At My Age, I’ve Finally Accepted These 10 Harsh Life Truths (Even Though It Took Me Far Too Long)
Jacqui-Leigh Meyerson | UnsplashLife isn't always fair, but that's no reason to give up and stop trying. Eventually, we all come to learn that things don't always go as planned and that life is meant to have its ups and downs.
That said, it's time to learn these harsh life truths that will make you stronger and more appreciative of the great life you have. Retired therapist Gregg Williams pointed out that hard times threaten your spirit and can leave you feeling helpless and overwhelmed, but they never get better by themselves. The hardest part of any hard realization is sitting with it long enough to let it change how you decide to live the rest of your life.
I’ve finally accepted these 10 harsh life truths at my age, even though it took me far too long:
1. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is insanity
If you want to lose weight but don't change your diet, it will never work out in your favor. You can't keep doing the same thing and expect something different to come out of it. If you're unhappy but don't make any life changes, you won't become any happier.
If you want to change, you need to do something different to make the change. Research shows our brains get hooked on familiar routines because they feel safe, even when those routines are making our lives worse.
2. Don't keep watering dead flowers
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When it's over, move on. If your relationship ends, you have to pick yourself up and move forward. Watering dead flowers won't bring them back to life, no matter how hard you try and how much you water them. When it's over, it's over.
Relationship therapist Nancy Carbone pointed out that holding onto hope is often what keeps us stuck in relationships that aren't good for us. Wanting something more only postpones the part where you finally let yourself move forward.
3. You can never make someone love you
Sometimes you can love someone with all your heart, but they won't feel the same, no matter how hard you try. Forced love isn't love and will never make you happy. You owe it to yourself to find someone you care about and someone who reciprocates those feelings toward you.
The first prerequisite for love is that it has to be mutual, argues couples counselor Susan J. Elliott. Once you stop trying to convince someone to feel something they don't, you free up space for the person who's actually going to show up for you.
4. No matter how much you want something, sometimes it will never be enough
You can want to win the Powerball more than anything in the world and put your whole life savings into buying tickets, but that doesn't mean you will win. Sometimes you work hard at work, and someone else will get the promotion. Sometimes, things in life just don't work out the way you want them to.
Life isn't meant to be fair, but it doesn't mean life isn't good, and you shouldn't keep working hard. According to the American Psychological Association, resilience is about adapting when things don't go your way and finding a way to keep moving forward anyway.
5. When one door closes, another will always open
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If you fall, you will never stay down — you always get back up. You will fail, and you will succeed after that failure. If you get fired from a job, your life isn't over. There will be another door that will open, and you will find success again. Staying down is the only thing that will lead to another door not opening.
Life coach María Tomás-Keegan pointed out that people who see failure as an opportunity to learn rather than a reflection of their worth actually bounce back from setbacks more effectively. Staying down is usually not the choice that leads anywhere good.
6. Someone saying sorry doesn't always mean they actually are
You can say you're sorry until you're blue in the face, but that doesn't necessarily mean you mean it. Sometimes you only apologize because you get caught, and that's truly sad. Until you no longer repeat those actions you apologized for, that will be when you're truly sorry.
A meaningful apology requires more than just words, researchers have found. It takes real acknowledgment of harm, genuine remorse, and changed behavior going forward. Anything less is just performance.
7. Talking about people shows more of who you are than they are
The way you talk negatively about people, pointing out their flaws or their behaviors, shows more about you than it does them. It shows your insecurities and makes you look like the bad person. Saying someone is ugly won't make you any prettier, so stop bashing others.
We're all trying to figure out life together. When you describe someone else as rude or shallow, the people listening unconsciously start associating those traits with you instead, one study explained.
8. You don't need a lot to be happy
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"If money truly buys happiness, then politicians and CEOs should be dancing in the streets. But only poor kids do that. If power ensures security, then presidents and kings should walk unguarded. But only those who live simply can sleep soundly. If beauty and things bring ideal relationships, then celebrities should have the best marriages. But it's not the truth. Simplicity leads the world."— Kelsey Ayikoru Sabo
This quote has really stuck with me. You don't need much to be happy. Collections of souvenirs and a house full of items will never make you happy. Items won't fill a void in your life. Happiness is internal and something you have to work on. Find the good in your life.
9. You have to want to change for it to happen
No one can do the work for you to change, and no one can want you to change and make it happen. If you want to change, you have to want to put in the work.
You have to want it and work for it every day, truly. Williams noted that hard times never get better on their own. Real change requires you to show up for yourself every day, even when you don't feel like it.
10. You can't live life looking through the rearview mirror
Psychotherapist Engracia Gill explained that real growth comes from accepting what is and moving forward with the lessons you've learned. Looking backward too long keeps you stuck in a past you can't change, while the present slips by without us noticing.
You're not going back — you can't go back. As much as you might miss the way things used to be, they will always be the way things used to be. Time can't stop, and you can't go back. That's why you have to cherish the time you have and enjoy the memories.
Becca is a freelance writer who specializes in love and relationship topics.
