5 Simple Ways To Make Your Life Feel Better When Literally Nothing Feels Right
Timothy Barlin | UnsplashHave you ever called someone a phony, or even felt like one? Most of us have, because consciously or unconsciously, we all tend to respect the value of being authentic. Knowing how to be yourself and model authenticity is like any high-level skill; it is a disciplined art form mastered through patience, learning, and practice, practice, practice. Nurturing authenticity is also the best way to make your life feel better when nothing feels right.
The definition of being authentic is being "true to one's own personality, spirit, or character." It is a synonym for genuine, which is defined as "Truly what something is said to be." While being your authentic self is about being truthful, that doesn't necessarily mean spilling your guts. This isn't about blurting out what you are thinking at any given moment.
That type of behavior should have stopped when you were four years old, and you told Uncle Arthur how funny he looked without hair on his head. Openness and honesty are important qualities of a person, but being authentic is not about giving your opinion "in the raw", nor telling someone your opinion (even if you are right) unless they ask first.
Becoming self-aware is a long and deep process. It means looking at the beliefs and values that were given to you as a child from your family and your culture, and deciding what is outdated. It takes courage and determination to go against the tide, speak up, and stay steady when you are told to behave, be good, or be quiet.
Here are 5 simple ways to make your life feel better when nothing feels right:
1. Know what you value and want
Take the time to go off alone and sit with your thoughts. Look at what brings you joy and what you are doing merely to please others. It is fine to please others, so long as it is not at the expense of your own moral code of ethics.
One study tracked people's daily experiences and found something interesting about values: Those who actually fulfilled their self-direction values each day reported more positivity the next day, showing that actually living according to your values matters more than just knowing what they are.
2. Keep an open mind
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Be able to ask questions rather than just give opinions. Read, research, and explore opposite ideas before you become too attached to your own perspective.
People with greater intellectual humility tend to be more willing to learn about differing perspectives because they recognize their own limitations, researchers have concluded. They're also more likely to care about the wellness of others since they don't walk around assuming they already have all the answers.
3. Listen with empathy for different experiences
Remember that all life is interactive. When you see the way to hold out your hand to others, no matter how different they are from you, there is always something helpful to learn.
When strangers had conversations with each other, something simple made a big difference in how connected they felt. According to one study, listening behaviors like asking thoughtful follow-up questions created faster response times and stronger social connections because they showed genuine interest in understanding the other person.
4. Stop trying to live up to standards set by others
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Make sure you are not copying the mannerisms and words of someone else to keep you looking good or to help you fit in. Find your own way of expressing yourself. Dress to make yourself happy and go on vacations that are not "the right place to go" unless you really want to go there. The 'it' spot is not right for everyone!
One study looked at over 36,000 participants and found a clear link between authenticity and day-to-day health. People who act according to their own values instead of constantly trying to please others or meet external expectations experience a greater sense of life balance and happiness.
5. Embrace discomfort
You don't have to indulge in talking about yourself; however, admit if something makes you feel awkward or scared. You will be loved for your candor.
There's something called the disclosure reciprocity effect that happens when you share vulnerable emotions with someone. They tend to open up more to you in return, and studies have shown that people who conceal difficult feelings experience higher depression and anxiety, while those who share vulnerabilities build deeper intimacy in their relationships.
There is a book from forever ago called, When I Am Old I Will Wear Purple, and the best sentence for me is, "I will sit on the sidewalk eating watermelon and spit the seeds in the street."
That may not be your version of authenticity. Think about it. What will you do to make your life feel better? What will you do to break out of the mold around you and be free to be who you really want to be? Ah, authenticity. It feels good just to think about it.
Dr. Sylvia Lafair, Ph.D., is the CEO and is an accomplished change management expert and executive coach with over 35 years of experience.
