People Who Can't Get Their Lives Together Lean On 11 Low-Energy Habits That Drag Them Down
MAYA LAB | ShutterstockWhen you think about the habits that hold people back in their lives, you might think of some that are really extreme and self-destructive. In reality, people who can't get their lives together often have just a few low-energy habits most people probably don't realize are the reason they're such a mess.
Many of these habits are low-key steeped in negativity. They allow fear to subconsciously dominate their plans, even when they have big dreams. In fact, sometimes a subconscious fear of success is what's beneath it all. The problem is, nothing truly great can be accomplished when life is overrun with negativity and fear.
People who can't get their lives together lean on 11 low-energy habits that drag them down
1. They're not grateful, focusing on what they lack
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One trend you often see with people who can't get their lives together is a total lack of gratitude. Or, at least, anything other than very surface-level gratitude.
Falling into the comparison trap is part of being human, but the longer you immerse yourself in the things you're lacking, the less able you are to find gratitude for everything you have. After all, our thoughts are related to metabolic behaviors in our brains, and after a while it becomes easier to just see the negative. It's habit.
Often, these people also hang out with others who lack gratitude, further cementing this habitual way of thinking, draining even more of their energy. Until they break the cycle by consciously deciding to stop letting themselves do this, it'll only get worse.
2. They overlook small wins
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People with low-energy habits tend to set outsized goals that aren't actually accessible, which only sets them up for failure. Setting small goals that they can take step-by-step is a healthier and gentler way to get their lives together. This process also helps people see their progress, helping them build more of a growth mindset.
According to psychologist BJ Fogg, acknowledging progress helps people follow through on their goals. He advocates for the power of celebration to make new habits stick. With any change, staying consistent is hard, and it gets even harder if you ignore your little wins.
Your celebration doesn't have to be extravagant or public; it can be as simple as congratulating yourself or affirming how hard you've been working. Whatever you choose, it should make you feel good and let you revel in your success.
Fogg calls these celebratory activities "feeling shine," as they illuminate how far you've come. Small wins are like pocket-sized glow-ups you can carry with you at all times to remind yourself how amazing you really are.
3. They think they're too busy to follow their dreams
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People who get stuck in life because of bad habits often hold onto the belief that they're too busy to follow their dreams. Often, these people overwork on purpose, to subtly sabotage themselves.
It's not that they don't have dreams, but the idea of trying and failing is too overwhelming to even consider. They make excuses about how busy they are, so they can stay in the relative safety of their worn-out comfort zones.
People who can't get their lives together are scared of discomfort, yet discomfort is actually a sign they're changing for the better. Aside from the fact that being overworked and burned-out can have serious negative effects on your mental and physical health, there will always be an endless list of household chores, work projects, and other unavoidable tasks.
The problem is that putting your dreams aside will only leave you resentful and unfulfilled.
4. They blame everyone else for their problems
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Society's deeply-ingrained structural inequities are undeniable. Life is never truly fair. Yet casting blame everywhere else but themselves holds people back, stopping them from ever getting their lives together. What's sad is this low-energy habit often goes totally unnoticed. It's a tricky cognitive trap.
Healing is a process, one that's far from being linear. When people take responsibility for their own lives, they reclaim their agency in a powerful and transformative way. While it's a challenging process to finally see your role in your destiny, it's well worth the effort.
5. They get caught up in past mistakes
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It's one thing to hold yourself accountable for what you've done wrong, and something else entirely to live in the past and define yourself by your flaws. Often, people who lose track of their life goals are tangled up in a mess of regrets.
There's a delicate balance one must strike in order to truly succeed: you have to be willing to see your role in negative things that happen, and you need to be able to move on from your regrets so they don't drag you down.
As Daniel Pink, author of the best-selling book The Power of Regret, writes, there is a three-step process to get people started turning regrets into progress. They are:
"1. Treat your regrets with kindness rather than contempt. 2. Talk about or write about your regrets to relieve the burden and make sense of them. 3. Take a step back and draw a specific lesson from the regret than you can apply in the future."
Sadly, people who can't seem to get their lives together often don't want to see their mistakes as anything other than contemptible. The moment they allow this reframe, some great things can happen.
6. They avoid hard conversations
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Avoidance is tricky. It might seem like ignoring issues makes life easier, but in reality, all that stress compounds. When it pops back up, it can make problems feel overwhelming, like they're too big to handle.
In relationships, ignored issues often breed resentment, one of the Gottman's Four Horsemen that predicts divorce. In one's personal growth, it can keep them seriously stuck in the past.
When people who can't seem to get their lives together do the hard work of having uncomfortable conversations, they prove to themselves just how capable they are. They let go of the old garbage that kept them feeling heavy and slow and let their life force creep back in.
7. They don't plan ahead
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There's something to be said for spontaneity, but leaving yourself wide open to the whims of an often chaotic world can make you feel like you can't find your center. Unfortunately, that's sometimes why people do it. It keeps them from getting their lives together.
Disorganization leads to missed deadlines, extra stress, and an intense sense of panic and pressure. While you don't have to make a 5-year plan, jotting down daily to-do lists is a simple, accessible approach to planning ahead.
Adulting isn't easy. There will always be things that slip through the cracks, but planning ahead keeps unwanted surprises to a minimum. Cultivating a healthy balance between an "anything goes" attitude and keeping a schedule can help people manage what used to feel completely unmanageable.
8. They multitask
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People with low-energy habits do way too much multitasking. For example, they write their important emails while scrolling through social media and wonder why there are so many typos. They write reports for work while cooking, only to end up with spaghetti sauce splattered all over their essential documents.
They swear they can juggle everything at one time, but according to Anthony Wagner, a psychology professor at Stanford University, multitasking is a myth. "We don't multitask," he said. "We task switch. The word 'multitasking' implies that you can do two or more things at once, but in reality our brains only allow us to do one thing at a time and we have to switch back and forth."
His extensive research has revealed "the negative relationship between multitasking and performance on sustained attention tasks." When people multitask, their attention is divided, so that they don't do a good job on either task.
People who can't seem to get out their lives together would benefit from taking a step back and slowing down. Doing one thing at a time might feel like a drag, but it's a key part of being consistent and actually hitting the mark.
9. They don't take time to rest
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While it might seem counterintuitive, pressing pause is entirely necessary for long-term success, especially when you're overwhelmed by everything you have to get done.
People who struggle to get their lives together let the rushing tide of their to-do lists overtake them. Swimming to shore before the water rises above their heads is a much more sustainable approach.
Pushing through exhaustion only makes fatigue settle in even deeper. Waiting until you're in the throes of extreme burnout makes healing harder than it needs to be.
Resting is more than a productivity boost, it's also a way to show yourself how much you care about yourself. That's what makes going-going-going endlessly into a low-energy habit, when it seems like it's coming from a high-energy place.
10. They stay trapped in unhealthy relationships
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Another habit of people who can't seem to get their lives together is staying trapped in unhealthy relationships. It might not be easy to untangle yourself from someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart, but you deserve to be surrounded by people who lift you up, instead of people who tear you down.
When people don't extricate themselves from these unhealthy situations, they become exhausted by simply existing alongside someone who doesn't treat them well. The drama drains them, and the negativity can be overwhelming. This affects other relationships and can hold people back in their careers, too.
When all your energy goes toward trying to stay afloat in a bad relationship or trying to keep your partner calm or happy, you're not going to be able to get your life together. It's no surprise, then, that people tend to thrive soon after finally leaving a bad relationship.
11. They don't have a daily routine
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Humans thrive on structure, which is one reason why having a roadmap for everyday existence is such a powerful tool. Cultivating a daily routine can nourish people's inner spirit and keep them connected to their deeper purpose, whatever it may be.
Having a daily routine can help stabilize your mental health. A primary routine involves the activities of everyday living, the simple stuff. Secondary routines are about what feeds your soul and body: exercise, meditation, connecting with friends, having a daily salad, etc.
Getting your life together is never an instantaneous, one-time event. It's a process that ebbs and flows. The more you align yourself to your authentic self, the more you'll feel like you're living the life you've always wanted.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
