If You Want To Function Like An Adult In Your 30s & Beyond, 7 Habits Have To Go
Изображения пользователя Дмитрий Ткачук | CanvaA common misconception about reaching your 30s is that you have to have everything figured out. The reality is that it's the perfect time to figure out which habits have been holding you back, and creating a healthy routine starts with small acts.
Marriage and family therapist Ingrid Helander agrees, reminding us that "small improvements in self-care are the first step to overcoming anxious living,' which is especially pertinent advice if you want to start feeling like a legit adult in your thirties (and beyond!), not an oversized child masquerading as one.
If you want to actually function like an adult in your 30s and beyond, these habits have to go:
1. Chasing a dopamine rush
As human beings, it’s in our biological makeup to want to feel good. We might seek out quick fixes to feel better, like drinking, using substances, or relying on outside affection to boost our self-worth. Chasing after those highs will only leave us feeling empty. Instead, a much more sustainable route to love is focusing on building ourselves up from the inside out.
Being outside in nature, getting our heart rate up with exercise, or taking part in activities we love are all great ways to boost our feel-good chemicals in a way that reduces harm. Life coach Dr. Karen Finn agrees: "Happiness is not a destination. It's right here, right now, in every step of the journey."
2. Assuming incompetence
It’s easy to assume that we’re bad at certain tasks, but keeping ourselves stuck inside narrowly defined boxes benefits no one. You might tell yourself that you can’t learn a new skill when really, you don’t have to be perfect at whatever you’re learning; you just have to try.
Instead of saying, “I can’t do that,” or “I’m not good at that,” say, “I’m trying,” and get out of your comfort zone. There’s nothing inherently wrong with not being the best at something — it’s only your inner critic who’s trying to tell you otherwise.
"Your inner critic wants to keep you safe. It's his/her #1 job and priority," life coach Stephanie Lazzara explains. Attempting to silence that voice is an inefficient use of your time. Learning how to hear the voice without automatically obeying it is the more worthwhile task.
3. Not taking risks
In conjunction with not thinking we can't do new things, keeping ourselves in our little bubbles means we’re not going to grow. Stepping out of our comfort zone, in small, actionable ways, is a really great way to keep our minds sharp and our hearts open.
Marriage therapist Paula Kirsch points out that many people grow up "risk-averse, self-critical, people-pleasing perfectionists," and not at any fault of their own. Tracing these traits back to when they started can help you make the first step in making different decisions going forward.
4. Playing the victim
It’s easy to look at the world around us and cast blame for our failures on others. While there are definite structural inequities that hold people in the margins back, at some point, it’s up to us to take accountability for ourselves. "If you blame life, others, or situations for things that go wrong, you'll stay stuck in this cycle," cautions trauma therapist Nancy Carbone.
Holding onto a victim mentality makes us feel like we’re less than, and it denies the potential we have to rise up and make the most of our lives. Being accountable to ourselves and to others is powerful, something that binds us together in community and unleashes our fullest selves.
5. Multitasking
Mizuno K / Pexels
We’re often taught that the best practice for getting things done is to work on multiple projects at once. But doing so isn't so great for our actual level of productivity, as multitasking is actually bad for our brains, explained surgeon Dr. Karan Raj.
Dr. Raj notes that multitasking makes us tired faster because “focusing on multiple tasks means that the left and right sides of the brain have to work independently. Your brain’s focus is split, so there’s more chance of mistakes.”
6. Being a perfectionist
Holding grace for ourselves and others is a valuable way to walk through the world. By recognizing that no one can be perfect at all times, we give ourselves and the people around us grace to mess up, repair, and correct when moving forward.
"Striving for perfection is your worst enemy," psychologist Dr. Sandra Cohen cautions. Remember, you're always enough, no matter what the critical voice in your head is telling you.
7. Ignoring self-care
Self-care is so much more than face masks and bubble baths. It’s making sure we eat balanced meals, get enough sleep, drink water, and do things that help us feel nurtured and balanced. Not taking care of ourselves is a direct route to burnout, which is harder to recover from than you may think.
As a professional who works with people who "say yes to everything and have limited ability to set and adhere to boundaries," burnout coach Rachel Stone recommends not falling into the habit of treating rest as an optional activity. Self-care starts with saying "no."
We all have a birthright to feel good about ourselves, and that includes making sure our needs are met in all realms of our lives. It’s important to acknowledge that a way of life that works for one person might not work for someone else.
As mental health professionals are known to say, there’s no such thing as “should.” Holding ourselves to impossibly high standards is a damaging habit. Instead, think about what makes you feel whole, and move from there.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
