Woman Apologizes To All The Wives She Thought Were ‘Bitter’ While Being Married To ‘Easygoing’ Men
Anton Mukhin | ShutterstockA relationship writer and coach named Olivia issued a formal apology to a pretty large group of women in a post on Threads, and those who could relate were so happy to feel seen.
In her apology, Olivia asked for forgiveness from all the wives she had unfairly judged because of how their personalities contrasted with those of their husbands. She has come to realize that many of the women she thought were difficult were actually just doing the best they could with what they had to work with.
Olivia once judged women she believed were ‘bitter,’ but now she knows they only acted that way because of their husbands.
“I owe an apology to all the women I thought were bitter while their husbands seemed so easygoing,” she stated. “Now I know that it is very easy to be easygoing when someone else is carrying the entire weight of your life.”
Women commented on the post in droves to express their agreement. “Of course he looks relaxed,” one said. “He outsourced the stress.” Another shared a quote she had heard before: “If marriage benefitted women, they would have taken it away from us.”
A third woman offered a perspective that she hoped would change people’s mindsets. “When you see an angry, bitter woman, consider the possibility that she’s been carrying the emotional load for a man who was willing to let her drown to save his ego,” she said.
It may be hard for some people to believe that someone can hold that much sway over their partner’s personality, but it’s entirely possible.
Everyone has been in a situation where someone else has influenced their behavior, even if it’s just short-term. It brings to mind the image of parents warning their children to choose their friends wisely because they’ll grow to be more like them. Still, can a person really impact their partner’s personality that much?
It seems the answer is yes. Each person is an individual with their own choices to make, but being married to someone and spending a lot of time with them is bound to change you. Post-doctoral fellow Mallory Stephenson, PhD, said this is due to something called gene-environment interaction.
This means that the way a person’s genes affect them can also be influenced by environmental factors, like relationships. A woman who is around a draining man all the time is basically having her chemistry changed by him.
Someone might wonder why a good woman would choose a subpar partner, especially if that person happens to be a man themselves.
Psychologist and life coach Dr. Danielle Dowling thinks that one of the most common explanations is that women are focused on finding a man with “attractive dating qualities,” like being tall or making a lot of money. Instead, they should look for “lasting partnership qualities” that have more to do with who that man actually is.
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Quite honestly, we live in a patriarchal society that tends to blame women for everything, even when something isn’t their fault. A wife can’t control if her husband has a stressful personality, but people would probably be more likely to call her out for being bitter than they would to call him out for being easygoing. Experts agree that women can even be pretty judgmental towards each other, despite facing many of the same challenges.
It’s easy for anyone, including women, to look at a married woman and get mentally stuck on her being angry or unhappy. It’s less common for them to consider how her husband might have driven her to that point. If a woman’s most important relationship is with someone who expects her to carry all the stress, there’s no question why she would be having a hard time coping.
It’s not hard to judge someone without knowing what they’re really going through, but those circumstances provide the perspective necessary to really understand them.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
