You Can Usually Tell How Emotionally Intelligent Someone Is By These 8 Things They Do Consistently
Yan Krukau | CanvaWhen it comes to self-care, do you skip the steps that might involve emotional work? Many people don't realize the big part self-care and happiness play in emotional intelligence.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman described emotional intelligence as "the capability of individuals to recognize their own emotions and those of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to environments or achieve one's goals."
Emotional intelligence is a huge contributor to our overall sense of happiness. Research helped explain how ignoring negative feelings by burying them or refusing to deal with them will chip away at your happiness. So proper emotional intelligence requires improving your self-care through a few consistent behaviors.
You can usually tell how emotionally intelligent someone is by these 8 things they do consistently:
1. They communicate how they're feeling
Hiding away doesn’t fix anything and will only make things worse, so stay connected with friends and loved ones. Talk about your emotions with a trusted friend. Or if no one is available, write down your feelings. You’ll feel lighter, and your feelings get validated.
Life coach Sidhharrth S. Kumaar, Ph.D., also suggested talking to yourself. "Self-directed or private speech is beneficial. An internal monologue can help you achieve self-discovery, overcome a mental obstacle, or motivate you to solve a problem. Our inner monologue is usually similar to how we speak to our friends. Self-talk may be a quiet thought in your mind or expressed loudly. Either way, it's a passive process, a way to simply cultivate awareness of your ideas."
2. They don't fixate on the negatives
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Staring at a roadblock won’t move you forward. You need to focus on what’s positive and possible to reduce stress and create positive change.
"In every moment, you can always find something to criticize, and in every moment, you can always find something to appreciate," explained confidence coach Christy Whitman. "Become more practiced in looking for everything that is going right, for thinking thoughts that uplift and inspire you, or at least bring you a feeling of relief. Your state of mind determines how much or how little you can enjoy life."
3. Emotionally intelligent people focus on solutions instead of spiraling
Break down the stressful situation into small steps. Make sure the plan is doable and take action to get each step sorted.
Psychologist Dr. Janine Brooks suggested starting with a series of questions to break down the situation: "What are the possible benefits? What strengths are present? What are the weaknesses? What new opportunities or situations can be created? How can we take advantage of these opportunities? What is the possible harm in the problem? What is the possible harm in the solution?"
4. They take self-care seriously
Self-care is a proven skill to decrease stress and improve our mental health. It starts with taking care of your sleep, diet, and exercise. Looking at your sleep habits is a good place to start when it comes to taking self-care seriously.
"Sleep is not only good for your health, but also your happiness," advised psychotherapist Teralyn Sell, Ph.D. "But if you're not sleeping right or getting a full night's rest, you're going to feel tired and groggy and may have a host of other health issues. When you're wondering why you can't sleep, it's best to take a look at your habits before you lie your head down for the night."
5. They face problems head-on
Denying there’s a problem or avoiding a problem doesn’t make it go away. It just prolongs the resolution and increases stress. But sometimes you need to switch your focus.
Executive coach Bhavna Dalal, Ph.D., recommended, "Try doing something that makes you feel peaceful and undistracted. You can tune into positive emotions by thinking of something completely unrelated to the problem, but that which relaxes you, and brings you a certain calmness, peace, or happiness. Do you come up with answers in the shower or on a walk? Be willing to relax into a higher frequency of emotion and imagine the power of choosing to do this consciously and making it your problem-solving technique."
6. Emotionally intelligent people have their own back
Don’t wait for others to encourage and uplift you. Be that person for yourself and watch how your emotional state improves. Remind yourself of the times you did great, because guess what, you’ve done it before, and you can do it again.
"Self-compassion is the antidote to shame," added psychologist Lesley Goth. "What would you tell a best friend who feels the way you do about yourself? Would you say, 'Yeah, you’re right. You are worthless and no good.' Or would you say, 'Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing the best you can, and it’s good enough.'"
7. They know laughter is the best medicine
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Life isn’t just about work or study. Make time in your daily schedule to do things that bring you joy, and your productivity will increase. It’s not a cliché, either: Studies have shown that laughter helps reduce stress by dropping cortisol levels.
The effect of laughter on mood is immediate and can be felt from anything you find funny. So, watch funny YouTube videos, enjoy some stand-up comedy, or laugh about the fun times you have shared with friends. It’ll elevate your mood when you’re feeling down.
8. They know there's strength in asking for help
Seeking help is an act of courage, not weakness. You’ll get valuable information and insight to better deal with situations now and in the future. Remember, there are many forms of therapy.
"Therapy can take place any time you gain perspective on your thoughts, actions, or reactions," advised social worker Ashely Seeger. "It doesn't always have to be in a clinical setting, either; effective therapy can happen through talking, reading, writing, dancing, or even meditation."
Miya Yamanouchi is a writer in South Eastern Europe whose words appear in magazines, books, textbooks, news outlets, and literary journals across the globe, including Europe, North America, the Middle East, and Africa.
