People Who Can’t Seem To Celebrate Their Friends’ Success Usually Have These 11 Unfortunate Traits
Hellame / ShutterstockWhen we think of jealousy, we likely picture it in romantic relationships. There can be that one partner who checks the other's phone or doesn’t allow them to see their friends. Have you noticed similar behavior in a friend before? It can come across as possessive, but it can also affect how they respond to your wins.
If someone struggles to celebrate their friends’ success, there is likely a deeper reason other than being selfish. Sometimes, jealousy can overtake them. Instead of seeing their friends’ victories as exciting, they view them as competition. They become convinced that if they’re not reaching their goals, no one else should either. This behavior can be exhausting, and it typically comes with some seriously unfortunate traits.
People who can’t seem to celebrate their friends’ success usually have these 11 unfortunate traits
1. They have low self-esteem
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It can be hard to feel good about yourself. People who have been told time and time again that they are not good enough will struggle to see themselves in a positive light. While they fail to accept themselves, they may struggle to embrace others. They tend to have low self-esteem and struggle to see their own wins as such.
Because of their low self-esteem, people like this struggle to celebrate their friends' success. To them, it seems like they will never be successful. When they see their friends achieve things, it reminds them that they will never be enough.
2. They are insecure
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If someone feels uncomfortable in their own skin, they will constantly compare themselves to others. When they make those comparisons, they feel like they come up short. Instead of being happy for their friends’ success, all they can do is try to understand why it didn’t happen to them. They are caught up in their own thoughts, unable to look past them to celebrate. It can be draining for both parties involved.
Insecurity is not an easy trait to live with. The cycle of self-doubt can eat them alive. They want what others have, and they can’t push those thoughts aside when it matters most.
3. They have a limiting mindset
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When someone has a limiting mindset, they view one person’s success as their downfall. Instead of seeing the world as an open playing field where everyone can succeed, they believe others' success takes away from their own. This train of thought takes over every aspect of their lives. Even if they are proud of what their friends have achieved, they will not be able to remove themselves from the situation.
Their success is not on a schedule. However, they believe that it is. If someone beats them to a milestone, they’ll feel like they will never achieve that goal.
4. They are competitive
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We’ve all had that one friend who views everything as a competition. There always needs to be a winner, and they’ll find a way to make sure it’s them who gets the prize. This can come in the way they see others' success. They believe that they should have more achievements than anyone else. Watching someone accomplish personal victories takes away from themselves.
“Competitive friendships can impact one’s self-esteem, making you feel as though you don’t have true friends and, therefore, feel more isolated,” says Dr Esther R. Cole, CPsychol, M.A. “Not fitting in can be an issue, but even if you are more successful and achieve more, you can be punished by a competitive friend and excluded for this through their envy. One can then internalise this to feel even worse about oneself, and self-doubt can creep in, or a belief that you’re in the wrong. You need to ask if this person is a friend or an enemy in disguise: a frenemy.”
5. They may be narcissistic
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Being friends with a narcissist can be seriously draining. It takes away from the positivity that comes with being close to another person. The word ‘toxic’ is often used, but it takes on real meaning when someone is deeply selfish and disregards everything their friends do. You may have gotten a promotion at work or landed a job interview, and the narcissistic friend in your life will be completely unimpressed. Instead, they will find a way to compare themselves to you.
Instead of letting others celebrate your wins, they will try to one-up you. They’ll believe that they do things much better, and while you are recently succeeding, they will convince you and everyone else that they are more successful. It can ruin the feeling of achieving a goal.
6. They lack empathy
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Some psychologists believe we have experienced a loss of empathy in our society. Individuals struggle to put themselves in other people’s shoes. Instead of considering how others may feel, they only care about themselves. This can present itself when someone is proud of their own achievements and gets torn down by others in their lives.
When someone has empathy, they can almost feel others' excitement. While they take on their lowest lows, they also celebrate their wins. A lack of empathy makes it impossible for someone to celebrate others' victories. They likely do not care.
7. They have a tendency to downplay achievements
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Have you met someone who downplayed everything? Whether it was their own achievements or those of others. To them, everything comes easily. Why celebrate something that anyone can pull off? This mindset not only hurts themselves but also others around them.
If you reach an impressive milestone, they will likely turn the other cheek. They have had everything come easily to them, so they are not impressed with what you’ve done. Even if it is something you worked hard for.
8. They are unhappy with their own lives
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When someone feels a deep unhappiness with their own life, it bleeds into how they treat others. Instead of being kind and supportive, they are quick to criticize. Instead of finding joy in what others accomplish, they are quick to make rude remarks. This is because when someone is unhappy, they want to bring others down with them. It’s easier for them to do this than to celebrate their success.
Unhappy people bring others down to make themselves feel better. Instead of lifting them when they are successful, they pull them down.
9. They are negative
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Those who are naturally negative cannot celebrate their friends' success. They bring others down with them. With their pessimistic attitudes, they can’t see the good in anything. Instead, they find happiness in pointing out the bad things. When you come to them with a success story, they will likely find a negative correlation.
Constant exposure to negativity can take its toll on you. Suddenly, you’ll start to believe what they are saying. Your confidence will go down. You may start thinking you didn’t achieve anything at all. This is a toxic cycle that negative people bring into the lives of others.
10. They have a big ego
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Those with an inflated ego are difficult to be around. They are more concerned with themselves than they’ll ever be with those around them. They have an exaggerated sense of self-purpose. They are the center of their universe. You are simply someone in the background.
With the focus always on themselves, they fail to celebrate the success of other people. If it doesn’t directly help them, they couldn’t care less. If your success brings them an opportunity, they will be happy to celebrate. However, victories that do not impact them at all do not matter.
11. They are envious
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Envious people are never able to celebrate their friends' success. They want success so badly that they can’t handle others experiencing it. Instead, they will act almost as bullies. They’ll question your work. Suddenly, your once kind friend is speaking out of character. It’s hurtful, but a sure sign that they are envious of what you have achieved.
“In an effort to flip the power imbalance in their minds, a desperation to upstage their target can drive some folks susceptible to envy to justify relentless scrutiny and bullying behavior. They often seem to wait eagerly and patiently for their target’s humiliating slip-ups, especially public ones, and seize every opportunity to correct and condemn them,” says Araya Baker, M.Phil.Ed.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
