11 Things People With Zero Social Skills Do That Make Them Seem Mean When They're Really Just Pretty Awkward
Aloha Hawaii | ShutterstockHaving good social skills is essential in getting anywhere in life. Whether it's moving up the corporate ladder, improving relationships, or trying to make new friends, the ability to socialize helps us develop confidence and build emotional intelligence. But when someone doesn't possess these skills, it can create some uncomfortable situations, along with loneliness and stress.
Not making eye contact, making silences worse, oversharing — these are all things people with zero social skills do that make them seem mean when they're really just pretty awkward. It's easy for others to misconstrue their intentions when they don't abide by social norms, and that can make it difficult to connect with people on a deeper level.
Here are 11 things people with zero social skills do that make them seem mean when they're really just pretty awkward
1. They refuse to make eye contact
voronaman | Shutterstock
Not making eye contact with others makes a person look unconfident, fearful, and anxious. And according to a 2021 study, socially anxious people fear making direct eye contact. Additional research from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology explained that people who possess confident body language (commanding voice, good posture, and expansive body language, for example) are more likely to appear competent compared to others.
But refusing to make eye contact is one of the things people with zero social skills do that make them seem mean when they're really just pretty awkward. They tend to come off as incompetent due to their inability to do this, but it's best for them to work at pushing past their discomfort in social situations and make an effort to look a person in the eyes when speaking.
2. They have bad timing
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock
Timing is important in conversations, as interrupting or talking over others can come off as rude and dismissive. Most people hate being talked over because it can make them feel insignificant or lose their train of thought. Unfortunately, when a person has zero social skills, they don't quite understand this and tend to have poor timing, meaning they may unintentionally talk over others.
According to career coach Marty Nemko, interrupting can cause tension and disrupt the flow of information, making someone appear egotistical. And the last thing someone lacking proper social skills wants is for others to perceive them incorrectly.
3. They zone out instead of listening
BongkarnGraphic | Shutterstock
It's a common misconception that good social skills only involve talking, but another essential aspect of this include understanding and listening. But for people without certain social skills, they don't tend to listen to what another person is saying, all because they may find the topic boring or unimportant.
When someone actively shows they're not listening, people assume they don't care. And this can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications. According to research published in PLOS One, feeling heard is a crucial part of socialization, so for someone lacking those skills, they may make others feel dismissed.
4. They don't understand sarcasm
fizkes | Shutterstock
People who don't understand sarcasm unintentionally make situations awkward, though they may come off as mean. The sarcasm is lost on them, leading them to interject and ask uncomfortable questions. And though the inability to understand sarcasm can be related to warning signs of brain disease, in this case, it's simply because certain people don't have the proper social skills.
They may ask things like, "What do you mean by that?" as they don't understand that the other person is making comments in jest. Unfortunately, this puts someone in an uncomfortable position where they then have to explain their joke, essentially ruining the humor. They may make the other person feel bad, wondering if their innocent joke offended someone.
5. They make awkward silences worse
Crime Art | Shutterstock
Awkward silences are, well... awkward, to say the least. They're incredibly uncomfortable and create tense social situations. But in the eyes of someone with zero social skills who comes off as a bit mean, they don't quite see a problem with this.
They don't understand that prolonged silence leads to uncertainty on where to take the conversation next. This makes the person they're conversing with feel anxious and unsure. A 2023 study determined that while prolonged gaps in conversation are great among friends, it's less than ideal among strangers, who tend to find prolonged silence awkward and are eager to change topics.
People who lack social skills may not feel uncomfortable during those awkward silences, but part of having social awareness is making sure the people around you are at ease. There's nothing wrong with tense silences if socializing breaks up the pauses, but this isn't exactly a skill that can be learned overnight.
6. They lack basic etiquette
MDV Edwards | Shutterstock
There are certain unspoken rules of social etiquette. For instance, shake someone's hand and introduce yourself, or smile and make eye contact. Unfortunately, basic etiquette and rules are things people with zero social skills do that make them seem mean when they're really just pretty awkward.
Instead of politely introducing themselves, they might go right into a conversation, with no preamble or introduction. They may also interrupt someone speaking, interject with rude comments, or derail a conversation for no apparent reason.
Understandably, this can throw people off and make them uncomfortable, causing them to perceive the person as rude and classless. Their first impression comes off poorly, which can affect their ability to make friends.
7. They struggle to show empathy
Pheelings media | Shutterstock
When someone lacks social skills, they don't know how to respond when they're met with emotions. They're unsure how to comfort others, and due to their discomfort, don't show empathy toward others.
While they don't necessarily do this on purpose, lacking empathy can make a person come off as cold and uncaring. It can also make other people feel dismissed, and that their emotional well-being isn't a priority.
For people witnessing the lack of empathy, it shows a clear sign of disconnect and feelings of rejection, which brings forth feelings of hurt, as a study published in Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience pointed out.
8. They overshare
Josep Suria | Shutterstock
While people with social skills don't want to scare others away or make them feel uncomfortable, that's exactly what someone who lacks those same skills does when choosing to overshare instead of keeping it surface-level. It's not just uncomfortable for bystanders, but perplexing as well.
Most people don't like vulnerability, or talking about their feelings or trauma with those closest to them, let alone a stranger. Yet when someone who doesn't understand social cues overshares, it makes the other person feel like they have to open up, even if they don't want to. This puts them in an awkward position where they're not sure if they should be vulnerable to comfort that person, or switch topics altogether.
One thing is clear: these people don't exactly make good impressions in social situations. It's best for these individuals to keep their socialization to basic interactions, learning proper cues along the way.
9. They're honest in a brutal, cruel way
Art_Photo | Shutterstock
While honesty is good to have when conversing with people, meaning you don't hide important information about yourself or pretend to be someone you're not, when it comes to offering criticism or advice, people who lack social skills may be considered mean when they're overly honest in a brutal, cruel way. Maybe they voice a strong opinion about another person's clothing or the way they handle tasks at work.
As psychologist Jonice Webb explained, "The brutally honest are unfiltered... While sometimes it can be nice to not have to guess what someone is thinking, most times we don’t need to hear each and every thought the people around us have. The receiver of the brutally honest message is left dealing with the hard 'truth' alone because the curt way it’s delivered does not offer a safe space to keep the conversation going."
10. They seem distracted because they're overthinking
Antonio Guillem | Shutterstock
Because they may get caught up in their own thoughts, one of the things people with zero social skills do that make them seem mean when they're really just pretty awkward is look distracted. Whether they're daydreaming and thinking about interactions from earlier in the day, or planning their next few meals, it shows that they aren't present in the conversation.
This can be off-putting to others. Not only is it rude to not listen when someone is talking, whether it's a co-worker, family member, or partner, but it makes others think that they're disinterested. This can lead to a decrease in social interactions altogether, choosing instead to speak with people who actually care.
11. They give short replies
La Famiglia | Shutterstock
When someone gives short replies during a conversation, it essentially ends the topic of discussion before it even begins. The person speaking may pour their heart out, revealing details about themselves that leave them vulnerable. If the person they're talking to responds with one or two words, it can feel like a punch in the gut.
To the person who lacks those social skills, it may not feel like a big deal, but it can make someone feel ignored and unvalued. They'd likely much rather converse with others who have something to offer to the conversation, instead of half-hearted replies that come off as mean.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
