You Can Usually Tell How Intelligent Someone Is By 10 Questions They Ask When They Feel Stuck
Wolfart | PexelsI was blown away by Gary Keller’s bookThe One Thingwhen I read it on the top floor of a Bangkok apartment complex. I'd been going through plenty of stress back then. I had taken on too many projects and felt stuck and confused. The fluff-busting approach of asking the right, cutting questions to get to the heart of what’s most essential — the one thing — helped me immensely.
I went from Procrastination Central to having one of the most creatively prolific years ever. I’m borrowing Gary's approach and weaving it into some self-coaching questions so you can enjoy the relief of identifying simple, high-leverage solutions to various challenges; highly intelligent people often ask these questions when they feel stuck.
The emphasis here is on narrowing down the range of solutions to the best, most impactful, highest-priority answer. Grab a pen and work through these questions. Feel free to list as many answers as you can think of for each. The more, the better. Once you have a list, you can pick the most impactful one for each.
You can usually tell how intelligent someone is by the 10 questions they ask when they feel stuck:
1. What is the one thing I can do today that will make everything else in my life easier or more meaningful?
It’s easy to take one look at the world today and want to isolate yourself from everything and everyone. You lose this way because humans live to support their fellow men and women. The world owes you nothing. To lift yourself, continually and creatively do things that improve the lives of those who matter to you. That’s worth living for.
Florida State University psychologist Roy Baumeister explained that “A happy life and a meaningful life are different.” Before you decide what you should do next, you should know that the things that fill your day with pleasant comfort aren't always the things that fill your life with meaning.
2. What is the one habit that, if built consistently, would most improve my energy and well-being?
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Meditative movement, where attention to your body, breath, and position in space is part of the work. One study found that this kind of movement can ease depressive symptoms. Qigong, tai chi, and some forms of yoga are all helpful.
A 2014 study in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry even found that women with chronic, treatment-resistant PTSD who practiced trauma-informed yoga showed enough symptom reduction that more than half no longer met the criteria for it anymore. The body remembers what the mind sometimes struggles to talk about.
3. What is the one thing to which I am saying 'yes' to which I should start saying 'no' to simplify my life?
Many of us are swayed by the cacophonous array of attractive options competing for attention. And by golly, a lot of it's succeeding. But when you say yes to twelve things, you say no to bringing vital attention and time to fewer things.
And when you get more attention to less, you nourish the thing. You become exceptional. You create something remarkable. So think about it this way. When you say no, you are saying a loud yes to something that requires it.
4. What is the one thing I want to be remembered for, and how can I start embodying that today?
This makes us aware of what’s truly important to us in our lives beyond the superficial. This takes us out of survival mode and into what impact we’d love to make — one greater than ourselves. This motivation can manifest in various ways, including contributing to social causes, raising children well, or creating impactful work, and can be particularly strong when people contemplate their mortality.
5. What is the one thing I’ve been putting off that would give me the greatest sense of relief or accomplishment once done?
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Do the thing you’ve been avoiding. Clean the snowdrifts of dust from under your bed for a change. Wash the dishes. Do that ‘dull’ chore. It’s not hard; it just requires effort. Do the thing, and bring as much enjoyment as you can to it.
It’s done, and you feel good about yourself. Now tell me you don’t feel four times more productive. However, this relief can be short-lived if avoidance patterns persist.
6. What is the one relationship in my life that, if improved, would bring me greater joy and support?
Healthy communication is the cornerstone of any functioning relationship. Practice open, honest, and compassionate communication to untangle unhealthy family dynamics. When we hold expectations, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Instead, lean into trusting that everyone is doing their best at their level of awareness. When you practice releasing your expectations, you open a space for people to be themselves and create the freedom to be yourself.
The Pew Research Center posed an open-ended question about the meaning of life to nearly 19,000 adults across 17 advanced economies: Most mentioned their family as a source of meaning more than any other factor. Highlighting their relationships with parents, siblings, children, and grandchildren, people frequently mention quality time spent with their families, the pride they get from the accomplishments of those they love, and even the desire to live a life that leaves an improved world for their offspring.
7. What is the one thing I can remove from my life that will make space for what truly matters to me?
Time is the most finite resource we have, and at some point, we're all going to run out of it. So why spend it doing something that makes you miserable?
Learning how to manage your time is one of life's most essential things, but it's still hard to appreciate. Many people will stay in that toxic relationship because breaking up is more complicated. Or keep going to that toxic job because it's difficult to find another. Or tell someone, "Sure!" when they wanted to say, "No way!"
8. What is the one belief about myself that is holding me back from living my fullest potential?
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Nowhere does it say that we are obliged to act like the person we used to be. A classmate called you stupid in French class, and now you tell yourself the story of how "you’re just not that smart."
Your mom said you were lazy because you never tidied up your CD collection, so you still cling to the made-up idea that you’re a "lazy person." None of it is true. It’s just an idea. You can be whoever you want to be.
Personality is an illusion, and you can break free at any moment. If you need to bring the heat, don’t wait for your "personality" to give you the go-ahead. Seize it with everything you have.
9. What is the one activity that, when I do it, makes me feel most alive and connected to myself?
Close your eyes briefly and reflect on the last time you were truly happy. Where were you? What were you doing? Why did you feel satisfied?
Many people think happiness is this out-of-reach feeling that we can only “become” once we reach a certain pinnacle of success or achievement, or are outside our standard elements (such as on vacation).
But happiness is a lifelong choice. It doesn’t mean every single day will be great, or your life will be perfect, but it does mean you'll choose to allow happiness to be part of your day.
A happy life comes from learning to appreciate and say thank you for the many blessings you already have! Start small. Do one thing every morning that makes you happy. This may mean waking up early, watching the sunrise, drinking coffee, and conversing with your partner. And always remember to thank you for what you do have, since gratitude is a proven way to make yourself happier.
10. What is the one thing I could do to make my daily routine simpler and more enjoyable?
Continually ask: ‘How can I do more with less?’ Like with purpose, you design your ideal routine based on what works for you. What will you do most days, at specific times, without distraction, that ensures you’re focused?
Essentially, structuring your day with activities that promote well-being and reduce stress while allowing for moments of pleasure and relaxation. Bonus for writers and brand-builders: What is the one thing I can start doing today that would have the most impact on the growth of my brand?
Action step: Answer one of these questions today, and take one small step today to start living it.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
