If A Woman Uses These 11 Phrases, She's Likely A Very Selfish Person
glebchik | Shutterstock Getting to know someone takes time and patience, yet oftentimes, people let you know exactly who they are through what they say. For women, in particular, there are a few very specific phrases that indicate she's likely a very selfish person.
These aren't weird or even directly aggressive phrases, but they show how a woman thinks. She wants to be in the center of attention, the focus of everyone's thoughts, and the one to make all the plans. She's the boss in her relationship, and not in a cute or empowered way. The worst part is that she doesn't even realize she's doing it.
If a woman uses these 11 phrases, she's likely a very selfish person
1. 'I'm not trying to mean, but...'
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Women usually say this phrase right after they've said something mean about someone else. By saying, "I'm not trying to be mean" before being mean, they hope that whatever insult they've thrown out will land gently or slip by unnoticed. Really, the phrase calls even more attention to the fact that they're acting like a bully. That's why this is one of the most important phrases a woman uses when she's likely a very selfish person.
A study on the social psychology of insults noted that there are different types of insults, including stereotyping and scapegoating, excluding people, and belittling someone's identity. Not all insults are purposeful, yet the corresponding feelings of shame, anger, and guilt are universal.
The study concluded that insults are a powerful way to establish one's status or power over other people, either on an individual or organizational level. When a woman says, "I'm not trying to mean," chances are the next thing she says is going to mean.
2. 'I'm low-maintenance'
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Women who say that they're low-maintenance are waving a giant flag that says that, "actually, the opposite is true!"
You can't blame them, really. After all, women often claim to be low-maintenance in response to overt societal pressures to not seem needy. Men tend to call women needy even when they express valid emotional or practical needs. It's a way to devalue women's feelings and make them feel like they're being "too much."
It's not surprising that women would take a stance in the opposite direction and say that they don't need any extra support.
The truth is, having needs is an essential part of being human, no matter what side of the gender spectrum you identify with. All people need help at some point in their life, and asking for it doesn't make you a bad person.
The more a woman says they're low-maintenance, the more likely it is that they'll expect you to meet their needs, even when they don't express those needs outright. Sadly, that means they're passive-aggressive and you're probably going to have to deal with puzzles in order to know how to succeed with her.
3. 'They're just jealous'
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A woman who responds to critique or criticism by exclaiming that the other person is jealous of them is probably more insecure than she lets on. Being insecure doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person, but if they put others down to boost their own confidence, they are likely a selfish person.
Comparing ourselves to other people is a natural part of being human, but it's what we do with comparison that makes a difference.
YourTango's poll on Comparison Culture found that measuring ourselves against other people is entirely normal, even though it can be harmful to our senses of self-worth. Of the participants, 75% said comparing themselves to others motivated them to change in healthy ways, while 62% said the act of comparison was problematic in their lives.
In the report, Dr. Cortney Warren explains that "The goal is not necessarily to stop comparing... but to ensure that the way you compare yourself to others is accurate and helpful (as opposed to distorted or harmful)."
A woman who thinks everyone else is jealous of her probably has a distorted and inflated perception of herself, which is why she thinks everyone wants to be like her.
4. 'I'm not like other girls'
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If a woman tells you that she's not like other girls, watch out: It's a warning sign that she's likely a selfish person. She wants men to see her value and think she's not only cool, but better than other women.
A woman who uses this phrase is actively putting other women down in order to gain social capital and approval from men. By nature of living in a world where men hold more power than women do, it's not surprising that a woman might try to distance herself from negative stereotypes of women, yet saying this actually reinforces that same negative stereotyping.
This is called internalized misogyny, and as a phenomenon, it isn't any individual woman's fault. However, it is up to women to notice it and work to break the cycle in order to heal and become the best version of herself. This beneifts not just her, but all women, and if she refuses, she's likely a very selifsh person.
5. 'I'm not here to make friends'
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The saying, "I'm not here to make friends," is often used in social situations where competitiveness thrives. A woman who uses this phrase is usually a cutthroat person. As a selfish person, she'll step over other people to find success at any cost.
Being competitive is a normal facet of being human. Both men and women can be competitive, yet it tends to show itself in different ways. One study on the development of female competition posited that girls and women compete by using "strategies that minimize the risk of retaliation and reduce the strength of other girls." The study established that women compete on an overt level only when they hold high status in their community.
When a woman says that she's not here to make friends, it shows that she has an individualistic mindset, as opposed to being more community-oriented. She doesn't care much about other people's feelings and centers herself in every situation.
We gain more power by working together than maintaining strict divisions, yet women who say this tend to believe the opposite is true. Remember what Dr. Maya Angelou says, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
6. 'He knows the rules'
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A woman who says this phrase is showing that her true colors aren't very kind or equality-minded.
We all have expectations around how our partners should treat us, but this phrase is a condescending way of trying to exert control over another person. Relationships should be based on mutual respect and equity, yet this saying emphasizes the mistaken belief that partnerships are a power play.
A person who weaponizes their role in a relationship isn't a very good person, regardless of gender.
7. 'I'm never wrong'
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A big part of being human is making mistakes. The way a person reacts after being called out for their wrongdoing is a clear sign of whether or not they're a good person or whether they're selfish deep down inside.
Being wrong doesn't make someone a bad person, but if they refuse to own their mistakes, it can indicate that they're rigid and not particularly kind or compassionate.
Psychologist Guy Winch Ph.D. explained that a person who never admits they're wrong has a fragile ego. "They need to warp their very perception of reality and challenge obvious facts in order to defend their not being wrong in the first place," he said. "Psychological rigidity is not a sign of strength, it is an indication of weakness."
Women who say they're never wrong have little compassion for themselves or others, and they feel a need to always be perfect, which creates an immense amount of internal pressure. Being unwilling to change their narrative shows that they might not be a good person.
8. 'Sorry, not sorry'
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This false apology is often said by women who don't want to be held responsible for behaving poorly or saying something hurtful. It's a way of brushing off the need to take accountability. It also downplays other people's feelings and minimizes any emotional responses they have.
"Sorry, not sorry" is mean-girl code, essentially declaring that they're not at fault for how anyone else reacts to them, especially when they're putting other people down. The funny thing about this code is that it's not actually code. The woman who uses this phrase truly is not sorry, and you'd do best to take this literally.
9. 'It's whatever'
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A woman who says this phrase often does so when something is wrong, but she doesn't want to admit it. Maybe her friend flaked on dinner plans or her boyfriend didn't listen closely to the story she was telling. By saying, "It's whatever," she's signaling that she's hurt, but can't express her feelings in a direct way.
This passive-aggressive form of communication is often followed up by giving someone the cold shoulder, which is an emotionally manipulative reaction.
A woman who declares that "It's whatever" instead of saying, "My feelings are hurt" is showing that her communication skills need a lot of work. That in itself doesn't make her a bad person, but if she's unwilling to change, then she might not be a very good person, after all.
Of course, there's always the chance it's being used as a directly dismissive way to get someone to stop talking. Often a selfish person will do this when they are supposed to take responsibility. That's why a woman who uses this phrase is likely a very selfish person.
10. 'Good vibes only'
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Declaring that "good vibes" are the only acceptable vibes is a mark of someone who refuses to recognize that a wide range of emotions exists. This is not only limiting to them, but it's limiting to others. That's why it's one of the phrases that indicate a woman is likely a very selfish person.
A woman who relies on toxic positivity to motivate people probably has a hard time facing life's challenges. Not everything is sunshine and roses all the time, and being able to see the gray parts of reality makes people more resilient.
If a woman demands that people avoid expressing their darker emotions, she's being selfish. It's also likely she's a one-dimensional person who doesn't understand emotional nuance.
11. 'Nobody ever cares about my feelings'
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While it may sound sad at first, some women who use the phrase "nobody thinks about my feelings" on a regular basis is likely a very selfish person. Why? The reason she thinks nobody thinks about her feelings is because she wants everyone to think about her first and foremost, and any normal person won't measure up.
Of course, there are people whose feelings are dismissed, but that is a serious problem and they will treat it as such. They will go to the person who seems to be ignoring them, and directly address it. A selfish person jumps to conclusions and exaggerates by saying "nobody" and "never", as if the world is out to get her. She is likely so wrapped up in herself, she doesn't see that people are being kind and thoughtful toward her, they're just not obsessed with making her happy.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
