Start Saying No To These 11 Things If You Feel Stuck In An Unhappy Life
Mangostar | ShutterstockIf you often feel like you're stuck in an unhappy life, it's possible you've been saying "yes" too much. After all, we spend a significant portion of our lives doing what we're supposed to do, like work, parenting, household chores and taking care of extended family. There's little time in between to truly enjoy ourselves.
We're accustomed to saying "yes," often because we're afraid of disappointing others. But in the end, agreeing to everything can make us feel depleted and resentful, and that's not good for you or your relationships.
Start saying no to these 11 things if you feel stuck in an unhappy life
1. Spending time with fake friends
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It's scientifically proven that socializing is good for our physical and mental health. Having friends makes people feel like their lives are more satisfying, while lowering their risk of depression and decreasing the likelihood of premature mortality.
As important as it is to cultivate friendships, there are certain friends who drain our energy instead of lifting our spirits, like the ones who constantly complain or don't show up when we're in need.
A 2023 study established that the quality of friendships predicts well-being throughout a person's life, especially for one particular age group. Friendship quality at 30 years old predicts the well-being of people at age 50, meaning that having high-quality friends can keep you healthier later in life.
Saying "no" to imbalanced friendships and focusing on the people who truly nourish you will boost your well-being and help you feel less stuck in a happy life.
2. Overworking yourself
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Having a job is a hallmark of adulthood. While work can provide us with a sense of purpose, spending too much time working is a direct path to high stress, lower life satisfaction, and inevitable burnout.
Getting ahead in your career requires focus and dedication, but saying "yes" to every project that comes your way can make you feel stuck.
According to the aptly-named American Institute of Stress, 83% of employees in the U.S. report experiencing daily workplace stress, and 76% say that stress affects their personal relationships.
Setting clear boundaries in the workplace can lower your immediate stress levels and reduce your risk of burning out along the way. Say "no" to working more than you should. Don't check your email after you clock out. Wait until the following workday to respond to messages. Give yourself a mental break from the daily grind and take note of how much better you feel.
3. Devoting all your energy to others
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You can't drive a car with an empty gas tank and you can't pour from an empty cup. If you're the kind of person who extends themselves and gives until they're exhausted, try saying "no" and taking time for yourself.
It's always nice to be in service to people in your community, but overextending yourself will only make you feel off-kilter. Leaning out when you need to recharge can ease your stress and lead you toward a more balanced life.
True self-care can replenish your energy, helping you find your inner peace, which you absolutely deserve. If you don't prioritize it, you'll often feel stuck, even when you deserve so much more.
4. Buying unnecessary items
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It can be tempting to buy into the latest trends, saying "yes" to your favorite influencer's outfit of the day. But the dopamine rush wears off quickly, and then you're left with a pile of barely-worn crop tops or too-short board shorts at the bottom of your closet.
According to a United Nations report from 2019, the average consumer bought 60% more articles of clothing than they did 15 years earlier, and each item was kept for half as long. Overconsumption is also a major global issue. Fast fashion is the world's second largest consumer of water and it accounts for 10% of worldwide emissions.
Instead of obsessively shopping online, try shopping your closet and recycling your wardrobe. Saying "no" to buying more stuff will save you money. Using what you already have in the house can spark your creativity and help you declutter your living space, which leads to peace of mind.
5. Staying stuck in your routine
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There are proven physical and mental health benefits to having an established routine. For example, maintaining a steady sleep schedule helps you get a good night's rest, which, in turn, can help you manage stress and anxiety. Carving out time to move your body a little bit every day keeps you healthy in mind, body, and mood, whether it's walking your dog around the block or dancing to your favorite song in the kitchen.
As stabilizing as it is to live by a schedule, it's also possible to get bogged down in your daily routine, which can create a sense of boredom and general malaise. You don't have to upend all your plans, but trying something new a few times a week will help you shake things up and bring a little adventure into your life. This can help you get unstuck from what feels like an unhappy life.
6. Avoiding hard tasks
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It's totally normal and almost expected to put certain things off. After all, watching TV is more enjoyable than cleaning the bathroom, and doing literally any activity is more pleasant than making important phone calls and scheduling appointments.
According to a study published by the American Psychological Association, task avoidance leads to feelings of failure, which leads to further task avoidance. This goes on and on until the end of time, while your mail piles up and your bathroom is still dirty.
So, say "no" to ignoring the tough chores and pieces of life administration you'd rather not do, and dive right in. Try writing a list of what you need to accomplish and cross one item off each day. Future you will thank you for it.
7. Abandoning your dreams
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As we get older, it's easy to stop dreaming. We tend to overlook our imaginations in order to pay closer attention to our reality. While tending to the life we have is the practical thing to do, denying ourselves the opportunity for wonder and awe is, well, boring.
You might not be a rockstar, but you can pick up your guitar and play just for fun. You can do art projects just because they bring you joy. You can learn a new sport or teach yourself to cook new recipes. You can even learn to do your own home repairs, but only if it feels like fun, not a chore.
Give yourself time for small, daily joys, and you'll feel happier sooner than you think. You just need to get unstuck.
8. Skipping meals
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We've all been taught that eating a balanced diet is good for us, yet many people report being too busy to fit in three square meals a day, despite the health risks associated with skipping meals.
The Journal of the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics reported that around 40% of Americans skip meals. Among people between the ages of 20 and 74, at least one in five said they skip breakfast or lunch.
Not eating consistently makes people more tired than usual, causes their blood sugar levels to spike, and interferes with their metabolism. Say "no" to being hangry. Do yourself, and everyone around you, the distinct favor of making sure you eat. You'll be surprised how much more happiness you create.
9. Ignoring your body's messages
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Along with the idea that being well-nourished is a crucial part of having a healthy, happy life, listening to other messages your body sends is equally as important. That means listening when your body says to slow down, get a little extra sleep or take a little walk.
It's entirely normalized to push through exhaustion and avoid taking care of ourselves in basic ways, yet doing so depletes our energy until we crash and burn, keeping us stuck in an unhappy life. Stop avoiding what your body says and rest when you need to, so that you can replenish yourself and live your life to the fullest.
10. Being too busy
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It's easy to get lost in the chaos of the day to day, whether you're a parent in charge of carpool rides or a student buried in homework. Even CEOs with personal assistants can start feeling stuck if they're not saying no enough.
Taking time away from what needs to get done is a great way to realign yourself to your life's true purpose. Sure, there may be dishes in the sink and laundry in the hamper, but there's also fresh air and sunshine and soft grass to bury your bare feet in.
Don't go to social events you'd rather not attend. Turn down invitations to dinner parties, so you can read a book or take a bath or just do nothing at all. Saying "yes" can open the door to new opportunities and new perspectives, but then again, so can saying "no."
11. Being what others think you should be
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People who care about us often think they know better than we do when it comes to who and how we should be. When these expectations start to feel oppressive or exhausting, it's time to start saying no.
As easy as it seems like it should be, anyone who has been stuck in these expectations know it's not so simple. But if you feel like your life is becoming increasingly unhappy, it's probably time to do the work to set that boundary.
Sometimes we're afraid of breaking the habit of people-pleasing because it served us well as children. As therapist and best-selling author Terrence Real explains, some of our unhealthy habits come from adaptations we made as kids to deal with unstable or insecure relationships. He calls this the "adaptive child" and explains that we can recognize and respect these adaptations while also saying, "No thanks, I don't need this anymore."
So, if you're feeling stuck and unhappy, start saying no, even if it's to yourself. You deserve better.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
