If These 11 Things Make You Lose Respect For Someone Instantly, You Likely Have Strong Internal Standards
Sofiia Sydor | ShutterstockRespect is tied to empathy and dignity. If someone is actively sabotaging your dignity, putting your well-being at risk, and manipulating you to make their own lives easier and more comfortable, they're disrespecting you. They're sabotaging the relationships that are supposed to be adding value to your life, so of course you're going to lose respect for them.
Everyone has their own expectations for loved ones and their own definitions of what "respect" really means. However, if these certain things make you lose respect for someone instantly, you likely have strong internal standards. You don't tolerate misbehavior or consistent disrespect, and your relationships and general well-being are better off because of it.
If these 11 things make you lose respect for someone instantly, you likely have strong internal standards
1. Lying
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According to a study shared by the University of Notre Dame, lies tend to snowball over time. The more someone lies, even if it's little white lies, the more their brain becomes comfortable with the behavior. At first, there are feelings of negativity and guilt, but the more they do it, the easier it becomes. So, beware of people who are constantly shifting narratives and offering little white lies — they're more harmful than they seem.
Not only is this behavior manipulative, but it's also disrespectful. You're withholding information, manipulating people's realities, and sabotaging the trust that lies at the foundation of healthy relationships. So, if these things make you lose respect for someone instantly, you likely have strong internal standards.
2. Talking negatively behind people's backs
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Of course, there's nothing wrong with seeking support about a relationship issue from friends or talking about people behind their backs, but if you're spreading rumors, crafting unnecessary drama, or making fun of someone, that's a different story. It's not only disrespectful to make fun of people and to poke fun when they're not around, but it's also emotionally immature.
So, if these behaviors make you lose respect for someone instantly, you likely have strong internal standards and protect your energy by avoiding drama-filled relationships and gossipy friends.
3. Consistently interrupting in conversations
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Interruptions are common for a variety of reasons, some of which are entirely unintentional. However, if someone's been reminded of the harm of interrupting and makes no personal changes, that's inherently disrespectful. They're not only making people feel insecure and unheard in conversations, but they're also shifting attention constantly toward themselves — disrespecting the people and voices around them.
If these kinds of interruptions, often intentional in the face of narcissism and controlling behaviors, make you lose respect for someone instantly, you likely have strong internal standards. You're not interested in tolerating misbehavior to protect the peace, especially if it comes at the expense of your own personal voice and well-being.
4. Chronic lateness and inconsistency
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While many people today frame their chronic lateness as a quirky personality trait, it's actually incredibly disrespectful to others. It's a clear message that you don't respect your commitments and other people's time, even if it feels like it's "not a big deal" in the moment.
If someone's chronic lateness and inconsistency make you lose respect for someone, or at the very least, create space for you in a relationship, you likely have strong internal standards. You care about protecting your relationships and personal energy, and if someone else doesn't reciprocate that intentionality, they're not worth keeping around.
5. Performative empathy
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While leading with empathy and forming connections around compassion can add a lot of joy and value to our lives, performing it for the sake of receiving something in return only shifts these relationships in a transactional, draining way. However, chronically disrespectful, manipulative people often turn on "performative empathy" and kindness when they want something.
They aren't kind to people if nobody else is around, and unless they know they're going to get something from someone for being nice, they're not. Truly empathetic people with strong internal standards are kind to everyone and often express respect, even when it's uncomfortable. They're not weaponizing kindness for personal gain.
6. Disguising their cruelty as 'honesty'
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People who use phrases like "it was just a joke" or "I'm just brutally honest" are desperately trying to disguise their cruelty as palatable. They want an "out" to escape taking accountability when they hurt other people's feelings to protect their own self-image, even if it's inherently disrespectful to others.
If you notice these defensive tactics and insecure behaviors and lose respect, you have strong internal standards, but chances are you also simultaneously protect yourself from being drained by subtly manipulative people.
7. Refusing to reflect or change
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According to a study from Psychological Science, seeking discomfort is often tied to personal growth. The more comfortable you are stepping out of your comfort zone, the more accepting you are of personal change and navigating challenges, often in ways that prompt personal development.
However, if someone refuses to change in favor of their own comfort, even when their relationship, friends, or workplace demands a shift in their behavior, that's a sign that they care more about themselves than respect for others. And if you notice these things and instantly lose respect, you have high moral standards.
8. Trying to control others
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According to licensed clinical psychologist David Schnarch, people who have little control over themselves, whether due to a lack of emotional intelligence or self-esteem, often rely on controlling others for a sense of comfort and security. They weaponize other people's insecurities and manipulate to feel secure in their superiority, even if it comes at the expense of well-being in relationships.
Even if their weaponization of power, control, status, and even guilt is easily overlooked in the face of their charisma, if these things make you lose respect for someone, you likely have strong internal standards.
9. Blaming others for their mistakes
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If you have little tolerance for people who refuse to take accountability and apologize, chances are you have strong internal standards. You don't tolerate defensiveness or deflection, especially for someone who should be open about growing and supporting in your relationships.
Whether it's expecting other people to place success in their laps and fix their problems for them, or running away from conversations about a mistake they made in a relationship, it's a clear sign of someone's lack of emotional intelligence.
10. Weaponizing ignorance or incompetence
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When someone weaponizes their ignorance, they play "dumb" to avoid taking on tasks, contributing to conversations, and acknowledging when the people around them are upset. They would prefer to deflect and pretend they don't understand, rather than sacrifice their constant comfort and security. If they weaponize incompetence, they pretend they don't understand something or can't do it to shift responsibility onto others.
Both of these behaviors are often tied to emotional immaturity — people who refuse to learn, grow, and take accountability in their lives. If these things make you lose respect for someone instantly, especially in contrast to your personal goals and discipline, you likely have strong internal standards.
11. Publicly embarrassing people
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Even if it seems silly, shaming and embarrassing people is powerful. Shame is an incredibly powerful emotion that not only has the power to chip away at self-esteem but can also shift relationships and change people's lives.
Whether it's making jokes at someone's expense to get a laugh or trying to control someone by weaponizing their insecurities, these are things that make a truly high-standard person lose respect immediately.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
