5 Things People Who Naturally Set The Tone Do That Make Others Pay Attention
AYO Production | ShutterstockA common complaint I hear from women working in Corporate America is that their ideas, their opinions, and their input are rarely heard and applied. It can be incredibly frustrating to dedicate your time and energy to your work, to give serious thought to how to improve the company, and then not be able to convey or implement those brilliant ideas.
And, let’s face it, even if you’re not a working woman who wants to force change up through the ranks, we all deal with this issue at home, whether it be with our spouses, our children, or anyone else, for that matter. If you find yourself repeating points over and over again, or constantly bringing up the same topic, check out these tips for how to naturally set the tone of the room and have your voice heard once and for all.
Here are 5 things people who set the tone do that make others pay attention:
1. They choose when to speak
When you want to be heard, you first need to listen and choose when to speak. Take time to understand what the person you are trying to communicate with is thinking and feeling. Does their body language reveal that they are open or preoccupied? Are they speaking quickly and constantly, or are they in a more respectful state? Is the energy stressful or calm? Presenting your ideas when the listener is in a calm, open, and focused state is key.
Communication experts have found that body language reveals whether someone is truly ready to hear what you have to say. People display "open" postures when they're receptive, like uncrossed limbs and relaxed shoulders, and "closed" postures when they're defensive or distracted, like crossed arms and avoiding eye contact.
2. They listen first — then they lead
Mizuno K / Pexels
If the listener is never in a place where they are receptive, or if you can’t wait for that time to come, you can help them get there. Listen to the point they are trying to make. Repeat back to them (in your own words) what you hear them saying. Validate how they feel is understandable. This will allow them to clear whatever stressful thoughts are running through their minds so they can be more focused on your words next.
Studies on active listening confirm that when you repeat back what someone says in your own words, it validates their feelings and helps them feel understood. This simple paraphrasing technique clears the mental clutter blocking them from hearing you and makes them far more receptive to whatever you need to communicate next.
3. They're aware of their tone
How you say something is even more important than what you say. Speak confidently, clearly, and concisely. The quicker and more direct you can be, the more likely you are to be heard. Of course, don’t confuse directness with being harsh. If you’re addressing a sensitive topic, bringing it up in a constructive manner will go over much better than criticizing or complaining.
Scientists studying workplace communication discovered that tone of voice dramatically shapes how messages land. The same words delivered with different tones can trigger completely different reactions, which is why speaking clearly and directly while staying constructive makes you significantly more likely to be heard.
4. They request feedback
Monstera Production / Pexels
When you are finished, ask the listener for an opinion about what you’ve said. Make it an open-ended question so they are forced to answer with more than "yes" or "uh-huh". You might say, "What is your biggest concern with that approach?" If they can’t answer right away, they may not have been completely paying attention, and you’ll need to repeat. But, at least you’ll know for sure they’ve heard you the second time because now they are on the hook to reply.
Research on engagement shows that open-ended questions force people to think more deeply about what you've said instead of offering a quick nod. Asking for specific feedback reveals whether they truly understood your message and gives you the chance to clarify anything they missed.
5. They remain receptive
Listen to whatever points other people are making, respect their thoughts, and remember what they say. As with anything in life, you get back what you put out there. If you want people to "hear" you, you need to "hear" them.
A study found that social influence works both ways. People are far more likely to listen to you when you've genuinely listened to them first because reciprocity in communication is actually hardwired into how humans connect.
By choosing the appropriate time to speak, speaking clearly, requesting validation, and remaining a good listener, you’ll have people remembering your words in no time. Now, agreeing with them may be another story.
Crystal Kulpcavage is a Life and Leadership Coach, Career and Business Consultant, Speaker, Energy Healer, and the founder of A Sense of Purpose.
