ourselves and walk into the unknown, we become the people we were always meant to be.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
