10 Things You Learn The Hard Way In Your 20s That Make Your 50s Feel Easy
LOOK | CanvaAs I’ve grown and changed throughout my life, I’ve recalled many valuable lessons. My twenties taught me many lessons the hard way, and I hope to carry them into my 50s. Research has found that people in their 20s are likely to feel the lowest satisfaction with their lives.
If you’re in your twenties and trying to learn your own lessons in life, be open to following some advice. There are some things you’ll continue to learn and grow, so your 50s will feel much easier.
Here are things you learn the hard way in your 20s that make your 50s feel easy:
1. Pain is valid
Life is thorny, and life’s pain may be difficult for others to understand. Some people may think that we don’t have the right to break down, even though our pain is killing us inside.
But we need to remember that no matter what other people say about how we react to our emotional pain, our distress is valid. And in turn, we need to remember that no matter how dramatic everyone else’s heartbreak may seem, their pain is valid, too.
2. Love finds reasons
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Our hearts react with love for a reason, so we should always find ways to share our love with others. No matter how others break our hearts, we shouldn’t give up on expressing our love, even when it seems irrational. Our love will heal us and those around us, too.
Psychologist Dr. Wendy Lion explained, "Write about your ideal relationship in a journal. What would a perfect day together entail? How would you feel around your new partner? What are some things you’d say to each other and do together? What else would be important to you in this new relationship? Remember, you can keep your dream of love, and it will be better with someone who is a better match for you."
3. There is beauty in the broken
We may see ourselves as broken, but even in our brokenness, we are beautiful. Even shards of broken glass can gleam, and we’re the same way, as we are gleaming with rays of hope.
"Some moments might feel like gloom and doom when you're surrounded by ugliness, such as a pandemic, racial unrest, and political turmoil," psychologist Elayne Daniels, Ph.D., emphasized. "Self-compassion to the rescue! It integrates mindfulness, empathy, and kindness toward yourself in an attempt to pre-empt your suffering."
4. The best things in life don’t come easily
It’s natural to feel discouraged when we face rejection, but we should never give up on our dreams. After all, 12 publishers rejected J.K Rowling’s original Harry Potter manuscript, but her series soon became an international phenomenon.
Acclaimed American novelist Jack London received over 600 rejections before he sold his first story. Our greatest successes come after our harshest failures, as long as we’re willing to learn from our mistakes and try again.
5. Don’t beg for love
It’s tempting to chase after people who we know will never love us back. But if we learn one thing in this life, it’s that we need to stop giving our hearts to people who aren’t ready to love us. When we let go of the people who will never provide us with happiness, we’ll feel free, and our hearts will remain open to true love.
Marriage counselors Katie and Gay Hendricks suggested, "Self-love releases deeper and deeper opportunities for self-acceptance within us. We spend years running from the unlovable parts of ourselves, but if we learn to confront and embrace them, enormous shifts can happen — and very quickly. Once you start practicing self-love and self-acceptance, you'll create the right conditions for love to find you."
6. Time heals all wounds
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Life breaks our hearts, but it also allows us to stitch our hearts back together. Healing only comes with time, but welcoming our pain as it comes will help us mend our emotional wounds.
"To radically accept is a conscious decision to embrace your immediate reality as it is," explained couples counselor Reta Faye Walker. "This means each time an image of how it should/could be arises, you gently delete it in favor of your present reality. This attitude releases you from victimhood and decreases the emotional charge of your triggers, and brings a level of peace."
7. Let go and move forward
Although it’s scary, we should let go of our fears and break free from our comfort zones. Once we let go of our fears, we can move forward into genuine happiness.
Life coach Stephanie Lazzarra advised, "You can acknowledge the inner voice that wants you to stay safe and for things to just stay the same. Listen to the fears and doubts, then thank your inner critic for trying to keep you safe. With this new awareness, you can move through the fear slowly with small action steps while you learn to quiet your inner critic at the same time."
8. Love is all around
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When we stop searching so desperately for love, it will find us. After all, love is all around us, and it comes to us freely.
"Those self-help books are right about some things," explained relationship coach R. Yosef. "You should find happiness within yourself. You should have a passion that fulfills you. You should be complete and whole, since someone else will never complete you."
9. Forgive with an open heart
Forgiveness paves the way for a more beautiful, fulfilling life. When we forgive, we can let go of our pain and open our hearts to the power of love and acceptance.
Confidence coach Archanna Shyam suggested, "Forgiveness can help us let go of the emotional baggage we carry and bring back the pieces of ourselves we leave behind with every unpleasant experience we have gone through. So basically, you claim back whatever you left behind and release what is no longer yours. "
10. Live with gratitude
No matter how hard your life is, be thankful for everything you have. Find little things to be grateful for, from your spiritual relationships to your first cup of coffee each morning. Most importantly, we should give thanks for the love we receive and the people who touch our lives.
Bea C. Pilotin is a writer who focuses on self-care, self-love, and health and wellness.
