11 Unfortunate Signs Someone In Your Life Is Not Good For You

The people you surround yourself with have a strong influence on how you are as a person, according to therapist John Kim. They can either make you a better version of yourself or a worse one. Whether it’s friends, peers, or your partner, other people’s energy is often contagious, and if we’re not intentional about who has access to us and what boundaries we set, we can sabotage our own well-being by trying to be liked by everyone.

Even if it can be hard to notice someone’s negative energy in the moment, especially if we’re holding onto “people-pleasing” behaviors, there are certain unfortunate signs someone in your life is not good for you. And it’s a good idea to start thinking about distancing yourself from them.

Here are 11 unfortunate signs someone in your life is not good for you

1. You feel drained after spending time together

woman feeling drained after spending time with toxic friend Lysenko Andrii | Shutterstock

If someone urges us to be an inauthentic version of ourselves or regularly shames us for being who we are, chances are it’s going to feel exhausting to spend time with them. According to organizational psychologist Kyle Davies, when we’re constantly monitoring how we’re being perceived by someone, instead of simply being ourselves, it’s quickly draining.

So, if you feel consistently drained after being around someone or spending time with them, that’s one of the unfortunate signs they’re probably not good for you to keep around. When you leave a good friend, you should feel empowered and energized, not drained and exhausted.

2. They make jokes at your expense

woman sitting with friend who makes jokes at her expense Mladen Mitrinovic | Shutterstock

Humor can often be used to de-escalate emotional arguments and to assist in conflict resolution, even in environments like the workplace, but that doesn’t mean that untimely jokes and passive-aggressive sarcasm have a solid place in healthy relationships.

For example, if someone is trying to justify their mean actions with a phrase like “it was just a joke,” they’re not a good person to keep around. They’re trying to guilt you for being brave enough to stand up for yourself, largely because they’re too insecure and shallow to take accountability.

3. You feel guilty for setting boundaries

woman who feels guilty setting boundaries sitting with bad friend Gorgev | Shutterstock

Even if it’s not always easy or comfortable to set boundaries in your relationships, they’re essential to protect your well-being and mental health. Whether it’s expectations for respect or simply reminders to be present, boundaries remind you and others what kind of behavior you’re willing to tolerate, and, more importantly, what you’re not.

So, if someone is regularly making you feel guilty for having these hard conversations, taking your boundaries as a personal attack, or overstepping them repeatedly, those are unfortunate signs that someone in your life is not good for you. A good friend, family member, or partner will make an effort to respect your boundaries, even if it takes practice.

4. You always reach out first

man who always reaches out first texting on his phone voronaman | Shutterstock

If you’re the only person keeping a relationship together, making an effort, or reaching out to plan things, chances are you’re in a one-sided relationship. You bear the burden of managing the relationship, and even if it’s easily overlooked, you waste your energy on someone who wouldn’t be willing to do the same for you.

Whether it’s a friend or a romantic partner, you deserve someone who cares enough to reach out, send a text, or make a plan to see you. It takes two people to cultivate a healthy dynamic in a relationship.

5. They dismiss your feelings

woman sitting with a man who dismisses her feelings PeopleImages | Shutterstock

Even if it seems harmless, behaviors like consistently interrupting someone or one-upping their experiences are essentially saying, “Your feelings and thoughts don’t matter.” It’s a form of emotional invalidation that dismisses other people’s contributions, usually in favor of their own.

So, if you notice a friend constantly shifting conversations back to themselves or overlooking your emotions when it’s not easy to make space for them, chances are they’re not a good person to keep in your life. You deserve a social circle that doesn’t just make space for your emotions but celebrates you in expressing them.

6. They always create unnecessary drama

woman looking at her phone with someone who always creates unnecessary drama MAYA LAB | Shutterstock

While gossip in passing conversations and with new friends can occasionally cultivate better bonds, the negativity that comes from unnecessary drama is contagious. If you’re spending all your time around someone who only wants to talk about other people and entertain rumors, chances are that negative energy is going to catch up to you.

So, if you’re only ever having conversations centered around gossip and drama with someone, that could be an unfortunate sign that they’re not a good person to keep in your life.

7. You feel relieved when they cancel plans

woman looking at phone feeling relieved at canceled plans Andrii Iemelianenko | Shutterstock

Even if we write off friendships as inevitable parts of adulthood, they play a strong role in helping cultivate long-term health and well-being. When we have great friends and a positive network of support, every aspect of our lives — including our physical health — changes for the better.

However, if you have toxic friends who not only drain your energy but also sabotage your well-being, chances are they negatively affect your life. That’s why feeling relieved when they cancel plans is one of the unfortunate signs someone in your life is not good for you.

Of course, some of us simply appreciate having more space for rest and relaxation, but if you’re holding onto a lot of pent-up anxiety about spending time with someone, that sense of relief may be more of a red flag.

8. You walk on eggshells around them

worried woman walking on eggshells around toxic co-worker Dean Drobot | Shutterstock

Even for people consistently stuck in “fight or flight,” often as a result of chronic stress or poor routines, it’s hard to notice the signs. Whether it’s being quickly drained by social interactions or feeling a sense of anxiety about every small task, these small experiences can consume your life.

If someone sparks this nervous system experience by demanding too much emotional space or consistently pushing you out of your comfort zone, chances are you’ll find yourself walking on eggshells around them. You don’t feel comfortable being yourself because every word and action is policed.

9. Their accomplishments always feel more important

woman sitting with a man whose accomplishments always feel more important AlpakaVideo | Shutterstock

As a study from the University of Michigan explains, having shared experiences with someone can often improve bonds and conversations, but if someone is constantly “one-upping” your accomplishments, they’re likely coping with deep, low self-esteem. From “I actually did that” to “Well, I did something better,” these phrases are common amongst people who care more about their self-image than celebrating their loved ones.

So, if you always feel like someone’s accomplishments feel more important than your own, that’s a sign someone in your life is not good for you. You deserve to be celebrated and offered attention, even if it’s for something small.

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10. You have to ‘prove’ yourself worthy

woman who feels pressured to prove herself worthy to her mother ViDI Studio | Shutterstock

If you’re in a transactional relationship, where someone expects something in return for doing the bare minimum, chances are you’re always going to feel like you have to “prove” yourself worthy of respect, love, and honesty. Rather than having a strong foundation to fuel a healthy connection, a person’s entitlement and self-centeredness fuel actions and behaviors.

If someone truly loves and appreciates you, they’re not going to force you to work for basic necessities. They’re going to show up for you and put their own needs to the side occasionally, even if they’re not literally getting anything in return.

11. Your body is always tense around them

woman feeling tense around friend who isn't good for her SynthEx | Shutterstock

Our intuition and gut instincts are constantly sending messages to us, whether we’re listening or not. Even stress responses in the body — from sweaty palms to a racing heart — can be signs that we’re around the wrong people or putting our well-being at risk.

So, if you notice your body is always tense around someone, that could be one of the unfortunate signs that they’re not worth having in your life. While hard conversations and conflict are inevitable in any relationship, being around someone shouldn’t make you feel consistently worse. Our relationships require “work” from time to time, but they shouldn’t feel like an obligation.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.