Psychology Says The Ability To Enjoy A Meal Alone In Public Is One Of The Quietest Signs Of Self-Confidence

One of the less-fun parts of being single is dining alone. As a single lady, I could resign myself to eating every meal in bed while watching bizarre Netflix documentaries, but now and then, I like to feel like a human being participating in society, so I force myself to leave my apartment and, yes, eat a meal alone in public.

But here's the kicker: Dining "one top" (as the food industry calls it) is actually not lonesome at all, it's super-awesome. Research found that people with a clear, stable sense of self tend to feel more confident and less rattled by external judgment, even in unfamiliar or ambiguous social situations. 

Being able to sit comfortably alone at a restaurant table is less about being fearless and more about knowing yourself well enough that other people's opinions simply do not carry much weight.

The four reasons enjoying a meal alone in public is one of the quietest signs of self-confidence, according to psychology:

1. People who enjoy a meal alone are confident enough to ask for a table for one

Kateryna Hliznitsova / Unsplash+

Hostesses often try to seat groups of one at the bar, which is basically like announcing to the rest of the restaurant that HELLO, I AM EATING ALONE and SOMEBODY PLEASE TALK TO ME. You're a paying customer; don't be afraid to ask for a table. Bonus: It feels fancier.

Research on solo dining found that people who dine alone comfortably have developed intrinsic confidence, the kind that comes from knowing your own worth rather than needing external validation to feel legitimate.

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2. People who can enjoy a meal alone are confident enough to sit with a book and their own thoughts

Reaching for your journal instead of your phone is a better move than it might seem. Studies have found journaling improves mood, reduces stress, and increases self-awareness, making it one of the simplest mental health tools you can actually do over lunch.

Reading works quite well when you're dining alone, except when you become distracted by other patrons and keep losing your place in the novel. So I started bringing my journal. If I'm extra-lucky, I'll be seated next to people having a fascinating conversation, which I, of course, record in detail, complete with commentary. 

The real jackpot is to be seated next to a first date. Guaranteed entertainment. If writing's not your thing, there's always your iPhone, which has myriad apps (I'm a fan of Words With Friends and Tetris), or turn that journal into a sketchpad and (discreetly) draw the people around you.

3. They are confident enough to take the window seat

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Ask the hostess to sit somewhere where you can gaze out the window. This way, you can people-watch and occupy your thoughts with the goings-on outside the restaurant. 

The self-consciousness of dining alone fades faster than you'd expect, partly because of a well-documented phenomenon. Researchers found that people consistently overestimate how much attention others are paying to them, a bias called the spotlight effect.

I used to get a little self-conscious, feeling like people were looking at sad little me sitting by myself, but I assure you, they're not. As you dine out more often, you'll start to feel less like a sad-faced monkey in a zoo being observed, and more like an independent woman (cue Destiny's Child song in the background), comfortably chillin' on your own — or, as the English say, "on your Larry."

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4. People who enjoy a meal alone are confident enough to order dessert — and eat the whole thing

To reward yourself for a successful solo dining experience, you should at least consider dessert. Or in my case, forego the meal altogether and eat dessert as your meal. You're your own woman, you do what you want. 

Ordering dessert for yourself just because you want it is a quiet form of self-compassion, and studies show that people who practice self-compassion experience less depression, more motivation, greater happiness, and higher overall quality of life.

Oh, and remember to tip well, especially if you plan on becoming a regular. Servers don't relish the idea of serving a one-top (smaller bill = smaller tip), so it goes a long way to securing your spot as a welcomed and well-liked customer (Plus, it's just good etiquette.)

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Sarah Jones is a blogger, illustrator, and fashion designer, and the brilliant mind behind The Spinsterhood Diaries.