People Who Are Genuinely Happy In Midlife Follow These 7 Simple Rules — Not The Kind Of Happiness People Fake
Manel Ponce Rodriguez | ShutterstockMidlife happiness looks different from the highlight-reel version most people perform. Research has found that genuine happiness in midlife is about a steady sense of meaning, connection, and purpose built through consistent daily choices. The good news is that the people who seem to have figured it out are not following some complicated formula.
I am not a doctor. I am not a researcher. I am not a happiness expert. I am a human being who has lived for less than forty years and has accumulated thoughts about how life works. These are some of those simple rules, and I hope you get value from them, no matter how old you are.
People who are genuinely happy in midlife follow these 7 simple rules:
1. People who are genuinely happy in midlife feel their feelings fully
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Stress is simply the compounded, unfelt feelings that live in your body. The more things you don’t feel, the more stressed you feel. When you don’t feel your feelings, tension shows up in your body. You get sick more easily. It’s harder to be happy about life.
Practice cathartic practices. Release anger. Relinquish jealousy. Cry fully. Remember: life isn’t about feeling better, it’s about getting better at feeling. Regularly allow yourself the time and space to let it all out. You’ll be glad you did.
A 2024 Baylor University study found that emotional suppression is linked to increased stress-related physical symptoms. Choosing to feel and release difficult emotions is one of the most protective things you can do for your long-term health.
2. People who are genuinely happy in midlife give more
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We all suffer to the degree that our mind/ego convinces us that we are alone. That we are isolated. That life is ours alone to suffer through. Honoring your emotional states is necessary, but so is getting out of your head and back into remembering that your life is ultimately about service to others.
When I feel stale, stuck, stagnant, I start chipping away at my service to humanity. I check in with a client who needs support. I wrote an article that will hopefully alleviate pain in the world. I sent one of my best friends a message telling them how much I love them.
When you get stuck in your head, try giving more. Give whatever you can. Give your gifts. Make art. Volunteer. Ask someone you care about how you can make their life even 1 percent better, and then deliver on that promise.
This will be part of your life’s mission — today, and forever. Getting out of your own head and focusing on others breaks the cycle of isolation that makes hard times feel heavier. As psychotherapist Heather Hans explains, leading from a place of empathy and connection is what creates the kind of bonds that actually sustain us.
3. People who are genuinely happy in midlife live simply
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A cluttered life is as ineffective as an umbrella with a hundred tiny holes in it. Cut down on the number of things that you allow to take up space in your calendar. Invest in a few deep friendships rather than spreading yourself thin with a hundred acquaintances.
Acknowledge that you wear only 20 percent of your clothing the most, and donate the rest of your wardrobe to people who will actually wear what you ignore. Work in your zone of genius more often than not, and let go of the dozens of things that you do that are taxing, time-wasting, and unfulfilling.
A 2021 survey found that people who self-identified as minimalists had enhanced flourishing and reduced depression. Live simply. Your heart will thank you for it.
4. People who are genuinely happy in midlife seek to understand others
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Instead of expending endless energy trying to make yourself seen, known, and understood, seek to understand others. How many months of your life will you save by avoiding petty jealousies, arguments, and ego-squabbles by seeking to understand the person across from you first?
Do you have a judgment about someone? Learn from it. Own your projections. Does someone trigger the heck out of you? Is it hard for you to be around them without being in your head and quietly resenting them? Great. Another learning opportunity. Use it all.
Your mind is your greatest teacher if you are willing to observe it without judgment. Everyone you cross paths with is a teacher for you. Never forget this simple fact.
The same principle applies beyond romantic relationships. Clinical social worker Richard Drobnick explains that choosing curiosity over defensiveness is what separates people who grow from their relationships from people who just endure them.
5. People who are genuinely happy in midlife lose themselves in activities they enjoy
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Crying, self-reflection, and honoring your body: all good things. But it is also imperative that you are regularly filling your life with positive flow states. Ever heard of flow? This guy wrote the bible on it.
In essence, flow is the state of being fully immersed in a specific activity. You can experience flow while dancing, gardening, cooking, or creative writing. Whatever it is that you do that makes hours pass by in the blink of an eye, make sure you’re regularly scheduling these things into your calendar.
Research shows that flow is consistently associated with positive mood and life satisfaction. Whatever activity pulls you fully into the present is doing more for your mental health than it might seem.
6. People who are genuinely happy in midlife honor their body and mind
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Engage in exercise that feels like play. Drink enough water. Eat healthily. Sleep for at least 7.5 hours per night. Regularly engage your body with sensual touch or massage. Make these things non-negotiable.
Limit the amount of fear-based news (mental junk food) that you consume. Fill your brain with loving and inspirational messages from people whose brains you want your brain to soak up energy from.
Spend time with friends who love you. Spend time with friends who challenge you. Journal often. See a coach or therapist. Meditate on gratitude. Empty your mind to someone who is a loving and safe space.
Do these things often. Just as you can’t eat enough in one sitting to be satiated forever, specific self-care habits must be engaged in consistently to experience the ongoing benefits. Dr. Sherrie Campbell, licensed psychologist, agreed, stating that, "Taking care of ourselves doesn't have to be a chore, an obligation, or something experienced as yet another burden."
7. People who are genuinely happy in midlife put real effort into the people they love
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Harvard University did a 75-year happiness study, and the results? The quality and depth of your relationships are the biggest determining factor of long-term health and happiness, above all else.
Adding another $10,000 to your annual income probably won’t make you that much happier. Hosting a weekly dinner gathering that allows you to dive deeper with your favorite people will make you happier. Spend more time with your favorite people. Go deeper with them. Regularly remind your tribe that you love them.
When you lie on your deathbed, you will wish that you had apologized to someone you cared for. Or spent one more lazy afternoon with your best friend. Or told one person how you really felt about them. Do that today. Invest in your relationships. Get offline and connect with your people.
Jordan Gray is a five-time Amazon best-selling author, public speaker, and relationship coach with more than a decade of practice. His work has been featured in The New York Times, BBC, Forbes, The Huffington Post, Women's Health, and The Good Men Project, among countless others.
