A Mom RSVP’d 'No' To A Little Boy’s Taylor Swift Birthday Party Because It's ‘Against Their Beliefs’
New Africa | ShutterstockA mom named Jolene is speaking out about the controversy that erupted around her son's Taylor Swift-themed birthday party regarding conflicting views on gender and what it actually means to just let a kid be a kid.
America has been at quite an inflection point when it comes to gender roles and LGBTQ+ issues. The situation Jolene faced with her little boy seems like a sort of microcosm of all that outsized drama.
A child's parent RSVP'd 'no' to Jolene's son's Taylor Swift birthday party because it was 'against their beliefs.'
Jolene revealed the surprising RSVP text message she received from another kid's parent in response to her son's birthday party. "My daughter will not be attending your son's Taylor Swift party because it is against our beliefs," it read.
Ultimately, Jolene and her husband decided not to respond to what seemed like an obvious attempt at provocation, and one that used kids as a prop, no less. "Their text message seemed a little confrontational because they could have just said 'no, thank you,'" she said.
And since their son has long been into "the pretty things in life," she said she and her husband are used to people objecting to their son's interests. Who needs that on their birthday?
She felt the other mom's RSVP highlighted a ridiculous double standard when it comes to kids and gender roles.
"Initially, I wanted to respond and ask them to elaborate because I'm not exactly sure what belief system you have, like what religion is out here saying thou shall not listen to Taylor Swift?" Jolene continued.
That people would have such firm opinions on an 8-year-old child's interests is itself absurd and a shame, and Jolene felt like it also touched on an important point about how arbitrarily these standards are applied to kids.
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"I've always found it kind of weird that … girls are allowed to look up to girls and girls are allowed to look up to boys, but boys aren't allowed to look up to girls," she said in her video. "Are little girls not allowed to listen to male artists?"
Experts have spoken out about this strange disparity between genders. Sociology and gender studies professor Michael Kimmel noted that girls can embrace the feminine and masculine, but the same courtesy is not given to boys.
"It's about mobility," he said. "Girls who act like boys are moving up the social ladder. Boys who are acting like anything but masculine are moving down and risk losing their status."
Although Jolene seemed to be at peace, plenty of people online had a lot to say about the party.
One angry parent suggested Jolene was the problem. "And this is what's wrong with society," they commented on Jolene's video. "You are enabling him to think this is okay. LET YOUR BOY BE A BOY."
For her part, Jolene was having none of it. She gently pushed back in a follow-up video, saying, "The thing is, it's not let boys be boys. I'm just trying to let my kids be kids."
She explained that she allowed her son to pick and choose what he wanted for his birthday, and he picked Taylor Swift-themed stuff, including a "girly" costume to wear. She's never even told him that "sparkles and colors" are "only for girls." In the absence of this cultural information, her son simply picked what he wanted for his birthday.
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This all speaks to a wider point: conservative views on gender like this angry commenter's do not actually make any sense.
"What's so bizarre to me is people like you are usually the ones that will say that biology is the only thing that can determine your gender," Jolene said. "But then you guys will make such a big deal about what clothes do to affect other people's gender. And so my question is, which one is it? Is it biology or is it self-expression?"
Conservative and religious parents so often couch their angry objections to gender and LGBTQ+ issues in the belief that they are being "forced" on their kids. But you can't really find a better example of forcing the issue than a conservative parent demanding that this mom force her son to choose a different birthday theme in order to adhere to gender standards he isn't even aware of in the first place. Maybe back off and let kids be kids.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
