Narcissistic People Get Seriously Offended By 11 Phrases Everyone Else Thinks Are Perfectly Normal
MDV Edwards | ShutterstockFrom the outside, narcissists can appear charming and magnetic. They are fantastic at reading other people and gaining their trust. Soon enough, though, a narcissistic person will turn on you.
In order to understand what's happening, keep an eye out for the phrases that make someone angry. These things are often innocuous to the rest of us, but violate the narcissist's belief that they are (or should be) the center of the universe. Once you know what to look for, you can spot one before letting them into your inner circle.
11 phrases that pretty much only annoy narcissistic people
1. 'I see things differently'
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In a stable relationship of any type, people are free to express differences of opinion without feeling attacked. Narcissistic people, on the other hand, can't handle being challenged in that way. Telling a narcissistic person that you see things differently will often trigger all of the rage they keep hidden right below the surface.
As innocent and respectful as it is to say "I see things differently" for the rest of us, narcissistic people struggle to see disagreement as anything other than disrespect. That's because they don't have respect for anyone else whom they might disagree with.
In essence, they can't imagine a world where someone disagrees but doesn't think less of the other because they have never felt that way. In other words, challenging a narcissistic person's perspective without being disrespectful undermines their entire idea of how disagreement works.
2. 'You're not the center of the universe'
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Narcissistic people thrive on admiration and external validation, which is why telling them that they're not the center of the universe offends them so much. They appear self-assured to the outside world, but the truth is, they're projecting false confidence, designed to keep their true insecurities hidden.
Therapist Dan Neuharth explained that "narcissists lack something vital to being a psychologically healthy human: a fully formed self."
"Deep in their core, in ways most narcissists are not fully aware of and would never talk about, they feel flawed and empty," he revealed. "To avoid feeling powerless or out of control, they act invincible. To avoid feeling self-doubt, they must be certain about nearly everything. To avoid feeling flawed, they believe they are perfect and special."
Pointing out that a narcissistic person isn't that important calls their entire sense of self into question, which is something they can't actually handle.
3. 'You're not always right'
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The phrase "You're not always right" doesn't bother normal thinkers at all, but it deeply offends narcissistic people. In their minds, they are always right, and they refuse to accept any alternative viewpoints.
The inability to accept feedback is a tell-tale sign of a narcissistic person. As certified life coach Meredith Deasley revealed, "They are hypersensitive to feeling slighted or mistreated in any way. They feel insulted and criticized even when no insult or criticism was intended and are always on the defensive."
"Their inflated self-image is threatened by any perceived criticism, leading to behaviors like anger, devaluation, or victim-playing," she explained. While a normal thinker understands that everyone has their own interpretation of how the world works, narcissistic people are incapable of integrating that information.
4. 'That's not how it happened'
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Pushing back against a narcissistic person deeply offends them, which is why saying "That's not how it happened" makes them so angry. They care more about being right than being truthful. They invent their own facts, and "they will lie and give the impression that simply because they say it, that makes it a reality," neuropsychologist Rhonda Freeman explained.
"Many will become angered if their lies are challenged with truth or facts," she continued. "This can create problems for the people close to them, as this pattern of behavior can easily veer into gaslighting."
Being gaslit by a narcissistic person is an incredibly destabilizing experience, one that leads people to question their memory and sense of reality. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse, and a clear indication that you're dealing with a narcissistic person.
5. 'You may not talk to me like that'
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Setting limits with a narcissistic person rarely works, because they refuse to respect anyone else's boundaries. Of the phrases that deeply offend narcissistic people but don't bother normal thinkers at all, "You can't talk to me like that" challenges them and angers them. It holds them accountable, which is something they can't actually handle.
Even though narcissistic people aren't capable of accepting boundaries, it's still important to set boundaries, for your own sense of self-worth.
As licensed clinical mental health counselor Miki Anderson revealed, "boundaries are your responsibility, not others'. When setting boundaries, you communicate what you are and are not comfortable with, as a way of developing and maintaining healthy relationships with others."
6. 'You're twisting my words'
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Narcissistic people can't deal with being challenged by anyone, which means that using the phrase "You're twisting my words" will deeply offend them. Still, standing up for yourself is valid and valuable, and telling them that they're wrong can help you take back your own power, even if they don't accept your reality.
Telling a narcissistic person that they're twisting your words is a way to take action and confront their manipulative behavior. They might not admit to it, but you know the truth, and establishing your own emotional limits is always the right thing to do.
If this phrasing feels harsh in your situation, you can try using an "I statement" where you take the accusation out of it. For example, "I feel like my words are getting twisted in this conversation" or "I want to make sure I'm being clear because it doesn't sound like you're understanding me."
A true narcissistic will not like these phrases any better, but someone who actually wants to do better and has some degree of empathy might connect with these and step away from a narcissistic pattern for the conversation.
7. 'I don't need your approval'
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Using the phrase "I don't need your approval" challenges the way narcissistic people see themselves. In their minds, you do need their approval, because they think everyone needs their approval.
Narcissistic people will do everything they can to control you, and they can't stand it when you try to take that control away from them. In this case, you're taking the control of your reactions.
They often react defensively and may become agitated, argumentative, or even hostile when their self-image is challenged."
Using the phrase contradicts what narcissistic people want, and it reinforces the emotional independence you have every right to establish.
8. 'I'm choosing someone other than you for this'
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When you choose someone else for something like a job or a fun day out, for example, a narcissist hears, "I don't like you" or "I wasn't thinking about you at all".
This phrase pushes against their self-perceived importance. Their perception of themselves centers around a sense of superiority, so telling them that you weren't considering them deflates their inflated self-image, despite the fact that nobody is thinking about someone all the time, for every single opportunity.
All relationships, romantic or not, take work, but being in a relationship with someone who's narcissistic involves an intense amount of emotional labor. Before you get exhausted by it, remember that it's OK to disappoint a narcissist. Life is full of disappointments, and it's nobody's job to protect another grown adult's emotions.
9. 'My feelings are valid'
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Narcissistic people will do everything they can to devalue your experience. They want to invalidate you to keep you under their control. Part of that process involves making you think that your feelings aren't acceptable, but the truth is, your feelings are always okay, even when they're hard.
Declaring that your feelings are valid is a healthy way to navigate being in a relationship with narcissistic people. Even if they refuse to validate you, you can validate yourself. Using this phrase is a powerful way to own your own emotional experience, which keeps you true to yourself.
10. 'I'm not comfortable with that'
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Pushing boundaries is something narcissistic people excel at, and they're deeply offended by hearing the phrase "I'm not comfortable with that." Setting boundaries is never an easy process, and they can be especially hard to maintain when you're involved with narcissistic people.
According to developmental psychologist Deborah L. Davis, PhD, setting clear limits is a self-preservation tactic for dealing with narcissistic people, as it "enables you to pay attention and assert yourself compassionately." She calls this compassionate assertiveness.
"Compassionate assertiveness means that you stand up for yourself firmly but also kindly rather than by attacking, manipulating, criticizing, or blaming," Davis explains. Even though narcissistic people probably won't respect your assertiveness, it's still important to express it. It might make you less of a target, though, once they realize you're not a pushover.
11. 'No'
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Saying "no" might trigger a narcissistic person's inner rage, but it's an essential aspect of establishing with that narcissist that you have respect for yourself. Narcissistic people can't accept when their demands are denied, and knowing that "no" is a complete sentence with you can make it clear that you are not the one to be messed with.
On a podcast, Dr. Ramani Durvasula shared that staying in a relationship with a narcissist requires people to practice radical acceptance and acknowledge that "this is never going to change. This is who they are. This is it."
She described an approach she calls "The Deep Technique," explaining, "If you're dealing with a narcissist, don't defend, don't engage, don't explain, don't personalize... Narcissists don't like that."
Taking care of yourself first is more important than anything else, and saying no is one of the best ways to do that.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
