You Can Usually Tell How Toxic A Friend Is By 5 Behaviors That Leave You Feeling Worse, Not Better
Trungnguyenphotog | PexelsNot all friendships are like fine wines that get better with age. Some friendships just aren't meant to be, and there's nothing wrong with that. Friendships are made by choice, and you shouldn't feel obligated to stay friends with someone just because of the amount of time you have been friends. At some point, you need to evaluate the situation and determine whether or not they're leaving you feeling worse, instead of better.
If they leave you feeling worse, you might be in a toxic friendship, and you shouldn't be afraid to admit the truth to yourself about why it just isn't working out. Friendships are like a relationship, and they only work if your heart is really in it. Real friends are the people you want to see during the good times and the bad. Don't let one bad, toxic friend redefine what friendship means to you.
A toxic friend exhibits these behaviors that leave you feeling worse, not better:
1. A toxic friend is way too harsh with their judgment
Society does a really good job of making you hate parts of yourself already, and you don't need to surround yourself with people who will do that as well. Friends are supposed to encourage and support you, never put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. If she's also the kind of friend who talks smack about other friends behind their backs, then there is a good chance she's talking smack about you, too.
2. They lie like a Persian rug on a rich man's floor
Everyone tells a little lie now and then. It was on sale. It wasn't that expensive. I'm on my way. I'll be ready in 10 minutes. Make sure you are drawing a line between these kinds of lies and the ones that can do real harm. Lying can cause serious drama and heartbreak in a friendship. Liars never need to know the truth, and you should always expect that from someone you trust.
3. A toxic 'friend' will stab you in the back
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You might as well call her Brutus. A good friendship is founded on loyalty and trust. Trust is not a weakness that should be exploited or taken advantage of. Betrayal comes in many forms. She could have betrayed your trust by telling your secrets to other friends, broken the girl code, and is now dating your ex. Either way, don't continue to allow her to be a part of your life.
4. Their side is the only one that matters
You go over to her place for rom-coms and pizza. When you start telling her about something you're dealing with at the moment, she interjects and starts telling you about a similar problem she's facing. It's her, her, her 24/7. How does she even know what's going on with you if she is focusing so much on herself?
Friendships should be two-sided. It's not all about her all the time. Listening to you gripe occasionally about work, your boyfriend, or life, in general, is one way she shows she cares. If she doesn't at least pretend to be interested in what you have to say, then she's not being there for you like a real friend should. Friends are not therapists. You shouldn't feel like you have to solve her problems all the time or give her professional-grade advice.
5. A toxic friend has become your manager
She feels like it's her responsibility to give you advice about everything in your life. So much so that she has entered into mom territory. You don't need someone else telling you how you should live your life.
You want a person who will go on spontaneous adventures and participate in wild pursuits with you without judging you at the end of the day. At the end of the day, a good friend knows what is okay and not okay to say.
Tess Griman writes about relationships, pop culture, and astrology topics.
