People With High Social Intelligence Do These 20 Things Differently Than Everyone Else
Roman Samborskyi | ShutterstockSocial intelligence is integral to fostering the relationships we make and maintain with others. When you have a better understanding of the best way to interact with loved ones and even new acquaintances, your connections can flourish. Unfortunately, when we're attempting to connect with another person, we may find it difficult to do so. But for people who are socially intelligent, we can learn a thing or two from them.
People with high social intelligence do certain things differently than everyone else. Whether it's making time to learn from others or leading with empathy and kindness, the way they approach these situations shows how much effort they put into communicating effectively with the people and world around them.
People with high social intelligence do these 20 things differently than everyone else
1. They solve issues quickly
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Connections are collaborative, but they can be quickly sabotaged when people don't feel genuinely loved and supported. Even in the most difficult situations and conflicts, being in a partnership or friendship means you attack problems together.
For people with high social intelligence, the more willing they are to set their ego aside to support others, the more often that energy will flow back into their life with new connections, friendships, and relationships.
2. They learn from others
Sometimes, meeting new people and building new relationships can be equally exciting and overwhelming. However, people with high social intelligence make it a point to learn from others, which is a behavior that's much different than everyone else. They often have a different perspective on relationships and connections, in general.
According to psychology researcher Jessica Swainston, each time you connect with someone, whether it's a pleasant experience or not, you should remind yourself that you can learn something from them. Socially intelligent people understand that they don't have to build a long-lasting relationship with each person they interact with, but they might be able to take away some insights that make their other connections stronger.
3. They you pause while speaking and maintain eye contact
Research, including one study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, has shown that slowing down your speech and maintaining eye contact can help cultivate a sense of calm confidence in people. It's a tactic that many socially intelligent people use in their daily lives.
They understand that keeping eye contact is a great way to let the other person in the conversation know that you're listening and hearing what they have to say.
4. They make people feel seen and heard
Helping other people feel confident, heard, and remembered is the key to both a bountiful conversation and a healthy relationship. The more grace, kindness, and empathy we share with others, the more involved and invested they'll be in doing the same for you.
People with high social intelligence make others feel heard and seen in both verbal and nonverbal ways. They listen intently, uplift without judgment, and create safe environments where people are more willing to share their true thoughts and feelings.
5. They remember people's names
The quote from Dale Carnegie, "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language," has become a mantra for networking and communication experts. Evoking that kind of response in someone doesn't need to be tricky, but it can be powerful.
To be socially intelligent means improving the ability to remember people's names. Whether it's a friend of a friend or a co-worker, greeting someone with their name when you see them again truly does make all the difference.
6. They praise publicly and criticize privately
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When people complain about others with new people, it paints a picture for them about who they really are and how they deserve to be treated. But the same goes for other people. Being overly critical or insulting toward others makes a negative first impression.
According to clinical psychologist Vinita Mehta, giving backhanded compliments, which are actually just insults, can ruin a first impression easily. "People like compliments and see complimenters favorably. But people recoil in the face of backhanded compliments. These bids for superiority fail spectacularly. They show that a person is concerned about how others evaluate them when, in actuality, they are more likely to gain respect when they appear unconcerned about how others view them," she explained.
7. They give support, not feedback
Sometimes, whether people are self-aware or not, it can be difficult to absorb feedback from peers without immediately assuming it comes from a negative space. When someone is sharing feedback, whether in an intimate relationship or a workplace conversation, people should remind others that they are on their side.
As counselor Marissa Moore explained, "Not everyone you talk to wants advice. Some people may see you as a safe person to whom they can vent or want to share what's going on without you telling them what to do... You can improve at empathizing and listening; it just takes some practice. The more you reflect and clarify, the more you understand the other person's message."
8. They voice their expectations
If you don't tell someone that you expect them to do the dishes, finish a project, or pick you up, how can you be mad when they fail to do so? Whether it's letting their partner know they want them to cook dinner or explaining to friends their own personal boundaries for the friendship, people with high social intelligence do these things differently than everyone else, voicing their expectations.
In some relationships, assuming this kind of behavior might make sense, but there's nothing wrong with "too much" communication. Resentment builds, and relationships crumble because of a lack of communication, so people should never be afraid to say what they want.
9. They're selfless
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Social intelligence is partly about yourself and partly about how you understand others. If you're constantly ignoring other people in an effort to work on yourself, chances are you're going to struggle to build the kind of identity you hope to share with the world.
Helping other people grow is part of the process and incredibly rewarding if you take a step back to appreciate it. That's something the most socially intelligent people understand on a deep level.
10. They tackle lonely feelings head-on
Over half of all Americans in the United States report being lonely in their daily lives. So, regardless of how many social media posts you see of laughing couples and glamorous vacations, chances are you're not the only person feeling alone, isolated, and lonely.
When someone has high social intelligence, they remind themselves that "it's not just you" when they're navigating daily life. They find that they're motivated to compliment a stranger, ask someone on a date, or reach out to an old friend, especially if they know they're also struggling with connection and community.
11. They introduce themselves first
Whether it's practicing "going first" in conversations, getting out of their comfort zones in social settings, or trying to find common ground with someone new, people with high social intelligence do these things differently than everyone else. They're fostering connection for more than just themselves.
The more willing a person is to open up conversations, the more practice they have at cultivating insightful conversations. Even if the other person isn't as invested in the conversation, they're opening up the door to positive energy every time they step out of their home and into a new environment.
12. They respond with 'yes, and...'
Even if you're putting yourself in new situations to build social intelligence — whether it's speed dating events, a Bumble BFF date, or going to a bar by yourself — chances are you're going to have some uncomfortable conversations. But using the "yes, and" approach helps alleviate some of that discomfort.
For those trying to improve their social intelligence, they can ask people about themselves and poke and prod into their answers. People love to talk about themselves, and those who are active listeners and genuinely interested will be the friends, co-workers, and partners others want to keep around.
13. They avoid complaining or gossiping
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Unless you're at home with a close friend or indulging in a much-needed venting session, there's no reason to bring unnecessary drama to a conversation. This is something the most socially intelligent individuals do quite well.
Sometimes, people build entire relationships based on spreading gossip. But to avoid this, people can set a better tone for their relationships so that when they do need to complain, it's worth sharing and discussing.
14. They actively listen
Listening is a key component of high social intelligence. Those with this skill make it a point to give their attention to the person they're speaking with, focusing on what is being said rather than trying to form their own responses.
They actively listen, empathize with other people's stories, and reference things their conversation partner has already said — that's the key to storytelling in discussions. This skill can be learned, so never be afraid to willingly get vulnerable in certain situations.
15. They lead with kindness
Perhaps one of the most important skills that people with social intelligence have is the ability to lead with kindness and show empathy. Whether it's expressing support for a person going through a tough time or being patient and understanding while speaking, people with high social intelligence do these things differently than everyone else.
They know that good karma is powerful, so they're compassionate and genuinely interested in connecting with others. Kindness is powerful — not just in passing conversations but also in building long-term healthy connections.
16. They prioritize their close relationships
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People with good social skills know that the people that fill their inner circle are a reflection of themselves. If they're constantly complaining and gossiping with others, that negative energy will seep into their life.
If a person isn't willing to cultivate a healthy circle of close friends and family, they're effectively self-sabotaging the potential of their life. A person is only a reflection of the people that surround them, so it's important to meet and grow relationships with people who both genuinely love and challenge them to be better.
17. They have a close, supportive inner circle
People should cultivate relationships that push them to dream big, support them through uncomfortable growth, and celebrate their successes — that's how a person builds social intelligence and a better sense of self-awareness.
Hypnotherapist and relationship specialist Nansia Movidi explained, "People in our close circle can affect our behavior and decision-making. They can also provide emotional support during challenging times and celebrate our successes. Having a positive and supportive close circle is crucial for personal growth and development. It can help you achieve your goals and improve your mental health."
18. They admit what they don't know
In a culture that seems to thrive on competition, it can be difficult for people to admit that they're not an expert on something. Whether it's great recipes, the latest and greatest sports team, or the state of a historical overseas conflict, in most cases, it's okay if someone doesn't know something, but it can feel shameful to admit it.
Being confident enough to admit that you don't know something, or even anything, about a subject is empowering. You're opening up space to learn and connect with others.
19. They record and study their speaking
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People with high social intelligence are known to record and study their speaking, like an athlete watching their own film. They might invest in a dream journal or start a new notes app to collect great connections, conversations, or one-liners from debates with friends.
In general, the better you can understand the way you speak and convey ideas, the higher your social intelligence.
20. They lead and don't follow
Whether it's in the workplace or raising their children, a highly socially intelligent person knows that being in a position of leadership can be overwhelming sometimes. But the best kinds of people lead others by helping them grow. They're not insecurely trying to support a sense of superiority or power by bringing other people down.
At the end of the day, the people who have great social intelligence know themselves well and respond to the world around them with kindness, compassion, and love, rather than greed, insecurity, and resentment.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
