People Who Handle Stress Well Usually Learned These 12 Coping Skills Early In Life
Yan Krukau | PexelsWhen was the last time you did something for yourself and didn't feel an ounce of guilt? Hopefully, it was recently, but the sad truth is that many of us, especially parents, are socialized to care for everyone else first and put ourselves last on the list. Research has even shown that long-term caregiving can cause high stress, poor sleep, and anxiety, and people in caregiving positions need extra emotional and social support to prevent burnout.
If we don’t acquire the necessary coping skills to handle stress and get through hard moments (or let's face it: days or years), we can become increasingly ungrounded and miserable. If we don't create space for self-care and put our oxygen masks on first, we won't be whole enough to care for all those we love or who depend on us. People who handle stress pretty well have luckily learned these coping skills early and still use them every day.
People who handle stress well usually learned these 12 coping skills early in life:
1. They write down their feelings
Writing down your thoughts and goals is the first step to getting them out of your head and into the world. Even if you don’t think there’s anything special up there, try spending fifteen minutes each day for a week, writing whatever comes into your mind with no judgments or criticisms.
"Writing creates the space to vent, and venting contributes to stress relief in two key ways", recommended life coach Patricia Bonnard. "First, it allows you to get it all out so you can be more present, and presence of mind and body is associated with clarity and a well-functioning mind. It's a very good state to be in when you make decisions. Second, when kept private, your writing can be candid and uninhibited. What you allow to come from your heart or the gut can be cathartic as well as revealing."
2. People who handle stress well break down problems one by one
It’s amazing how so many seemingly little stressors can be big energy drains if not handled. Make a list of everything you’re tolerating or putting up with. Some may take money to fix, but many are minor annoyances that need a little attention, like greasing the squeaky hinges on the front door or finally cleaning out the car seat in the minivan.
Business coach Ellen Nyland explained, "Take a big piece of paper, write your worry or problem in the middle, and circle it. Any thoughts you have around that problem, write them down, and connect the thought and the worry with a line. After a while, you'll see that your paper looks like a spider with a pattern forming. This brings clarity to your thoughts and can give you the answer to your problem. Getting your worries out of your head and onto paper does something meaningful for the brain."
3. People who handle stress well resist the urge to rush
Combat chronic rushing: Resolve to leave 10 minutes earlier than usual to get to any appointment. Leave time to stroll or drive leisurely and notice the difference in your energy level when you arrive. Adrenaline is an energy-drainer and creates a great rush, but with a price.
Research has explained that these energy surges are often involved in high-stress responses, or when a person is pushing themselves to hurry. A similar situation to the fight or flight response is set up in the brain, and your body feels forced to respond.
4. They practice mindful breathing
Elijah Hiett / Unsplash
Remember to breathe. Make a point several times a day while you're sitting in traffic, on the subway, waiting for someone on the phone to take five slow, deep breaths. If nothing else, you'll be re-oxygenating and re-activating your brain cells.
Mindful breathing can provide significant benefits, such as reducing stress, anxiety, and negative thoughts, improving mood, enhancing focus, and promoting relaxation. It regulates the body's response to stress by activating the parasympathetic nervous system. A study showed positive effects in various groups, including people with cancer, students facing exams, and those experiencing high levels of stress. Other research suggests that even short durations of mindful breathing can help your stress levels.
5. They prioritize rest
There is no more powerful medicine than rest. When you sleep uninterrupted for 7-8 hours, your body's natural healing and rejuvenating abilities are free to work, resulting in better reaction time, memory, and productivity. Getting less than six hours of sleep triples your risk for a car accident: a pretty compelling reason to turn the light out earlier.
Inadequate sleep is often linked to an increased risk of depression and anxiety disorders, too; a study on sleep deprivation highlights the negative consequences of insufficient sleep on cognitive performance and overall mental health.
6. People who handle stress well go for walks & drink plenty of water
You don’t have to be a marathon runner, swimmer, or cyclist to reap the benefits of exercise, nor do you have to become a gym rat. The simple act of walking is a low-impact cardio workout that reduces stress. Try walking to work or getting off the bus or subway a few stops early on the way home. Studies show that just 30 minutes of exercise can also dramatically reduce the risk of heart disease and other illnesses and increase your life expectancy.
Drinking more water can also positively impact mood and stress; research showed that even mild dehydration can lead to decreased alertness and impaired concentration, while rehydration can significantly improve both.
7. People who handle stress well use calming scents to soothe their nervous system
Our sense of smell is the most evocative of all our senses since it’s directly connected to the limbic system, the seat of all emotions and memory. Research has shown scents can help reduce anxiety. To destress your heart, take a whiff of lavender, neroli, melissa, or ylang-ylang essential oils. Or, to improve general heart circulation, try basil, rosemary, or thyme.
8. They exercise healthy boundaries
We all know what we should do to protect our time and space, both at home and at work: close our doors when we don't want to be interrupted, not pick up the phone, and say no to drama. Creating firmer, healthier boundaries means enjoying more supportive relationships and having more energy to do what you love, which leads to lower stress and anxiety.
9. They are grateful
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can do wonders for lifting your spirits and soothing a troubled heart. Try writing down three things you’re grateful for at the beginning or end of each day. Better yet, make a point to regularly tell the people in your life something you appreciate about them and watch them light up. You’ll feel pretty good and less stressed out, too.
10. People who handle stress well carve out silence
Schedule at least fifteen minutes of creative silence into your daily routine, especially if you have a project to tackle or a problem to resolve. It may be hard to turn off the mind chatter, but gradually, the still, small voice of inner wisdom will catch on that you've created a space for it to be heard, and you'll find your intuitive hits will begin to percolate up from the depths regularly.
11. They make time for play
We all need a regular dose of play to maintain optimal focus, balance, and creativity in our lives. When was the last time you saw-sawed with a friend or pumped your legs on a swing? How about keeping some jacks or a Frisbee in your desk drawer, or a yo-yo, or one of those little paddles with a ball attached, where you bat the ball as often as you whack your head? This could be just the infusion of silliness you need when you’re having a stressful day.
12. People who handle stress well use nature to recharge
Yuricazac via Shutterstock
Our connection to nature is a deep and visceral one; not for naught that she's referred to as "Mother." Whether you work in the middle of the city or a grassy suburban corporate complex, research has recommended to make sure you spend time outdoors every day.
Rather than eat lunch at your desk, take your sandwich to an urban green space, or go for a walk through a nearby park. Fresh air and Vitamin D-laden sunlight have a healing and rejuvenating effect.
It’s also possible to bring a sense of spirit to your commute. Listen to music or an audiobook in the car instead of the news, or practice a powerful little grounding meditation standing on a bus or subway.
Breathe into your solar plexus on the inhale, and as you exhale, imagine energy flowing down through your legs and deep into the Earth, where you can "wrap" it around a hook. Then, on the next inhale, draw it back into your solar plexus and anchor it. Try it two or three times, and by the time you get to work, you’ll be grounded, energized, and ready for action.
Everything becomes a little easier, less stressful, and maybe even more fun when we carve out time and space for ourselves amid the whirlwind of life. So, how do we start to create an ongoing self-care habit?
One way is to break it into a four-sided model of mind, body, heart, and spirit. What can you do every day to support and nurture yourself in each area to stimulate your mind, nurture your body, honor your feelings and relationships, and reconnect with your spirit?
Create an ongoing habit of nurturing your body, mind, heart, and spirit, and watch your stress disappear.
Deborah Roth is a Life & Career Transition Coach and Interfaith Minister who founded Spirited Living to help guide spirited women and men through life’s big changes with joy and ease.
