If You'd Rather Be Alone Than Fake Being Friends With Someone, You Probably Have These 11 Admirable Traits
Look Studio | ShutterstockBeing connected to other people is one of the most important aspects of life. In fact, friendship, specifically, is essential not only for our own well-being, but for a long life. But it's not about the quantity of these relationships; rather, it's the quality of those connections that matter most. It's possible to have a large group of friends and still feel lonely, because the strength of your relationship with those friends is lacking.
In contrast, if you'd rather be alone than fake being friends with someone, you probably have certain admirable traits. You value authenticity and respect yourself. Even if you only have a few friends, you never have to doubt that they have your back. Whereas fake friends tend to ditch people when someone cooler comes along, you don't need to ever worry about that.
If you'd rather be alone than fake being friends with someone, you probably have these 11 admirable traits
1. You enjoy your own company
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While they might turn down invitations to go out just to spend time by themselves, it's because they have a solid sense of self-reliance, which means they don't need external validation or outside entertainment. They genuinely like being on their own, and they choose solitude over insincere friendships any day.
Someone who would rather be alone than fake being friends with someone knows how to make the most of their "me time." They commit to having hobbies that nourish their spirit, and they fully understand the value of self-care. They know that self-care means more than just bubble baths and face masks, as nice as those things are.
As life coach Ronnie Ann Ryan revealed, "The end goal of self-care is to show yourself love... When you take time just for yourself, you are demonstrating self-love." True-self care is about finding happiness in who you are, which is exactly what people do when they spend time alone rather than with fake friends.
2. You're authentic
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If you'd rather be alone than fake being friends with someone, you probably are incredibly authentic, which is not only admirable, but seems to be rare nowadays. For authentic individuals, they place major emphasis on finding friends that they connect to on a soul level.
They avoid any hint of superficiality, which means they seek out relationships built on depth. They don't want to talk about the weather or hear the latest gossip on the PTA moms at their kid's school. Instead, they want friends who dive deep, rather than stay on the surface level.
According to psychiatrist Dr. Murray Bowen, having a "person to person relationship" is an important avenue for growth. These relationships are based on having an intimate emotional connection where you can talk about your beliefs and life experiences, instead of focusing the conversation on impersonal topics or other people you know.
Someone who would rather be alone than fake being friends with someone wants to hear about your deepest fears, your biggest dreams, all the things that make you who you are. They don't have any interest in being superficial, which is why they'd choose solitude over having fake friends any day.
3. You're highly empathetic
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Because people like this are highly attuned to their own emotions and other people's emotions, they sense when someone is being insincere. If this is something you can relate to, you likely also would prefer being alone than spending time with fake friends.
Clinical social worker Lyssa deHart defined empathy as "the ability to feel compassion for others in relation to their own experiences." She noted that having empathy "allows you access to the other person's emotional landscape."
As she further explained, empathy is a necessary component to holding onto any kind of relationship, explaining that "Valuing the people around you is important to maintaining your support system, as relationships don't generally work out when they're one-sided."
4. You're self-aware
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Self-aware know themselves deeply, which makes fake friendships feel intolerable. They have a deep understanding of what's important to them and they build friendships around those values. They know what makes them feel good, and they don't waste time or energy on fake friends who put them down and make them feel inferior.
Their self-awareness is rooted in having a positive sense of self-worth. They're not starving for attention and they won't settle for crumbs. They believe they're worthy of true love and care, which is why they'd rather be alone than keep fake friends around them.
5. You respect yourself
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Having a strong sense of self-respect means they don't let other people treat them poorly just because those people pretend to be their friends. While someone with a lack of self-respect devotes their energy to people who don't actually make them feel fulfilled, someone who respects themselves knows there's no point to staying in a relationship if it doesn't lift them up and nourish them.
Their deep and abiding self-respect means they hold their friends to high standards — not in a pretentious way, but in a way that's centered on mutual trust and care. They're loyal and loving to their true friends, but they'd choose to be alone rather than spend time fake people.
6. You're highly emotionally intelligent
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People with high emotional intelligence are able to recognize and express how they feel, which gives them the social skills they need to connect with others. They tend to steer clear of befriending people with low levels of emotional intelligence, because they value deep connections over shallow friendships.
Psychologist Nick Wignall explained that having high emotional intelligence requires people to let go of their unrealistic expectations, especially when those expectations are focused on other people. "Unrealistic expectations are a misguided attempt to control other people," he revealed.
Wignall advised people to "Let go of your expectations. Stop creating stories about what you want for other people. And instead, just be present for the person they are... Meet them where they are instead of where you want them to be."
7. You set strong boundaries
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According to Wignall, having healthy boundaries goes beyond just stating what your boundaries are; it also involves holding people accountable when they ignore the personal limits you've established. Failing to enforce boundaries just teaches people not to respect them. "It's essential to be clear when you set your boundaries, and consistent in your enforcement of them, it's really helpful if you reward people for respecting them," he noted.
If you'd rather be alone than fake being friends with someone, you probably have these admirable traits and don't let anyone violate your boundaries. Fake, bad friends often ignore how someone wants to be treated, which is why people who would rather be alone than be around them.
8. You're introspective
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Self-reflective people aren't scared to take a long, hard look at themselves in order to know themselves better. They're introspective, which means they think about how they feel and what they want out of life. Because they spend a lot of time considering their inner world, they have a level of insight that other people lack.
Their deep introspection allows them to clearly define how they want to show up in relationships and how they want to be treated. As a result, they require people in their lives to meet their emotional needs, which fake friends usually can't do.
9. You protect your energy
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People who protect their energy know which social interactions give them life and which ones are draining. They don't like to be around people who take more than they give or friends who use them as an emotional dumping ground for all their problems.
They're highly attuned to what brings them joy and they avoid environments that don't provide the energy they're seeking. They protect their inner peace by avoiding fake friends, and they'd rather be alone than compromise what makes them feel their best.
10. You're independent
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Whether it's relying on themselves for entertainment or not needing to be around another person to feel comfortable, if you'd rather be alone than fake being friends with someone, you probably have these admirable traits. People like this are incredibly independent, and they don't need a social circle of fake friends to make them feel validated for even a moment.
According to research published in Current Directions in Psychological Science, our social circles are layered. It's normal for people to have 15 good people they rely on, but only around 5 people they consider their closest circle. So, it makes sense that these individuals remain highly independent with a small social circle of strong connections.
11. You're emotionally mature
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Rather than force false relationships with others, these people don't mind accepting temporary loneliness or being with themselves for a large chunk of time. They're emotionally mature, meaning they can manage their emotions and life stressors in productive and healthy ways.
Emotional maturity plays a big part in relationships of all kinds, especially in friendships. As a study published in Current Opinion in Psychology explained, emotional maturity helps us resolve problems with others and enter into relationships that are secure and satisfying. These individuals know they won't be able to maintain a friendship with someone fake, and they're perfectly fine with that.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
